African Friends and Money Matters, Second Edition. David E. Maranz
itself as a unified front in the eventuality of attack by another clan or family. If animosity was allowed to be openly manifested it would be very disruptive, if not destructive. Of course there is animosity between members of the same clan or family, even if it is hidden. And people believe they have enemies, including competitors, and that these will secretly take measures to gain an advantage over them.
On an individual level, people seek defense and protection from competitors and enemies and their secret attacks. (People do not admit that they themselves initiate attacks on their enemies, of course.) Such defenses do not identify the perpetrators of harm. Identification is seldom possible and even then of little use. Emphasis is placed on having a good defense and viewing most anyone as a possible enemy or perpetrator. The most common defenses are amulets or talismans (gris-gris, jujus, etc.) that are worn on the bodies of individuals and animals, hung in houses and fruit trees, and placed in garden plots. Most people use these defenses, whether traditionalist, Christian, or Muslim. Only Christians of very strong faith in God refrain from these practices. Muslim clerics preach against the use of black magic, but it is well known that their admonitions are largely disregarded. It is common knowledge in Muslim society that leaders resort to such practices.
This does not imply that people remain passive to assumed attacks. There are many “ritual practitioners,” to use a euphemistic label. These include shamans, sorcerers, diviners, mediums, and magicians. These ritual specialists are engaged for offensive as well as defensive purposes. In one predominantly Muslim country, serious attempts to estimate the number of ritual practitioners determined that there was approximately one for every 150 people. This was in addition to non-Muslim practitioners in the population. So in total, several thousand individuals actively performed protective, defensive or offensive magic on behalf of clients.77 Obviously many customers are required to support such a large number.
77 Maranz 1993:191.
Appreciation
Don’t praise the legs more than the thighs.
Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)78
78 Clasberry 2010:92.
Africans appreciate receiving expressions of gratitude, as would any people. But expressions of compliments or appreciation are not always easy to recognize or interpret. Different cultures have their own rules or ways of expressing such sentiments. The proper way of expressing them may well contrast widely with customs in the West. In some African cultures compliments and words of praise are only given among close friends. In such cultures there is fear of arousing jealousies or a backlash of the evil eye, if the one at the receiving end of the kind words does not have confidence in the one expressing them. The Botswana appreciate compliments; they mark the giver as “respectful and gracious, two qualities most appreciated.”79 But it may be prudent to carefully avoid specifically mentioning what they did, lest others observing the accolade become jealous.
79 Devine and Braganti 1995:18.
In many African cultures the proper way of showing gratitude is similar to the following example: The way to thank a person is not to give profuse thanks after a favor, but some time later to recount the favor(s) done to a third party in the presence of the one who did the favor. And if someone does that to you, listen quietly, and try to find a way to return the compliment. My interpretation of this way of showing appreciation is especially significant in that it shows the favor is remembered, and acknowledges it in front of peers. This shows more appreciation than does paying someone for their services, after which the favor is forgotten.80 Implicit in this example is the time factor. Appreciation is best shown some time after receiving a compliment or other circumstance. Returning a favor immediately risks creating a distance between the receiver and the giver. It may be interpreted as a sign that the recipient does not want to maintain the relationship, which is implied in giving and receiving these tokens of friendship over time.
80 Escher 1998.
Perhaps even more surprising is the custom of giving a compliment in the form of a request, or even a demand for something, such as saying, “I like your shoes, give me a pair.” This can be very off-putting for a Westerner who does not understand this way of giving compliments. He or she takes offense, thinking the person is truly asking that they be given the item in question. A common request is for the shirt or blouse someone is wearing. In such cases, the request should be taken lightly as an indirect compliment (unless of course the recipient immediately takes off his shirt and hands it to the giver—imagine the surprise if this happened!).
Sometimes a request is not a compliment but a literal request for something. Should a child ask for the pen in your pocket, it is not a compliment but a literal request. Determining whether a request is a compliment or a request sometimes can be difficult. In any case, requests should best be treated as Africans do: as part of social interactions, sometimes involving one-upmanship, and often including the art of verbal dueling. They don’t get uptight about such things, and neither should the expatriate.
Generosity
If giving away were to bring us to poverty,
one who shaves would never get his hair back.
Wolof proverb (Senegal)81
81 Shawyer 2009:40.
Generosity is a very important virtue in Africa. A good person is generous. A stingy person is not respected. A foreigner in Africa who wants to be “good” must find answers to two questions: How in practical terms can I be generous? and, How can I be so in ways that are helpful? Too often Westerners, including Western governments and aid agencies, give to individuals or organizations in ways that are detrimental in the long run.82 The situations addressed below relate to generosity and giving on an individual’s level. No attempt is made here to address generosity from the standpoint of an organization or a government.
82 See Corbett and Fikkert 2009, and Schwarz 2007.
Asking
Food not liked is still eaten when hungry.
Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)83
83 Clasberry 2010:106.
In Western cultures people do not ordinarily ask for things or for financial assistance from other individuals (asking for assistance from government is a different matter). By contrast, in many African cultures there is no taboo against asking family and friends for whatever may be needed. I have many times been asked for money, my shirt, even my pickup truck. Once someone even asked me for my teenage daughter (and he was serious)! It would probably be rare to find an expat who has spent any time in Africa who has not been asked for money or other things many times. An American tourist who had scarcely arrived in a particular country was so disturbed by this that he asked, “What about all this asking for things and money? I’ve only been here a few hours and I’m ready to get on the next plane for home.”
Expats are uncomfortable and probably annoyed when people ask for money or other things. They normally have several reactions. First, they are unaccustomed to such requests and feel put on the spot. They are in a new situation, have no experience with such demands, and feel pressured to respond immediately. Sometimes the asker is aggressive and insistent, which makes the expat even more uncomfortable.
In the context of generosity, the focus of this section, the expat probably wants to be generous. In such a face-to-face situation, the “asker” presents a challenge. The Westerner is used to giving on his or her own terms. Here, the asker wants to set the terms. A