The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf. Martin Millar
she should have studied the area where Minerva had been slain. Her sorcerous powers might have picked up some hint as to the killer’s identity. But Thrix couldn’t go back down the mountain either. She was frozen in misery, halfway up, with her old teacher’s body lying in the rain at her feet. Thrix wept bitterly, changing from her werewolf form to her human form and then back again, not knowing which was preferable, and not knowing what to do.
Kalix slept in the back of the car and didn’t revive until they were almost at the airport. At first her memory was unclear.
“Where are we?”
“Near the airport,” said Dominil.
“Why? What’s happening?”
Dominil pulled up at a red light and turned to look at Kalix. “Don’t you remember?”
“Everything’s hazy,” said Kalix.
“You overdosed. You’re fortunate not to be dead.”
Kalix’s memory started to clear. She remembered taking some laudanum the previous night, then taking a little more.
“Did we see Minerva? Why aren’t we on the mountain?”
“Minerva is dead,” said Dominil.
The lights changed to green and they pulled away. They’d reached the edge of Inverness and were slowly funneling through the one-way system that led to the airport. Kalix still felt confused. Her face was aching. She put her hand to her bruised cheek.
“I remember Thrix hit me!” cried Kalix. “What for?” Kalix was gripped by rage at the thought of her sister hitting her.
The car stopped. Dominil turned again. “She hit you because she blamed you for Minerva’s death.”
“Me? Why?”
“Your overdose meant we were late arriving. Presumably, Thrix thinks Minerva may not have died had we been on time.”
Kalix’s outrage drained away, to be replaced by a crushing feeling of guilt and shame. She’d taken an overdose. It had made them late. Old Minerva had been left alone and exposed on the mountainside and now she was dead. Kalix moaned and tried to make herself disappear by shrinking into her seat. She sat in unhappy silence as Dominil drove to the outskirts of the airport.
“I have to leave you here. I’ve booked your ticket. Are you well enough for the journey home?”
“Why am I going home?” said Kalix. “Where are you going?”
“I have to go to the castle. There will be a lot to discuss now that Minerva’s been killed.”
Kalix felt her face burning with shame. She, of course, could not go to the castle. She was being sent home like a misbehaving child. Although “misbehaving child” didn’t seem adequate in the circumstances. Kalix could picture the scene at the castle, with every werewolf discussing Minerva’s death and blaming Kalix for it.
“I don’t want to go home,” she muttered.
“I don’t have time to discuss it,” said Dominil brusquely. “I’ve got a long drive and I have to get there before night.”
It was the third of the werewolf nights. They’d all turn into werewolves when the moon rose.
“You’ll be back in London in the afternoon,” continued Dominil. “I’ve already called Daniel, and he’ll meet you at the airport and make sure you get home.”
Dominil opened the doors. Kalix stared hopelessly at the world outside.
“Was it really my fault?” she asked, hoping for some reassurance from Dominil.
“It could have been,” said Dominil. “We don’t know for sure.”
As Kalix emerged from the car she was gripped by a disturbing sense of unreality. She stood outside the departure lounge with her bag in her hand, hardly knowing how she’d got here. Her face hurt and her ribs ached from vomiting. She felt nauseous. Her inherent werewolf strength had revived her a little, but no one could take that much laudanum without feeling the effects afterward.
Why did I take so much? she wondered. She walked slowly into the departure lounge, head bowed, wishing that she might become invisible, or, better yet, cease to exist.
I’ll never be able to talk to any MacRinnalch again, she thought. Even the thought of talking to Daniel and Moonglow was troubling. Had Dominil told them about her overdose? Would they know about Minerva’s death?
Kalix reached inside her coat and turned off her phone, scared in case any of her family might call to abuse her. She felt her tread growing heavier, and for a moment she felt she couldn’t make it to the plane. Her head swam with nausea and unhappiness. She had to hurry to the restroom, where she was once again sick.
In the cubicle, Kalix rested her head on the toilet bowl and felt her eyes fill with tears. She sighed loudly and hauled herself to her feet. She washed her hands and face. When she looked in the mirror over the sink, her skin was deathly pale and her eyes seemed shrunken, with prominent dark lines below them. Her hair was lank and dirty, and there were stains on the front of her coat.
Another journey where I’m the crazy person everyone wants to avoid, she thought, making her way slowly from the restroom to the lounge outside. She looked up at the travel indicators. There weren’t that many flights, but, even so, she had difficulty making them out. She found them confusing and difficult to read, and when some of the letters flickered and changed she began to feel a familiar sense of helplessness and panic. Fortunately, her flight was announced via the public address, quite clearly. Kalix made her way toward the departure gate with her eyes fixed on the ground in front of her.
On the plane, she drank some water and then slept again. She wished that Dominil hadn’t called Daniel, as she’d rather have slunk home unnoticed, but he was waiting for her at the exit gate at Heathrow, and there was nothing for it but to accompany him to his car. Daniel greeted her heartily. Kalix couldn’t raise a smile in reply.
“Dominil said you were unwell.”
Kalix didn’t feel like lying. “I took an overdose,” she said wearily.
“Oh. Are you OK now?”
Kalix nodded. “I’m fine. I’m tired.”
She used this as an excuse not to talk, and closed her eyes on the drive home. This didn’t prevent Daniel from talking.
“Dominil sounded grim on the phone. She always sounds grim, but this was even grimmer. Did something bad happen?”
Kalix didn’t reply.
“I didn’t mind driving to the airport anyway,” continued Daniel. “Gets me away from Moonglow for a while. Things are a bit awkward just now. We had a discussion at the cinema. It was agreed we should never have a relationship. Agreed by Moonglow, mainly. So that’s that.”
Daniel noticed that he was exceeding the speed limit and slowed down. He looked over at Kalix, whose eyes were still closed. “That’s a bad bruise.”
Kalix turned her face away. She didn’t want to talk about it. The anxiety to which she was always prone had started creeping up on her. By now, everyone at the castle would be saying it was her fault that Minerva had been killed.
It occurred to her that her sister Thrix wouldn’t let the death pass unavenged. Kalix was momentarily heartened by the prospect of revenge, but it faded as she realized she wouldn’t be involved. Thrix won’t let me join in. She’ll keep me out of it.
Kalix felt her anxiety growing. She wished that Daniel would stop talking, but didn’t want to tell him to be quiet for fear of snapping at him. She kept her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep, though her anxiety and misery were growing stronger all the time.