N’THEBỌCH. Eziokwu ọchị. СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски
mgbe ahụ ka m kubiri ụkwụ m, wee gaa uwe rere ure, n’ụkwụ m na-emekpa ahụ.
– Ma gịnị, ị hụrụ nke a? – M na-eche.
– Ahhh… Ee, ha chọtara.., heh.., na ịsa ahụ, n’ụdị, aga m achọ iberibe. Nke a schmuck, gbara ọtọ n’ihu enyo ekike ekike n’elu inyinya ibu ya.
– Hahahaha!!! – Yelled. – Kedu, ụdị?
– Gịnị, gịnị kpatara? – Ajụrụ m.
– Gịnị mere, gịnị?! Pin na mkpọpu ya (inyinya). N’ebe ahụ ka mpaghara ahụ niile ka na-akụ … – Harya ka na-agba egbe na Ostap tara ahụhụ. -Ha ka na-egwu egwu. Ikwu?
– Bịa, bịanụ, jụụ! – na akwado nke m.
– Ọrụ ebube otu na mposi nke shit kpuru ìsì. Site n’okpuru mmiri niile, ọ chikọtara ịnya na-adịghị agbakọ wee mepụta sọks siri ike nke yiri anya otu na otu dịka horseradish maka ụmụ nwoke, ọkara nke ọkara. Na onye ọ bụla na-aga, na-ele anya ma na-aghọtaghị onye nwere nnukwu nyocha ihe omimi nke ọ na-enweghị ike ichefu ya, o kwupụtara ya na akpụrụ akpụ. O guzoro ebe ahụ ogologo oge ma gbaa ndị ọbịa ahụ niile ume. Na nkenke, enwere otu ụlọ na-akwụghị ụgwọ ma ọ nweghị ihe ọ ga-eme ebe ahụ. Gwa m ka ọ dị mma, kedu ka ị nọ, na St. Petersburg ka ọ bụ na Moscow?!
Anyị na-elele ibe anyị anya ma na-achị ọchị.
– Gịnị ka o kwuru!? – Ihe m kwuru, akụkụ ahụ: otu narị na iri abụọ – iri ise – otu narị na iri abụọ. – Dị ka ebe niile: taa bụ pan, echi apụọla.
– Ee enwerekwa ọchị ebe ahụ. – Emegharịrị m igwe na-ama jijiji ya, nke ahụ bụ, m, na-awụ egbe ọzọ. – Anecdote ige ntị nke ọma. Ọ pụtara na beaver ahụ na osisi ahụ na-akụ ihe megidere ihe dị ugbu a, ugoloọma na-a noụ ihe nzuzu na bitch nke osisi ma na-ele ahụhụ mmekpa ahụ beaver ahụ siri ike. Ọ swam, swam, ọhụhụ, igwe mmadụ anọdụ ala na ata. «Nye, – na – eche, – m ga – ezu ike» ma jụọ ya: – Kedu, ha na – ekwu, ị na – eme ihe eserese? ya na: – M? – igwe mmadu ahụ rinụrịrị. – A na m a smokeụ achara,.. Uuuuiii!!! … Huuuuu.
Beaver: – Ya mere gịnị? Khe, hr.. – ogbe ahụ kwụsịrị anwụrụ ọkụ na-abịa n’akụkụ ya.
Crow: – iji ọsọ ọsọ.., maka ihe niile.., achọrọ m ibi… Ahhahaha!!!
Beaver: – Ma gha esi a smokeu ihe?
Ogu: – Ee, sere ma jide, jigide ruo mgbe ị ga-efepụ.. Want chọrọ ịnwale?
Beaver: – Ma gịnị, batara?!
Ìgwè mmadụ ahụ wee kụọ beaver na kọlụm anwụrụ ọkụ, dị ka nke ụgbọ olom. Beaver loro ya ma jide ya n’imi n’akpa ume ya. Ahụ ahụ òké ahụ rọrọ nwayọ wee laghachi na azụ ya, wee bido mikpuo n’ala, na-ahapụ mkpọ ma gbasaa ụkwụ ya. Onye na-ebu bea nwere afọ ojuju mgbe azụ̀ gbochiri ya, algae feere ya n’ụzọ nke ọ na-ebu ugbu a. Nakwa etu o siri hụbeghị ụdị ọhụụ na ịma mma a tupu mgbe ahụ. Ke akpa ini ke uwem esie, enye ama osụk odụk akpa ye orụk.
N’otu oge, n’akụkụ agba, Behemoth anọdụ ala n’akụkụ osimiri a wee kpochapụ ihe ọ chọrọ. Ọ hụrụ ka onye na-aaụ okpo bekọtara wee kupụ anwụrụ ọkụ.
Hippopotamus: – be bu onye na agba agwa? – O juru Hippo anya. – osisi ahụ nọ ebe ahụ, mana ugbu a, dịka akwa akwa, ị na – apụta?
Beaver: – Ebe ahụ! N’ebe ahụ!!! Gburugburu igwe mmadụ, ngwo na-aokesụ sịga!!!!!!
Hippopotamus: – Olee ebe??
Beaver: – N’ebe ahụ!!!!! – Onye na – ebu ya ugbu a, onye na – ebu ya kwuru.
Epeere Hippo ahụ nwere mmasị, ma hapụ ịgba mbọ, ọ banye na mmiri.
Otu igwe mmadụ na-anọdụ ala, na-aooụ achara ma flutters mgbe ọ nọ ọdụ. Na mberede, Hippo guzoro n’ihu onu onu ya. Ìgwè mmadụ ahụ dara mba, nọrọ ebe ahụ, fụchie nku ya, meghee anya ya, dị ka frog na-eti mkpu na ugoloji ya niile..
Oku: – Beaver, exhale!!! Na okike, tiwaa?!!!
ndetu 11
Banyere Gena
Amụrụ m Negro Ivanov. N'ịgha ụgha, ọ pụtara na a tụrụ ya okwute ma na-enyocha dọkịta nke ọma site na ụkwụ ruo n’obi. Ọ makwaara okwu ahụ, sọọsọ gburugburu ya ma gbaa ndị ọrụ gbara ya gburugburu aka. Ọ na-eme ka ọ ka mma ka eji etere aja mee anụ ahụ nwa amụrụ ọhụrụ. Ọ naghị eme ka ọcha.
– Mdaaaa!! – na – agbanye apụl nke Adam, dọkịta ochie ahụ kwụsịrị. – Gị, obere nne, nwa nwoke. Ma nwee ntụpọ na agba akpụkpọ.
Na-eche isi ya, ubu n’ubu, n’aka nri, aka ekpe:
– Ewoo, ah, ah! – Madame Madame Ivanova mara jijiji, jiri ogwu ajuju ahu. -Doctor, ezigbo dọkịta! – M na-ekpe ekpere n’ime Kraịst, bịanụ n’ihe? Ouch… Ouch! Agwakwala di gị?! Ọ bụ ohi dara nhịahụ. Kedu, m wee gaa Papua New Guinea naanị.., Oaya, iji dee akụkọ m, Wow., Banyere ndị otu nọ ebe ahụ., Ee!! Ehee, ebu, egbe na-ebe akwa!! Otu obere mowers ($ 1000), ma obughi ya enwere ike ngbanwu, onye na – egbu ogu nke isii nke kachasi elu, o nwere ike igbu oka m na gi, ikekwe m.
– Ma ọ bụrụ na m nwere ya? – anya dọkịta ahụ.
– Fuck ya, sook, ka esi a aụ mmanya!
– Madam, mechie, ịkwesịrị ịchebe gị, ị nwere mkpumkpu n’okpuru otube na n’elu ikpere… Mdaaa.. Ihe anyị ga-atụle na sayensị. Lena! Helen! – Ọ kpọrọ nwa akwụkwọ na – eto eto, ụlọ akwụkwọ ahụike na mpaghara, na aha Dandelion.
Dandelion Lena, na-emechi inyinya ibu ya ma soro ya na-akparita mkparịta ụka gburugburu, dabere na dọkịta.
– Ee, Putin Donald Trump. Adị m njikere…
– Ma kedu ihe kpatara i jiri nwee aha Dandelion?
– Ma nke ahụ, hehehe. – ejiri mkpịsị aka kpuchie ogologo imi ya, nke na-akwụ ụgwọ naanị ihe setịpụrụ, mana ọ dị ka nwa agbọghọ na-amaghị nwoke. bydị ụdị m hụrụ na kabeeji ma a I’mụrị m ọ.ụ.
Dọkịta lere ya anya, na-enweghị ntụgharị ihu, nke dị omimi, ma, na-agbasa anya ya, kuuru ume dị ukwuu, na-egbu ya nku anya.
– Chei, izu ohi, ị ga-aga ụlọ mberede, jụọ Mazi Ivanov. Will ga-agwa ya mgbe ọ zara na amụrụ ya n «ọnọdụ nkịtị, mana n’ihi mmụba, mkpụrụ ndụ ihe atụ ejikọtaghị, mụọ nwa ojii.? Nweta ya?
– Ee, Mazi Comrade Putin Donald Trump. – ma nọọsụ ahụ ji nganga pụọ n’anya ụzọ. Ọ tụgharịrị n’ime ụlọ mberede ma kwuo, sị:
– Ndewo, onye bụ Mr. Vasil Ivanov?
O bilitere ọtọ ma zaa m akwa:
– M!!!!
O lere