The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf. Martin Millar
waiting!”
“I’ll bet she is,” grunted Daniel, and followed Vex downstairs.
Moonglow was sitting with her hair wrapped in a large black towel, still damp from the shower. A few strands escaped onto her shoulders. “Will this take long?” said Moonglow. “I need to dry my hair.”
“I don’t know,” replied Vex. “It’s a complex matter. The thing is, I’m in danger of being made Queen and we need to do something about it.”
Daniel and Moonglow looked bewildered.
Vex carried on. “I was strolling through the garden of small blue flames the other day, just minding my own business, when Xakthan grabbed me. He’s chief minister to Aunt Malvie. He looks about a thousand years old. Maybe more. He’s not a lot of fun, to be honest. Though he did give me my fluffy dragon, so he can’t be all bad. No other government minister ever gave me a fluffy toy. Which is quite mean, now that I think about it. You’d think the minister for defense might have given me a fluffy elephant. It’s not like it would be that expensive, and he knows I need one.”
The general bewilderment increased.
“Do you really need a fluffy elephant?” said Moonglow.
“Well, not need, exactly,” admitted Vex. “But I’d like one. Who wouldn’t?”
“Fair point,” said Daniel. “Most people would enjoy having a fluffy elephant toy.”
“That’s what I say!” exclaimed Vex.
“Is that what this house meeting is about?” ventured Moonglow. “Fluffy elephants?”
“Not really,” admitted Vex.
Moonglow drummed her fingers lightly on the table. “I would like to dry my hair, Vex. If you could get to the point.”
“Of course!” Vex beamed. “The point is Xakthan started giving me a lecture about how I had to start behaving better and dressing better and being responsible, and not causing outrage at banquets, for instance by appearing topless—did I mention my topless banquet experience?—no? It was sort of accidental—I’ll tell you about it later—but anyway, the outcome of all this was people expect me to start behaving better because I’m now the official heir to the throne.”
Vex paused and drank from her beer bottle. “So what are we going to do?” she asked.
“Do?” said Moonglow. “About what?”
“About stopping me being Queen of course. I can’t be heir to the throne; it’s ridiculous. Imagine I was Queen. I’d have to spend all my time with government ministers. I can hardly bear to think about it.” Vex looked sternly at Daniel and Moonglow. “Steps must be taken,” she announced.
“Does Malveria really want you to be Queen?” asked Moonglow.
Vex shook her head. “I don’t think so. But now I’m officially adopted, I’m her heir.” Vex shuddered. “So what’s to be done about it?
Daniel and Kalix looked blankly at each other.
“Suggest something,” said Vex. “I can’t be Queen. I had enough of that on the volcano when everyone was shooting fire at me.”
Agrivex shuddered, as she was entitled to do. Her recent mission to the volcano, during which Malveria had made her temporary ruler of the Hiyasta, had ended with her foot being blown off. Though the Fire Queen had healed her, restoring her foot, it had been a painful and traumatic experience.
“Is it really likely you’ll ever be Queen?” asked Daniel. “Surely Malveria will produce an heir sometime? If she had a child, it would become first in line, wouldn’t it?”
Vex frowned. “Yes, but how is she going to do that? She’d need to marry someone and have children, and there’s no chance of that happening.”
“Why not?” asked Moonglow.
“She never does anything except go to fashion shows. And the only people she could marry, like Hiyasta dukes and earls, don’t go to fashion shows.”
Moonglow nodded. “Well, that’s the crux of the problem, Vex. You’ll be Malveria’s heir until she produces another one, so you’ll have to encourage her. You should match her up with some duke or earl.”
Vex slammed her palm on the table, startling the cat, who woke up, meowed and went back to sleep.
“Of course! I can do that. Definitely. Maybe. Can I do that?”
“I’m sure you can,” said Moonglow encouragingly.
Vex screwed up her face. “It sounds difficult. If I got a list of all the suitable dukes and earls, maybe you could help me make some plans?”
Neither Daniel nor Moonglow really thought they were qualified for the task of helping the Queen of the Hiyasta find a partner, but they didn’t want to discourage their friend.
“We could try,” said Daniel.
“Excellent!” Vex’s face glowed. “This has been much better than our other house meetings. I’ll get more beer to celebrate.” Vex stood up, then paused. “You know, I’d really like a fluffy elephant.”
“One thing at a time,” said Moonglow. “Your fluffy toy problems can wait.”
As soon as Vex headed for the kitchen, Daniel and Moonglow rose from the table. Moonglow headed for her room upstairs, so Daniel went in the opposite direction, following Vex into the kitchen. The young Fire Elemental was drinking another bottle of beer and eating chocolate. Daniel and Moonglow had wondered in the past how she managed to remain as thin as a twig.
“Remember to keep what we were saying a big secret,” said Vex. “If Aunt Malvie arrives, don’t say we were talking about her.”
They walked back into the living room, and at that moment Queen Malveria materialized in front of the fireplace.
“We weren’t talking about you,” said Vex.
“I beg your pardon, niece?” said Malveria.
“Nothing. I just said we weren’t talking about you. We never do. Do we, Daniel?”
“Eh, no,” muttered Daniel, and looked guilty.
“Thanks for the computer,” said Vex, to change the subject. The Fire Queen, after asking Moonglow what Vex required for college, had given Moonglow money to buy her a laptop of her own, as a birthday present. She looked around with distaste at the bottles and cans that littered the room.
“I presume the party was a success.”
“I got a boyfriend,” said Vex.
“I have come to talk to Moonglow on an important matter,” said the Fire Queen, ignoring her niece.
“I have a boyfriend!” repeated Vex.
The Queen frowned. “Daniel. You look rather downcast. Is something the matter?”
“Moonglow rejected him,” said Vex.
“Ah.” The Fire Queen nodded sagely. “Crushing his spirit?”
“Completely devastated,” said Vex. “But I’m trying not to mention it. You know, in case it upsets him. Daniel, have you noticed how I’ve hardly mentioned it?”
Daniel nodded glumly.
“Do not worry, Daniel,” said Malveria. “The unbearable humiliation of Moonglow’s rejection will lessen over time. Moonglow will probably never mention it to anyone, apart from a few of her intimate friends.”
She looked encouragingly at Daniel, but by this time he’d left the room.
“Odd,”