Get More. Joby Slay
your job to learn and understand what have-tos and or want-tos are motivating the people around you.
I remember when one of my colleagues interviewed a real estate agent and asked him how and why he had built his business up and, if he looked way back, what had motivated him to do it in the first place. I expect that my colleague was anticipating a deep business breakdown of how and why, and I was probably expecting something else as well, but this real estate agent just simply replied, “I had to. I didn’t have a choice. I had six kids at home I had to provide for.” My colleague was taken aback and stumbled and tried to probe a little deeper with another couple of questions, but again the real estate agent just replied, “I didn’t have a choice.” He had a powerful have-to.
I’m not saying one is better than the other, and having a little bit of both may be best, but I do think at times one may need to be amplified more than the other to create a more powerful self-motivation and drive.
Either one can be powerful in its own way. At different times and different stages of life one can become more powerful than another. As leaders, one of our roles is helping people discover which one it is and reminding them of it periodically, and that may be all the motivation that an individual needs.
“The only thing worse than running is not having something to run for.” This is a quote attributed to five-time NCAA Division III National Championship head women’s soccer coach at Messiah College, Scott Frey, after one of his players said she would never look back and miss the summer workouts.12
I’ve heard similar interviews with top athletes like Tom Brady, Cristiano Ronaldo, Michael Phelps, and Bernhard Langer. Even after they’ve “made it,” won a few Super Bowls, scored 600 goals and been signed for record transfer deals, won a dozen Olympic gold medals, or won countless Senior Tour championships in a row, when asked why they keep going and keep pressing, the response is “I have to improve. I want to be the best. I want to win. I want to beat you.” They have a powerful have-to or want-to. Even in what is supposed to be the declining years of their careers they have seemingly improved their performance. How? Why? They continue to create and find have-tos and want-tos to run for.
THE BLIND SIDE
There is a scene in the movie The Blind Side where the characters are at what is portrayed to be one of the first football practices for Michael Oher.13 If you recall the movie, they have been trying to get him to play football because he is just a huge dude. So, in this scene he is playing offensive left tackle in practice, and he’s just getting beat. He’s the biggest guy out there but just looks soft. The head coach yells out to him, “Oher! You got a hundred pounds on Collis, and you can’t keep him out of our backfield?!” The camera pans over to S.J., the little brother in the movie, sitting on the bleachers filming as Sandra Bullock’s character walks up to the top of the bleachers to sit with her son and asks, “What’s with the camera?” S.J. replies, “Michael does better when he can see what he’s supposed to be doing.” They run another play, and Michael horse-collars a defender as he goes by and throws him to the ground. The coach, a little frustrated, blows the whistle and, as he comes down from the platform he’s observing from, calls Michael out. “Oher, come here, son.” The coach meets Michael and grabs him by his shoulder pads. He gets real close to show him the technique needed to block and not get a penalty called on him and, as the coach explains, to keep Coach from getting mad at an unnecessary penalty. He finishes and sends him back to the huddle.
At this point, Sandra Bullock’s character, Leigh Anne Tuohy, starts making her way out of the bleachers towards the practice field in her high heels and asks her son, S.J., to watch her stuff. As she is making her way, the coach stands with an assistant waiting for them to run the next play and says, “Well, at least he will look good coming off the bus. They’ll be terrified until they realize he’s a marshmallow. Looks like Tarzan, plays like Jane.”
Right about this time Leigh Anne comes walking by the head coach and pats the coach on his rear and says, “Gimme a minute, Bert,” as she is about to interrupt practice. The coach is like, “We’re in the middle of practice, Leigh Anne!” And she replies, “Thank me later.” She walks over to Michael, grabs him by a little sliver of his jersey, and pulls him over to the side. The exchange goes like this: “Michael, do you remember when we went to that horrible part of town to buy you those dreadful clothes? And I was a little bit scared and you told me not to worry about it because you had my back? If anyone tried to get to me you would have stopped them, right?” Michael replies, “Yes, ma’am.” She continues, “And when you and S.J. were in that car wreck, what did you do to the airbag?” “Stopped it,” Michael replies. “You stopped it,” she reinforces. “This team is your family, Michael, and you have to protect them from those guys.” She points at the defense. Leigh Anne then pulls the quarterback and running back over and gives Michael the image that the players are his family like she and S.J. are and asks him to protect them like he would their family. She finishes with “Are you going to protect the family, Michael?” and he responds with a smile through his helmet, “Yes, ma’am.”
Now although this scene didn’t happen in the real-life story of Michael Oher, I love it because it paints a great picture of the motivational piece of knowing what’s at the core of someone and what motivates them. Sandra Bullock’s character basically reached right into Michael’s core in this scene and touched something that motivated him and then related it to the people around him and his job as a left tackle. To protect his teammates as his loved ones and family is displayed as one of his core natural instincts. The movie portrays that scene as kinda flipping the switch for him; Michael Oher turns into a bad man and starts flattening the defensive line, and he goes on to have a very successful college and NFL career.
The point is that Leigh Anne got to know Michael—she observed him and understood a little of what motivated him and some of his core fears and what he cared about. Coach is screaming and yelling, and Michael can’t hear him, but Leigh Anne connects what his role is in the team and game to what motivates Michael and gives him a visual of how to apply it to the role he’s in and help the team.
THE SAFE STOOL
This season at a coaches’ dinner Jake Webb shared a story of something he has been doing with his high school lacrosse team called the “safe stool.” Players take turns before a game or practice to sit on the stool and share whatever they want. It’s meant to be a place safe from ridicule or judgment. Jake shared that it’s been a powerful thing in the locker room as kids have been opening up and have even broken down crying on the stool while sharing some of the burdens or even tragedies in their lives. Jake explained that he had no clue some of these things were going on in his players’ lives. Do you think that knowing about some of these life situations can help Jake relate to and motivate his players more effectively?
SELF-MOTIVATION
I generally try to look for self-motivated people. People who already have some motivation, some have-to or want-to that is driving them. You don’t have to be on them constantly to do the general tasks. Regularly getting to practice on time isn’t an issue for them. They stay in shape and practice in the offseason on their own with no prompting. They gladly help others around them.
Now here is the key point for you as the coach: All people are motivated by something. That’s why it’s even more important that as a leader you understand what that something is. Because if it doesn’t align with where you’re going, then the next question is, Can you align the individual’s motivation to your organizational goals so that both the individual and the organization are served?
If not, or if you can’t discover a motivation that can align the two, even if this person is a super-talented contributor it may be best for you as the leader to encourage him or her to pursue something else. Maybe you even need this person in your organization, but while listening to the person’s motivations you discover that he or she may be better served elsewhere. As a leader, you may be negligent in the care of your players if you don’t encourage them to look at other options that may better serve them in their long-term goals. If they decide to stay with you, then that’s their decision, and then you run with them because