The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf. Martin Millar
“Did someone you know have an accident or get sick?”
Daniel shook his head and tried to escape from the kitchen. Vex blocked his way. She put her face an inch from his and grinned very broadly. “Tell me what’s wrong. It can’t be that bad.”
“I tried to kiss Moonglow and it all went wrong,” said Daniel.
Vex winced. “Oh. That’s really bad. What happened?”
“She hit me.”
“Hit you?”
“Well, more of a push really.” Daniel looked thoughtful. “No, I think it qualifies as a blow actually. A violent push, say.”
“When did this happen?”
“In the cinema.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“You were singing along with the film,” said Daniel. “I picked a moment when everyone was occupied.”
“So you just grabbed her and kissed her?”
“Yes.”
“And Moonglow hit you?”
“Sort of. And she told me never to do it again.” Daniel looked crestfallen.
“Well OK,” said Vex. “At least you’ve learned something. It was a bad idea to grab Moonglow and kiss her. But it was obviously the wrong time. I mean, you were both sober. That was bound to be embarrassing. Why didn’t you just wait till the party when Moonglow had a few beers inside her?”
Daniel shook his head gloomily. “I expect you’re right. I always get these things wrong. If anyone needs me I’ll be up in my room, listening to depressing music.”
“What use is that? I keep telling you, you’re not going to get anywhere with Moonglow if you keep skulking around, doing nothing.”
“What would you suggest?”
Vex looked thoughtful. “Have you considered kissing her?”
Daniel put a weary hand to his forehead. “Agrivex. Please never talk to me again.”
“Why do people keep saying that?” said Vex, but Daniel by now had slipped past her, out of the kitchen.
As he slouched his way through the living room toward the stairs, Moonglow studiously avoided looking at him. She regretted that matters between them had come to a head that day, though she’d known they inevitably would at some point. She hadn’t expected that point to be in the middle of a film about the Runaways, when they were sitting in a cinema with five other people. It had been a very poor time to attempt to kiss her. Moonglow had been shocked, and not very pleased. She’d pushed Daniel away quite angrily. Since then they hadn’t spoken a word to each other.
It’s going to be awkward living together now, she thought.
Vex arrived back in the room and began haranguing Beauty and Delicious about playing more gigs. Yum Yum Sugary Snacks were Vex’s favorite band and she was eager to see them onstage again.
“We want to play more,” said Beauty, raising her voice over the music, “but Dominil says we have to record something. Something good.”
Beauty and Delicious had made some demos. Dominil had dismissed them as lacking in quality and demanded something better.
“Dominil is as big a pain as ever,” yelled Delicious. “If we don’t do what she says she starts sulking.”
This was far from the truth. The twins knew that without Dominil’s assistance they’d still be in the same position they’d been in a year ago: lying around their house in Camden, vaguely thinking about playing music again. Dominil now had them rehearsing regularly. Membership of the band was stable, and everyone was fairly well rehearsed.
“Even Pete is still on board,” said Beauty. “Though he’s still pining for Dominil.”
Vex laughed. She knew the story of Dominil’s one-night stand with Pete the guitarist. The affair had meant nothing to Dominil, who had merely wished to occupy herself for a few hours, knowing that the next day she faced the possibility of dying in the great werewolf feud. After the crisis passed, Dominil had shown no further interest. Pete could not get over the affair so fast. He pined for Dominil, privately at first, before going public at a gig, where he’d announced to the entire audience that he loved her. Dominil had not been pleased. Making everything worse, Pete had subsequently learned that they were all werewolves. This was serious. Hiding their werewolf nature was important to every MacRinnalch. Only the degenerate Beauty and Delicious could laugh when it went wrong.
“We’ve invited Pete here,” Beauty told Vex. “We figure he deserves another chance.”
“We thought maybe she might loosen up at a party,” said Delicious.
They looked over at Dominil, sitting quietly in the corner.
“I’ve never seen anyone look less loose,” said Delicious. “Let’s get her some wine.”
As any Scottish werewolf would have regarded it as shameful to arrive at a party without making some contribution, the kitchen was now well stocked with alcohol.
Decembrius and Kalix were still discussing the film. Kalix, in her enthusiasm, had edged very close to Decembrius and he was keenly aware of it. His attraction for Kalix had not waned, though recently he’d been frustrated by her diffidence and her reluctance to commit to anything. Even arranging a phone call with her could be difficult. Decembrius’s patience was strained, but he knew that if he complained too strongly, Kalix would simply stop talking to him. He felt some humiliation that he seemed to be powerless in the relationship. After all, Decembrius wasn’t a werewolf who had trouble finding girlfriends.
Vex, dancing nearby, stumbled into them. The impact pushed Kalix into Decembrius and he instinctively put his arm out to support her.
Vex grinned. “Are you having a nice cuddle?”
At that moment, the full moon appeared in the sky outside. Instantly, Kalix and Decembrius changed into their werewolf shape. Seeing this, Vex laughed. They heard howling from the kitchen from the twins, who had also changed. They didn’t need to howl, but they knew it would annoy Dominil.
Decembrius received the customary boost brought on by the werewolf change. He noticed that he had Kalix in his arms, so he kissed her, feeling it was the only reasonable thing to do.
Kalix kissed him back, very briefly, but withdrew. “I have to get up early in the morning.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
Decembrius looked at Kalix suspiciously. As far as he knew, Kalix never had to get up early in the morning. She wasn’t working and college hadn’t started yet. He frowned.
“Well, so what if you have to get up early?”
“So you can’t stay the night.”
Decembrius felt his humiliation returning. “I didn’t ask you if I could stay.”
“You were going to.”
“How do you know I was going to?”
“Because you’re kissing me.”
Decembrius’s powerful feeling of well-being brought on by the werewolf change evaporated rapidly. Kalix refusing to sleep with him before he’d even suggested it seemed particularly humiliating. He suddenly felt too annoyed with Kalix to argue about it.
“Who’d want to stay with you anyway?” he said harshly. He pushed Kalix away, then stormed off to the kitchen. There he found himself in the midst of an argument, with Beauty and Delicious on one side and Dominil on the other.
Dominil was irate. “You invited Pete? When we’re all werewolves?”