NGOMHLA. Inyaniso ehlekisayo. СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски
ekisayo
StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky
© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019
ISBN 978-5-0050-9566-4
Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero
ISAHLUKO SOKUQALA
inqaku loku-1
Inkosi yakhala ngempama
Emva kokuba ndibhalele umama: «Yiza i-lard, molo mama!», Ndahamba ndisiya kwicala lasekhaya elalambileyo ndaze ndacinga:
– Nguwuphi umahluko phakathi kwamaRussia namaMelika namaYurophu?
– Kwaye kwinto yokuba bahlala kwaye bacinga ngokuvakalayo, siya kufikelela. -Ndiziphendulile ndahamba. Ndafuna ukusela – eyoyikisayo kwaye iyakuluma. Ndiyahamba, ngoko ke ndihamba phakathi kwe-alley ukuya kumgama wecala eliqinisekisiweyo lekhonkrithi lishishini elithile loshishino. Ndiyabona kuya kuba mnyama. Ndiva ukuba kwelinye icala kocingo kukho umntu owenza ethule, kodwa ohlabayo, ongakwaziyo ukubetha. Ndaphendula ngokufanayo. Ndibona ukuba ingxowa yeetapile ibhabha kwenye into kwelinye icala locingo, ifakwe into apha kum nam. Ndinkqonkqoze, kwaye ibhegi ichukumise ukuhamba kwenja yohlobo olungaziwayo, kusasele ixesha ngaphambi kwam. Ndaye ndaya kuye, ndamvavanya ngobuchule, kwaye, ndingamkrokreli okanye ndicinge ngayo nantoni na, ndamkhulula, kwaye kukho …, apho?! Apho wayepakishwe eqinile, ecinezelwe soseji esitshayayo. Ngaphandle kokucinga ngayo nantoni na, ndakhupha enye, ndayibamba ibag ngeapile ka-Adam kwaye, ndiyilahla emagxeni am, ndakhawuleza ngesantya seFerrari ndisiya ehostele yam, ndadla loo sausage ingalibalekiyo endleleni.
Ndifuna kwangoko ukufunda kwaye ndiphile.
Kwenzeka ntoni emva koko?! Kuzya. U-Lee: Ungumlozi, ungumntu ophosa iibhatata, naye ungummi waseSyntyvkar kwaye weza kumhlobo wakhe kunye neqela lakhe: ummi waseAldyrbaguy gorge, ifama «Ndinike ukutya», nendima yakhe endiyidlalileyo ekuthinjweni kwaye asithethi isiRashiya.
– iphi ibhegi? Kubuza u-Kuzya.
– Kwaye wamphosa? – Umlingane ongumHebhere uphendule umbuzo.
– Kwaye ubetha impempe?
– Kwaye..
Emva koko kuza idabi lesidenge. Kodwa ngokunyaniseka, i-sausage yayikrakra-ithambile kwaye inencasa…
P.S.: Sithengise phantsi kwebhegi kusapho kwaye sazaliswa lulwandle lokugcwala kunye nobudenge… iseshoni yanikwa i-bang…
inqaku lesi-2
Umboniso wehagu
Ngenye imini, kuba benganikezeli kwiseshoni, bandithatha ndangenisa kumkhosi wemikhosi yaseSoviet Union, oko kukuthi, emkhosini. Apho, ngenyanga, ndalibala yonke into endandiyifunda kumaziko okugcina abantwana abasahlala ekhaya, enkulisa, kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo nakwizikolo ezibini ezifundisayo enamanani: amakhulu asixhenxe asibhozo amawaka anamakhulu asithoba anamashumi amane anesithathu anamanqaku amashumi amabini anesine anamakhulu amabini, oko kukuthi ngasekhohlo kwendlela esuka kwindevu ukuya kwindawo ye-bald Ngaphantsi kwendlela.
Simi, ke ngoko siphantse sasemsebenzini ekungeneni kwigumbi lomkhosi kwaye satshaya icuba emnyango. Yabakho ke intlekele kwilizwe lethu lokuphumla. Ixesha lalinzima, icuba iipakethi ezintathu ngenyanga. Kwaye indawo yethu ibekwe kufutshane neFama edibeneyo «iBull udder» kwaye kuyinyani. Ke ngoko sime kwaye sitshaye, kwaye uBawo Yaga uyaphuma emva komthi. Kuyinyani, igama lakhe yayinguJadwiga. Kulungile. -Sicinga, – inkukhu endala kwaye, nangaphandle kwayo, siphupha malunga neebhasi ezinamagqabi amnyama. Kwaye uyakhala, ephazamisa iingcinga zethu. Usisithulu kwaye uyimfama.
– Owu, majoni, phendula, www?!
– B, sidenge, yintoni le uyithukayo? Singamakhulu asibhozo anamashumi amabini eesenti kude kuwe?! Emva kocingo!!
– Njani?
– Bes! -liphendulile igosa elinoxanduva. -Ufuna ntoni, uthi, okanye uye ku-carrot chop?
– Me, utsho umakhulu. -kuya kufuneka uye kuthengisa, kwaye uncume, -Ihagu encinci, iBoryusenka. Ndiza kubeka ukukhanya kwelanga etafileni, nditsho ndikunike.
– Unjani ngoku? Ndibuze, umntu obona iihagu kuphela kwizu, kodwa ngesizathu esithile abizwa ngokuba yimvubu.
– Njani?
– Dras!! Ziswa yintoni?? Ndiphindaphinde ngelizwi.
– Ndiza kukunika inyama yengulube … -ukungeva okanye ungawuqondi umbuzo wam, endala yaphendulwa.
– Wena, apha endleleni, ubhabha i-agaric gluttonous.. – Ndicebisile, phambi kwabahlobo bam.
– Kwaye uhlala phi? -ambuza umhlobo
– Kwaye uze ezilalini ubuze uYadu, izitrato zethu ziludlolo.
– Yintoni? I-Arsenic, okanye yintoni? Ndakhwaza ndayiva endlebeni yakhe, ngokungathi umbhobho.
– Hayi, sithandwa! Hehe.. Buza uYad Vigu!!
– Kwaye iza nini? -abuza umbuzo.
– Kwaye ngeempelaveki, emini! Andizukumondla. -uphendule umakhulu wahamba wayolanda i-spiky green bush.
Ukugqiba kwam, ndacela umntu endisebenza naye.
– Comrade, ngaba uxhebe iihagu?
– Ewe kunjalo. Ndandihlala kwidolophu edibeneyo yedolophu.
I-Cawe ifikile. Sibalekele kwi-AWOL kwikona ekude yocingo. Sifike ezilalini kungekho ngxaki kwaye kwakungekho nzima kuthi ukuba simfumane indlu yakhe, ingakumbi kuba kaloku bekukho izindlu ezintlanu kuphela ezilalini, kunye nehostele enabasebenzi abafudukayo, izixhobo ezenziwe ngamaplanga. Yiza kuthetha kuye. Kwaye yena kunye ne-breadcrumbs, kunye netyuwa, kunye ne-goofer ifunyenwe. Sitye ukutya kwendalo kwaye sasela ngakumbi.
– Kulungile, mfazi mdala? – Umlingani uqale. – iphi ihagu?
– Ewe, yihagu, ithandekayo esibondeni. uye waphendula wangena egumbini. Ukhupha isiqingatha semitha. Ityhila kwaye itsala isaphetha senkulungwane yesihlanu BC, ngokucacileyo ukusukela kwiminyaka yobudala. U-rusty, rusty kunye nesibambo esongelwe kwitayile yombane.
– Apha, nyana, lo nguJoseph wam obedlulileyo, emva kweMfazwe yeHlabathi yokuQala. Xa kumzi-mveliso wenyama, wayehlala kwaye esika wonke umntu: nkomo kunye nenkukhu.
Ndaziva ndingakhululekanga ukujonga uStakhanovsky, imbonakalo eqaqambileyo. Umhlobo uthathe isitshixo ezandleni zomphathi kakubi…
– Yiza, ndikuxelele. -Ikhwelise phi, A?
Ujikajikela kwisisele.
– Apho, – uthi, -Uyintanda wam u-Borusenka.
Ndinyanisekile, ndijonga le Borusenka kwaye amehlo am abesemva kweendlebe zam.
I-corral yakhe yadutyulwa phantsi kwiibhodi nge-slits ezimbini ngabathathu. Kwaye kwi-crevice slots iifolda kunye nentonga ixhonywa kwi-elastic. Kuyabonakala ukuba le yihagu Boryushishche sisiqingatha sobomi kwaye ayixoki.
– , oh, dees zam, ndiza kuya endlwini. -ugogo obenkcunkca, egubungela umlomo wakhe wethothless kunye neekona zesikhafu. -Kanti uyinyamekele ngakumbi nge-boryusenka. Ndim kuphela kwezihlobo zam. Akho omnye umntu, ndimjongile kwasekuzalweni. Kulungile, iinkomo zam ezinqumayo. Yyyyyyy!! -Ixhegokazi yalila kwaye ngokukhawuleza yayeka ukutyibilika kwakanye yawa swoop, yatshintsha ilizwi layo lisuka kwisinyibilikisi lisiya kwisibhakela. Kwaye kwaye ungalibali, bafana, ndinayo ngentengiso…
– Yonke into iya kube ikhwaza, granny!!! -UComrade ukhuthaziwe waguqukela kum. -Nawe mhlobo wam, ndincedise ngaphandle, vula isango.
Ndasondela kancinci ndaguqula iinyibiliki, isango likhule, nengulube ayizange ifake nendlebe yakhe. Ukukhaba ibastard. Ewe, umhlobo wam khange abhideke kwangoko, kwaye nangawo onke amandla akhe, ukuba uyinquma njani ihagu kwisitayile esixhakaxhaka, esisiqingatha kwaye wakhwela. Isidlaliso, ubungakanani beplate. Emva kwemizuzwana embalwa, ihagu yavula iliso lakhe lasekunene, emva koko lasekhohlo. Emva koko kwalandela ukutyibilika, kwaye «inyamakazi» egama linguKutsiba yatsiba emathangeni akhe inamathele ngaphandle kwesisu sayo, imilenze yayo ingajongwanga.
Ukujija ngamehlo omabini enkqayiyo, emva koko kuye kwalungisa abafundi beblue blond kwicala elahlukileyo, ihagu yajika yajonga kumlinganiso. Emva kokuba