Snap. Patti Wood
in chairs pulled behind the back row so that their backs are against the back wall. Oddly, these seem to be the seats where people of power sit, as part of cultural norms. Unfortunately, this position might indicate a lack of engagement and/or can make it appear as if they are there to critique or judge the proceedings. These are not the qualities of truly powerful people.
I’m a short blonde woman. Early in my career, I was often told by my audiences that, when I was first introduced, but before I actually spoke, I didn’t appear to be a credible information source. I found out that, even though they knew I was a credentialed expert, they were thinking, “What is this little blonde going to teach me?” I learned early to appear “bigger” by projecting my gestures outward and making my voice lower and louder.
Conversely, some very tall people need to soften their appearance. The power of height can be so overwhelming that others back down, back away, or just don’t interact. Power isn’t about intimidation.
Charisma
Charisma comes from the Greek word charis, which means “grace.” Research shows that people with charisma are able to gracefully persuade us to buy from them, vote for them, and mate with them. Charisma intoxicates and persuades us.
Charisma is based on three of the four first-impression factors — likability, attractiveness, and power. A person who has a high level of these three characteristics also has charisma. Charismatic people take up space, relax, maintain laser-focused eye contact, focus on their listeners completely so that the latter are the center of their attention, keep all their body windows open to others, energize their listeners, and smile all the time. Do you know someone like that?
Research says that when someone’s charisma is high, it overrides our ability to tell whether that person has the fourth important first-impression factor: credibility. In other words, highly charismatic people have an easier time getting away with lying. Can you think of anyone in your life or in the public eye who has charisma but lacks integrity?
Not all highly charismatic people are dishonest, but be aware of and savvy about the potentially blinding effects of charisma. When you meet someone you find highly charismatic, pause, check up on his credibility, and remember to use your “True North” as a guide.
Charisma without credibility can be extremely powerful. In fact, sometimes it can be much more powerful and persuasive than what you hear or believe in. Watch a televised political debate with the sound off and see which candidate appeals to you. Or the next time you see a charismatic movie star in a long TV interview, turn the sound off and see what stands out. Researchers Daniel J. Benjamin, an assistant professor at Dartmouth and a fellow at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, and Jesse M. Shapiro, of the University of Chicago, examined the effects of charisma on politics in a study using Harvard undergraduates. Two hundred and sixty-four students viewed soundless, ten-second video clips of unfamiliar candidates from fifty-eight past gubernatorial elections. They “were able to pick the winning candidate at a rate significantly better than chance. When the sound was turned on and participants could hear what the candidates were saying, they were no better than chance at predicting the winner.”
The researchers found that they had to use silent clips to measure charisma because, as Benjamin said, “We found that snap decisions based on charisma are a good predictor of election outcomes. But you need to measure charisma with silent video clips rather than sound-on clips because knowing about candidate policy positions disrupts people’s ability to judge the non-verbal cues that really matter.”15
So, to determine whether someone has charisma, we may not need to hear that person speak. But do not be fooled by someone who is both charismatic and dishonest. How can you identify those who are both? You’ll have to listen to and watch them much more closely. As I mentioned in my discussion about credibility, the timing and congruence of nonverbal behaviors with actual spoken words can reveal whether someone is lying. When someone is telling the truth, her entire body aligns with her words. In addition, credible speakers exhibit facial symmetry between the upper and lower halves of their faces when speaking. Look for this when considering your social, business, and political snaps — and when dealing with someone who is highly charismatic.
(Go to www.snapfirstimpressions.com to view the video Charismatic People: The Good, the Bad, and the Both.)
Next, let’s explore how to interpret and convey the four snap impression factors — credibility, likability, attractiveness, and power — in our personal and professional lives.
Get Off to a Great Start with Handshakes and Other Greetings
My friend Jerry has been a customer service trainer for more than a decade and repeatedly gets high ratings from his audiences. But early in his career, Jerry found that it took what seemed like an eternity to get the audience to warm up to him and give him their full attention.
One day, a fellow trainer invited Jerry to watch her teach a course. Jerry sat in the back of the room and observed as his more experienced colleague made sure to greet each person who entered her workshop. She shook each person’s hand, introduced herself, asked for the person’s name, and then repeated the name. She personally welcomed each person to the program.
When the workshop started, Jerry’s colleague seemed to have immediate rapport with her participants. He vowed to try her “handshake technique” at his next presentation.
He did and the difference was astounding. By the time the workshop started, Jerry felt that he’d already made a personal connection with each person in the room and they with him. People started participating within fifteen minutes of the class starting, whereas it used to take at least a half hour to an hour to get them all involved and contributing to discussions. He could not believe the difference.
The average person shakes hands fifteen thousand times in a lifetime.1 But the choices of where, when, and with whom to share a handshake, and whether to shake hands at all, have changed over the past few years as the business culture has grown more casual. We are also exposed more often to people who have different religion- and culture-based touch and greeting norms, and to members of the germaphobic Purell generation as they enter the workforce or step into leadership roles. Shaking hands remains an important ritual for us to understand, use with ease, and appreciate as a source of first-impression information. Recent studies indicate that a firm handshake — held with a complete grip — showing strength and vigor, along with eye contact of an appropriate length, creates a favorable first impression in North America. In fact, the handshake is the quickest, most effective way to establish rapport with another person.
Instant Rapport with a Handshake
When I was in graduate school and read the study that concluded it takes an average of three hours of continuous face-to-face interaction to develop the same level of rapport you get instantly with a handshake, that fact stuck with me. Feedback from audiences at my talks and seminars has validated that finding many times, but I can no longer find the original research. It seems amazing and yet perfectly believable that a handshake can make someone feel as comfortable with you as talking with you for hours. Try it out yourself. Shake or don’t shake, and see what happens.
Research in the United States also shows that it takes an average of three hours of continuous face-to-face interaction to develop the same level of rapport you get instantly with a handshake. Yes, a handshake is equal to three hours of interaction. It’s amazing that you can shake hands with someone and, in that moment, make him feel as safe and comfortable with you as if you’d been talking for