Classic After-Dinner Sports Tales. Jonathan Rice
Willie Rushton, on checking into the Europa Hotel, Belfast, read on the registration form the question, ‘How did you hear about this hotel?’ As it had been blown up three times, he wrote, ‘News At Ten’.
DICKIE DAVIES
The one-time face of ITV Sport, and long-serving presenter of World Of Sport, Dickie Davies is a legend in sporting journalism.
Some years ago, Welsh rugby was going through some very bad times, and the team was beaten by the likes of Romania and Canada. The result was that the Welsh RFU just couldn’t sell any tickets for the games. So they tried new outlets, like a chemist’s shop in Llanelli. Gwyn and Gareth passed by and saw the ad in the window for tickets for the next Wales game. Because of their desire to support their country, Gwyn went into the chemist’s to buy two tickets, while Gareth waited outside on the pavement to check that nobody they recognised came by.
Eventually, Gwyn came out again, carrying two packets of condoms.
‘What do you want those for, Gwyn?’ asked Gareth. ‘You don’t know any women.’
‘No, but I was too embarrassed to ask for the tickets.’
GARETH Y DAVIES
Head of Sport at S4C.
Clive Rowlands captained Wales in all of his 14 appearances. He then became national coach, President of WRU, and was manager of the successful British Lions tour to Australia in 1989.
He is often remembered as the scrum-half who ‘kicked the leather off the ball’, and was largely responsible for 111, yes 111 line-outs in the Scotland v Wales match at Murrayfield in 1963 which Wales won 6-3. As a result of this, the laws were changed within a short time, to prevent a player kicking the ball directly into touch outside the respective 22-metre areas.
Six years or so ago, whilst Clive and I were on broadcasting duties in Edinburgh, The Scotsman newspaper carried a full page on famous Scotland v Wales matches, with photographs of Gerald Davies, Andy Irvine and John Taylor, who had all played key roles in some of the memorable clashes between both nations.
At the foot of the page there was also a photo of Clive, and he was quite pleased despite the heading being ‘the man who nearly killed the game’!
As we later entered Murrayfield a very enthusiastic steward – we’ve all met them – approached Clive in a very officious manner and said, ‘Pass please’, to which Clive instantly responded, ‘Don’t you read the papers? I never give a pass at Murrayfield!’
KEVIN DEVINE
Scots broadcaster and former member of the BBC TV That’s Life team.
Celtic supporters are known throughout the world for their friendliness and enthusiasm for the game of football, whenever and wherever they follow their team.
Witness – Seville 2003, UEFA Cup final, Celtic 2-3 Porto.
UEFA decided to give the ‘fair play’ award for that year to the supporters of Glasgow Celtic Football Club, for their impeccable behaviour and attitude, after 80,000 of them descended on Seville for the final. This is the first time the award has ever been presented to a set of fans rather than a team!
Right from their first forays into Europe and beyond, the supporters have been there in their thousands, to witness the ups and downs of their team, being magnanimous in victory and retaining a sense of humour in defeat.
During the 1990s Rangers were dominant in Scotland, and Celtic were not the force they had been during the Jock Stein era. In the 1996/97 season they faced another early exit from Europe, this time at the hands of Hamburg. After a first-leg defeat at Parkhead, 0-2, Celtic were trailing 2-0 in Hamburg and there was no way back.
The 4,000 supporters who had travelled with them were hopelessly outnumbered and trying to make as much noise as possible in support of their team, but it was the masses of jubilant Hamburg supporters who were raising the roof with the chants of their team’s victory.
Then from the middle of the Celtic support came a call asking for the crowd to hush.
‘Sssshhhh! Sssshhhhh! Ssssshhhhhh!’
The cry spread throughout the Celtic support and soon they were all putting their fingers to their lips and urgently ‘shushing’ those around them. Before you knew it the whole of the Celtic support were silent. This was noticed by the surrounding Hamburg fans, who, wondering what the urgency was for the call for hush, very quickly shushed themselves and the whole ground into silence. What had been a raging torrent of triumphalism just moments before, was suddenly as quiet as the grave and you could clearly hear the calls from the players on the park, shouting to each other, as the game went on. Silently everyone waited.
After about twenty seconds of this unnatural, eerie silence the original group of Celtic supporters who had started the call for hush, jumped to their feet and started singing at the top of their voices
‘Can you hear the Hamburg sing, No-o, No-o!
Can you hear the Hamburg sing, No-o, No-o.’
Who ever said that we never had a sense of humour, even in defeat!
PAT DEWES
Successful South African businessman and sports entrepreneur, whose first-class cricket career went by in a flash in the 1970s.
This was told by D.H. Robins in an after-dinner speech at the Wanderers, Johannesburg during his team’s tour of South Africa in 1974/75.
The Duke of Norfolk was invited to be a guest steward during Royal Week at Ascot. In the parade ring he spied a trainer slip something from his pocket and feed it to a horse.
The Duke strode importantly across the ring and confronted the trainer. ‘I say my good man, what was that you fed to the horse just now?’
‘Nuffink but sugar Guv’nor,’ replied the trainer.
‘Let me see,’ demanded the Duke, and the trainer produced two more lumps of sugar from the pocket of his coat. He popped one into his own mouth and offered the other to the Duke. Now feeling a little foolish, the Duke swallowed the sugar, turned and left.
The trainer then turned to his jockey to give him his riding instructions.
‘From the off, I want you to settle her down against the rail and five or six off the pace. When you get into the straight, move her to the outside and give her a couple of reminders with the whip. If anyone passes you after that it will either be me or the Duke of Norfolk.’
It was a typical stifling February day in Durban. I was in the slips for my club, Zingari, during a club game against Durban High School Old Boys. Despite the fact that we had pretty much an all-Provincial attack, including the world-class Vince van der Bijl, we were being put to the sword by the DHSOB opening bat, one Barry Anderson Richards.
As yet another awesomely elegant Richards cover drive clattered into the pickets to bring up his 150, Bruce Groves, Barry’s former opening partner for Natal, left his position next to me, walked up to Richards and said, ‘Give us a kiss Barry.’
‘What?’ responded Richards. ‘Whatever for?’ ‘Because,’ said Bruce, ‘I like a bit of intimacy when I’m getting a good f***!’
JASON DODD
Long-serving captain of Southampton FC, who played over fifteen seasons with Southampton, having been signed from Bath in 1989.