Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works. Knowledge house
is tragic how much they trust us.
lady basildon
Perfectly tragic!
lord goring
Or comic, Lady Basildon?
lady basildon
Certainly not comic, Lord Goring. How unkind of you to suggest such a thing!
mrs. marchmont
I am afraid Lord Goring is in the camp of the enemy, as usual. I saw him talking to that Mrs. Cheveley when he came in.
lord goring
Handsome woman, Mrs. Cheveley!
lady basildon
[Stiffly.] Please don’t praise other women in our presence. You might wait for us to do that!
·28· lord goring
I did wait.
mrs. marchmont
Well, we are not going to praise her. I hear she went to the Opera on Monday night, and told Tommy Rufford at supper that, as far as she could see, London Society was entirely made up of dowdies and dandies.
lord goring
She is quite right, too. The men are all dowdies and the women are all dandies, aren’t they?
mrs. marchmont
[After a pause.] Oh! do you really think that is what Mrs. Cheveley meant?
lord goring
Of course. And a very sensible remark for Mrs. Cheveley to make, too.
[Enter Mabel Chiltern. She joins the group.]
mabel chiltern
Why are you talking about Mrs. Cheveley? Everybody is talking about Mrs. Cheveley! Lord Goring says—what did you say, Lord Goring, about Mrs. Cheveley? Oh! I remember, that she was a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night.
·29· lady basildon
What a horrid combination! So very unnatural!
mrs. marchmont
[In her most dreamy manner.] I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.
lord goring
Ah! that is morbid of you, Mrs. Marchmont!
mrs. marchmont
[Brightening to a look of real pleasure.] I am so glad to hear you say that. Marchmont and I have been married for seven years, and he has never once told me that I was morbid. Men are so painfully unobservant!
lady basildon
[Turning to her.] I have always said, dear Margaret, that you were the most morbid person in London.
mrs. marchmont
Ah! but you are always sympathetic, Olivia!
mabel chiltern
Is it morbid to have a desire for food? I have a great desire for food. Lord Goring, will you give me some supper?
·30· lord goring
With pleasure, Miss Mabel. [Moves away with her.]
mabel chiltern
How horrid you have been! You have never talked to me the whole evening!
lord goring
How could I? You went away with the child-diplomatist.
mabel chiltern
You might have followed us. Pursuit would have been only polite. I don’t think I like you at all this evening!
lord goring
I like you immensely.
mabel chiltern
Well, I wish you’d show it in a more marked way! [They go downstairs.]
mrs. marchmont
Olivia, I have a curious feeling of absolute faintness. I think I should like some supper very much. I know I should like some supper.
lady basildon
I am positively dying for supper, Margaret!
·31· mrs. marchmont
Men are so horribly selfish, they never think of these things.
lady basildon
Men are grossly material, grossly material!
[The Vicomte de Nanjac enters from the music-room with some other guests. After having carefully examined all the people present, he approaches Lady Basildon.]
vicomte de nanjac
May I have the honour of taking you down to supper, Comtesse?
lady basildon
[Coldly.] I never take supper, thank you, Vicomte. [The Vicomte is about to retire. Lady Basildon, seeing this, rises at once and takes his arm.] But I will come down with you with pleasure.
vicomte de nanjac
I am so fond of eating! I am very English in all my tastes.
lady basildon
You look quite English, Vicomte, quite English.
[They pass out. Mr. Montford, a perfectly groomed young dandy, approaches Mrs. Marchmont.]
·32· mr. montford
Like some supper, Mrs. Marchmont?
mrs. marchmont
[Languidly.] Thank you, Mr. Montford, I never touch supper. [Rises hastily and takes his arm.] But I will sit beside you, and watch you.
mr. montford
I don’t know that I like being watched when I am eating!
mrs. marchmont
Then I will watch some one else.
mr. montford
I don’t know that I should like that either.
mrs. marchmont
[Severely.] Pray, Mr. Montford, do not make these painful scenes of jealousy in public!
[They go downstairs with the other guests, passing Sir Robert Chiltern and Mrs. Cheveley, who now enter.]
sir robert chiltern
And are you going to any of our country houses before you leave England, Mrs. Cheveley?
·33· mrs. cheveley
Oh, no! I can’t stand your English house-parties. In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. And then the family skeleton is always reading family prayers. My stay in England really depends on you, Sir Robert. [Sits down on the sofa.]
sir robert chiltern
[Taking a seat beside her.] Seriously?
mrs. cheveley
Quite seriously. I want to talk to you about a great political and financial scheme, about this Argentine Canal Company, in fact.
sir robert chiltern
What a tedious, practical subject for you to talk about, Mrs. Cheveley!
mrs. cheveley
Oh, I like tedious, practical subjects. What I don’t like are tedious, practical people. There is a wide difference. Besides, you are interested, I know, in International Canal schemes. You were Lord Radley’s secretary, weren’t you, when the Government bought the Suez Canal shares?
sir