Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works. Knowledge house
Goring saunters over to Mabel Chiltern.]
mabel chiltern
You are very late!
lord goring
Have you missed me?
mabel chiltern
Awfully!
lord goring
Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed.
mabel chiltern
How very selfish of you!
lord goring
I am very selfish.
mabel chiltern
You are always telling me of your bad qualities, Lord Goring.
·21· lord goring
I have only told you half of them as yet, Miss Mabel!
mabel chiltern
Are the others very bad?
lord goring
Quite dreadful! When I think of them at night I go to sleep at once.
mabel chiltern
Well, I delight in your bad qualities. I wouldn’t have you part with one of them.
lord goring
How very nice of you! But then you are always nice. By the way, I want to ask you a question, Miss Mabel. Who brought Mrs. Cheveley here? That woman in heliotrope, who has just gone out of the room with your brother?
mabel chiltern
Oh, I think Lady Markby brought her. Why do you ask?
lord goring
I hadn’t seen her for years, that is all.
·22· mabel chiltern
What an absurd reason!
lord goring
All reasons are absurd.
mabel chiltern
What sort of woman is she?
lord goring
Oh! a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night!
mabel chiltern
I dislike her already.
lord goring
That shows your admirable good taste.
vicomte de nanjac
[Approaching.] Ah, the English young lady is the dragon of good taste, is she not? Quite the dragon of good taste.
lord goring
So the newspapers are always telling us.
vicomte de nanjac
I read all your English newspapers. I find them so amusing.
·23· lord goring
Then, my dear Nanjac, you must certainly read between the lines.
vicomte de nanjac
I should like to, but my professor objects. [To Mabel Chiltern.] May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the music-room, Mademoiselle?
mabel chiltern
[Looking very disappointed.] Delighted, Vicomte, quite delighted! [Turning to Lord Goring.] Aren’t you coming to the music-room?
lord goring
Not if there is any music going on, Miss Mabel.
mabel chiltern
[Severely.] The music is in German. You would not understand it.
[Goes out with the Vicomte de Nanjac. Lord Caversham comes up to his son.]
lord caversham
Well, sir! what are you doing here? Wasting your life as usual! You should be in bed, sir. You keep too late hours! I heard of you the other night at Lady Rufford’s dancing till four o’clock in the morning!
·24· lord goring
Only a quarter to four, father.
lord caversham
Can’t make out how you stand London Society. The thing has gone to the dogs, a lot of damned nobodies talking about nothing.
lord goring
I love talking about nothing, father. It is the only thing I know anything about.
lord caversham
You seem to me to be living entirely for pleasure.
lord goring
What else is there to live for, father? Nothing ages like happiness.
lord caversham
You are heartless, sir, very heartless!
lord goring
I hope not, father. Good evening, Lady Basildon!
lady basildon
[Arching two pretty eyebrows.] Are you here? I had no idea you ever came to political parties!
·25· lord goring
I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.
lady basildon
I delight in talking politics. I talk them all day long. But I can’t bear listening to them. I don’t know how the unfortunate men in the House stand these long debates.
lord goring
By never listening.
lady basildon
Really?
lord goring
[In his most serious manner.] Of course. You see, it is a very dangerous thing to listen. If one listens one may be convinced; and a man who allows himself to be convinced by an argument is a thoroughly unreasonable person.
lady basildon
Ah! that accounts for so much in men that I have never understood, and so much in women that their husbands never appreciate in them!
mrs. marchmont
[With a sigh.] Our husbands never appreciate ·26· anything in us. We have to go to others for that!
lady basildon
[Emphatically.] Yes, always to others, have we not?
lord goring
[Smiling.] And those are the views of the two ladies who are known to have the most admirable husbands in London.
mrs. marchmont
That is exactly what we can’t stand. My Reginald is quite hopelessly faultless. He is really unendurably so, at times! There is not the smallest element of excitement in knowing him.
lord goring
How terrible! Really, the thing should be more widely known!
lady basildon
Basildon is quite as bad; he is as domestic as if he was a bachelor.
mrs. marchmont
[Pressing Lady Basildon’s hand.] My poor Olivia! We have married perfect husbands, and we are well punished for it.
·27· lord goring
I should have thought it was the husbands who were punished.
mrs. marchmont
[Drawing herself up.] Oh, dear no! They are as happy as possible!