Eat Me: Love, Sex and the Art of Eating. Alexandra Antonioni

       Like a Moth to the Flame

       So, Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to the millionaire, Paul Daniels?

      MRS MERTON

      I love to cook and enjoy nothing more than inviting good friends round, cooking up a storm, sharing a few bottles of wine and putting the world to rights. I’m a little more reticent to cook for a man, a new potential Mr Right – I don’t flash my copper-bottom pans for just anybody.

      The problem is, as I’m getting a little older I’m getting a lot fussier. These days it takes a little more than a cute arse and a moody stare for me to want to grind my spices, rattle those pans and shake my booty.

      Much has been written about Attraction. Why is it that some people attract us like a moth to a flame whilst others, for no apparent reason, leave us as cold as yesterday’s custard? How is it that one girl’s Titanic is another girl’s Love Boat?

      I wish I knew. It would certainly facilitate the soul-destroying, life-sapping and ego-wrecking process of trying to meet ‘someone new’.

      Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you’ve got and 50 per cent what people think you’ve got.

      SOPHIA LOREN

      From my experience we girls generally go for the same ‘type’ over and over again, no matter that we really should have learnt our lesson by now. With me, it’s bad boys. No matter how often it ends in tears I just can’t help myself; if they look a little naughty and act a little wild you can be sure I’ll be fluttering my eyelashes and simpering in their general direction.

      In an attempt at attracting a member of the opposite sex with a view to ‘dating’, all we can do is make an effort to get out there, put our best foot forward, chest out, tummy in and hope for the best. Or is it? What if we had some pointers? Some inside information?

      I asked all the men I knew what they found attractive in women, what it was that caught their eye and captured their hearts. Below, please find the, sometimes unexpected, results of that exhaustive study.

      It will come as no surprise to any of us to hear that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. Guys just cannot help themselves. They are suckers for a pretty face, big boobs, a peach of a bottom and a knowing smile – not necessarily in that order. (Unless they are drunk, in which case they don’t care what you look like as long as you agree to go home with them. Tragic, but true. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

      However, conversely, are we ladies not in turn attracted to a six-pack? George Clooney? Brad Pitt? And of course, a healthy bank balance always does amazing things to a guy’s phwoar-factor. They have their fantasy woman and we have our fantasy guy, but in the real world we don’t date the ‘fantasy’, we date each other.

      Are you with me thus far?

      Whilst all men (yes, all men, unless of course they’re watching football) will do a double take at the sight of a well-stacked babe with a pert bottom, full lips and pelmet skirt, deep down they’re not that shallow when it comes to choosing a mate for life. They just couldn’t be. Could they?

      The guys I spoke to inferred that when seeking a Long Term Relationship, the majority of them (did you get that? I said the majority, some are indeed hopeless cases) are not attracted solely to the tits and arse package when it does not include some or all of the following attributes.

      Prepare to suspend your deeply cynical beliefs and be amazed.

      Beauty came top of the list, although surprisingly men are not as attracted to glamour girls as we think they are. Beauty, it would seem, is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

      True, the kind of women they want to date take good care of themselves and of how they look but, apparently, it is not about having the perfect body or looking like the models in the fashion mags (airbrushed within an inch of their skinny, cellulite-free, digitally-enhanced, irritating selves), it is about confidence. If you look good you will feel good, ergo you will be upbeat, friendly and approachable. If you make no effort with yourself, why should anyone make an effort with you?

       To keep a man you need to be:

       a lady in the parlour, a cook in the kitchen

      and a whore in the bedroom.

      JERRY HALL

      So it’s not about being a perfect ‘10’, it’s about being the best you that you can possibly be, no matter what you may weigh, how old you are or how much money you have.

      Take heart, ladies, here’s what men really want, in no particular order:

      An infectious giggle, sparkly eyes, manicured hands, a toned body (but definitely not skinny, all the men I spoke to preferred a curvier girl), also important is intelligence and a wicked sense of humour that includes being able to laugh at ourselves.

      Men are attracted to women who are independent, have a certain joie de vivre and are in control of their own lives. They also like women who are unpredictable, exciting and adventurous, both in and out of the bedroom.

      They want a woman with whom they can have fun, who preferably likes football (a tough one I know), who doesn’t want to change them (admit it, we’ve all tried) and who understands when he’s had a bad day and he needs a cuddle.

      They are dead keen on women who can cook (funny that), and girls who are not carrying around loads of baggage from past relationships. Having similar interests, ideals and goals is also considered important.

      Men adore women who go to dinner and actually eat. They want someone who will support them, love their mum and not expect them to give up their mates or spend every Saturday afternoon shopping.

      In addition? Men want sex; lots and lots of sex. They never want to hear the words ‘Not tonight darling, I have a headache’. Ever.

      A woman waits motionless until she is wooed. Much how a spider waits for a fly.

      GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

      Ok, now for the gentlemen. What attracts us ladies to men? Good looks are clearly a consideration, but we are not expecting you to look like a movie star. That said, grooming is paramount, we want you to look and smell good. Aftershave should definitely be in evidence, but not so much that we are asphyxiated.

      Women have a bit of a thing about men’s shoes, my advice is buy the best you can afford and keep ’em polished. Lots of women say a good sense of humour is imperative, make us laugh and it would seem you are home free.

      Bottoms