Троє в одному човні (як не рахувати собаки) = Three Men in a Boat (to Say Nothing of the Dog). Джером К. Джером
the volcano has exploded and thrown you down to the bottom of the sea – the elephant still sleeping peacefully on your bosom. You wake up and grasp the idea that something terrible really has happened. Your first impression is that the end of the world has come; and then you think that this cannot be, and that it is thieves and murderers, or else fire, and this opinion you express in the usual method. No help comes; however, and all you know is that thousands of people are kicking you, and you are being smothered.
Somebody else seems in trouble, too. You can hear his faint cries coming from underneath your bed. Determining, at all events, to sell your life dearly, you struggle frantically, hitting out right and left with arms and legs, and yelling lustily the while, and at last something gives way, and you find your head in the fresh air. Two feet off, you dimly observe a half-dressed ruffian, waiting to kill you, and you are preparing for a life-and-death struggle with him, when it begins to dawn upon you that it’s Jim.
“Oh, it’s you, is it?” he says, recognising you at the same moment.
“Yes,” you answer, rubbing your eyes; “what’s happened?”
“Bally tent’s blown down, I think,” he says. “Where’s Bill?”
Then you both raise up your voices and shout for “Bill!” and the ground beneath you heaves and rocks, and the muffled voice that you heard before replies from out the ruin:
“Get off my head, can’t you?”
And Bill struggles out, a muddy, trampled wreck, and in an unnecessarily aggressive mood – he being under the evident belief that the whole thing has been done on purpose.
In the morning you are all three speechless, owing to having caught severe colds in the night; you also feel very quarrelsome, and you swear at each other in hoarse whispers during the whole of breakfast time.
We therefore decided that we would sleep out on fine nights; and hotel it, and inn it, and pub it, like respectable folks, when it was wet, or when we felt inclined for a change.
Montmorency hailed this compromise with much approval. He does not revel in romantic solitude. Give him something noisy; and if a trifle low, so much the jollier. To look at Montmorency you would imagine that he was an angel sent upon the earth, for some reason withheld from mankind, in the shape of a small fox-terrier. There is a sort of Oh-what-a-wicked-world-this-is-and-how-I-wish-I-could-do-something-to-make-it-better-and-nobler expression about Montmorency that has been known to bring the tears into the eyes of pious old ladies and gentlemen.
When first he came to live at my expense, I never thought I should be able to get him to stop long. I used to sit down and look at him, as he sat on the rug and looked up at me, and think: “Oh, that dog will never live. He will be snatched up to the bright skies in a chariot, that is what will happen to him.”
But, when I had paid for about a dozen chickens that he had killed; and had dragged him, growling and kicking, by the scruff of his neck, out of a hundred and fourteen street fights; and had had a dead cat brought round for my inspection by an irate female, who called me a murderer; and had been summoned by the man next door but one for having a ferocious dog at large, that had kept him pinned up in his own tool-shed, afraid to venture his nose outside the door for over two hours on a cold night; and had learned that the gardener, unknown to myself, had won thirty shillings by backing him to kill rats against time, then I began to think that maybe they’d let him remain on earth for a bit longer, after all.
To hang about a stable, and collect a gang of the most disreputable dogs to be found in the town, and lead them out to march round the slums to fight other disreputable dogs, is Montmorency’s idea of “life;” and so, as I before observed, he gave to the suggestion of inns, and pubs, and hotels his most emphatic approbation.
Having thus settled the sleeping arrangements to the satisfaction of all four of us, the only thing left to discuss was what we should take with us; and this we had begun to argue, when Harris said he’d had enough oratory for one night, and proposed that we should go out and have a smile, saying that he had found a place, round by the square, where you could really get a drop of Irish worth drinking.
George said he felt thirsty (I never knew George when he didn’t); and as I had a presentiment that a little whisky, warm, with a slice of lemon, would do my complaint good, the debate was, by common assent, adjourned to the following night; and the assembly put on its hats and went out.
Розділ другий
Обговорення плану. Принади ночівлі «на природі» в погожу ніч. Те саме – в непогожу. Компромісна ухвала. Перше враження від Монтморенсі. Чи не занадто добрий він для нашого світу? Ці побоювання виявляються безпідставними. Нараду відкладено.
Ми розшукали карти й почали складати план подорожі.
Вирішили, що відпливемо наступної суботи з Кінгстона. Ми з Гаррісом прибудемо туди вранці й удвох підженемо човен до Чертсі, а Джордж, що зможе вибратись із Сіті лише пополудні (він ходить до якогось банку спати з десятої до четвертої години щодня, опріч суботи, коли його будять і виганяють за двері о другій), приєднається до нас там.
Перше питання було – де нам ночувати: «на природі» чи в заїздах?
Ми із Джорджем були за ночівлю на природі. Мовляв, у ній є щось таке первісне, вільне, патріархальне…
Золотий спомин про померле сонце повільно блідне в серцях холодних, сумних хмар. Пташки вже не співають, вони змовкли, мов зажурені діти, і лише жадібний крик болотяної куріпки та різке скрипіння деркача порушують святобливу тишу над лоном вод, де ще ледве дихає, вмираючи, день.
З імлистого лісу понад берегами нечутно крадеться примарне військо Ночі, сірі тіні; під їхнім натиском відступають останні загони дня, і під нечутною, невидною ходою цього війська хвилюється осока й зітхають очерети. Владарка Ніч, сидячи на похмурому троні, огортає чорними крилами потемнілий світ і в тиші править ним зі свого чарівного палацу, освітленого блідими зорями.
А ми завели свій човник у тиху затоку і, напнувши намет, готуємо і споживаємо скромну вечерю. Тоді запалюємо довгі люльки – і вже злагоджено