African Friends and Money Matters, Second Edition. David E. Maranz
target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#ulink_a39bec72-b571-5fb8-87ac-3a624ab533aa">88 De Jong 2007.
Some expat women working in Africa have found it to be a man’s world. When they occupy positions of authority, it is common for some African men to resent them. In such cases it is prudent for a woman to not insist that men respect her rights, authority, or equality, if she wants to build productive relationships. One Western woman describes her experience:
Working in the accounting office I had a man working under me. I was in a way his boss, supervising some of his work.…He always treated me as if he was my superior.…After learning about the social hierarchy (God above man, then in descending order: women, children, animals, and nature) I found a strategy to use when needing men to do something for me. I would say to this man: ‘My husband sent me, would you do this or that for me?’ This seemed to have a soothing effect and the task would be done very effectively.89
89 Haibucher 1999a.
Not all Western women have the humility to put smooth relations above what they perceive of as their rights. This example from real life shows that it is more productive to value the project’s success rather than trying to change African culture.
Mani points out to what extent Africa, or at least the Kamba region of East Africa, is a man’s world. Male dominance is demonstrated even in the way men are served food. At mealtime the best portions of meat are reserved for them. This dominance is also shown in decision-making, where women are thought to be incapable of making important decisions. Decisions which affect the family are the prerogative of men to make. Mani concludes that these patterns of subordination of one gender promotes inequality across the society.90
90 Mani 2010.
Westerners may look at traditional male dominance as predominantly negative. They should not do so. In many ways, traditional African women have a great degree of freedom. Beyond performing their required duties with husband and children, they are at liberty to carry on business and other activities outside the home. Many sell products from their gardens in local markets. More and more, development agencies recognize the dynamism and management skills of women. Micro loans to women are part of many successful programs. “In some countries women dominate the markets and the retail trade, and some have become quite wealthy. Those who drive Mercedes-Benz cars are often referred to as ‘Mama-Benz.’”91 On many flights to and from Africa I have traveled with African businesswomen, who are profitably engaged in international trade. Traditional Africa may be a man’s world at home, but that is far from being the whole story.
91 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:43.
2
Everyday Africa
Introduction
The best medicine for a person is another person.
Wolof proverb92
92 Shawyer 2009:78.
Africans are social. It would be hard to overemphasize this fact. They believe and practice interdependence, and strongly dislike acting independently. Interdependence means depending on others, being in relationship with wide webs of kinship and friendship. In many African languages there are proverbs which emphasize the importance—even the centrality to life—of relationships with fellow humans. In South Africa the Zulu say, Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu. This means that only through others can a person become complete. Humans cannot live fully except through interacting with their fellows.
At the other extreme of Africa, the Wolof of Senegal express the identical concept: Nit, nit-ay garabam, “Man has no other remedy but man.” Another Wolof proverb expresses a similar belief, Ku am nit ñi ñakkoo dara, “He who has friends lacks nothing.”93
93 Sylla 1978:107–108.
Theologian David Bosch comments on this philosophy of man as follows:
There is profound wisdom in [these] proverbs. By participating in the other man’s humanity we are both shaped and led to maturity. This is preeminently true of the black man in Africa. For example, I have often noticed that, after a [church] service, the black Christians do not at all appear eager to return to their homes. They linger awhile, almost as though they are unsatisfied, as though they are waiting for more or for something else. The religious service with its emphasis on preaching and one-way communication has not been enough. There still remains the desire to share, to experience fellowship, to reach out to one another.94
94 Bosch 2001:96.
The topics presented in this chapter at their core involve personal relationships. African everyday customs are centered on people. Western culture could be described as centered on things and technology much more than is the case in Africa. Even the new phenomenon of social media uses “things” as a means to interact with friends and business associates. Instead of direct human-to-human contact, technology acts as a buffer, minimizing the normal give-and-take of personal interaction. In contrast, African societies developed human relationships to an amazing complexity. Although this discussion will not elaborate on the topics, African societies were and are complex in countless ways: involving clans, polygyny, totems, taboos, relations with ancestors, gods and spirits, society in hierarchies, secret societies, and castes in many ethnic groups—the list could be expanded almost ad infinitum. Of course, modern Africans use and rely on technology and machines, for example, in transportation, and more recently in the wide use of cell phones. Still, a case can be made that “technology” has been less important in Africa than in the West, while people and their relationships have been, and still are, of utmost importance.
The Senegalese philosopher Assan Sylla describes the Wolof ethic of life as centered on well-being and living well (bien vivre), social peace, and a good religious conscience. It is founded on the dignity of humans, establishing institutions that “assure that its members are more and more interdependent (solidaire), horizontally with the living, and vertically with ancestors and descendants.” This ethic, and the values it encompasses, is certainly representative of societies across Africa.95
95 Sylla 1978:164.
Friendliness
There is no one-way friendship
Maasai proverb, Kenya96
96 Bryan 1999.
I have felt welcome wherever I have traveled in Africa. I do remember an exception or two, when I happened upon men illegally engaged in cutting down a forest or other nefarious behavior. After having lived and worked in countries where a North American was not always well received, for example, where people threw rocks at those they did not want to have around, or being stopped by very unpleasant and threatening police, it was most reassuring to feel almost universally welcome.
It is a common sight while driving along rural roads in Africa, to have adults and children wave while looking up from their endeavors, their gaze following your vehicle as it passes. I often wondered what was in their minds as they did this: Was it friendliness, or curiosity, or wonder at the spectacle, as common as it might be? I always attempted to wave back, but always felt a little hypocritical, knowing that nothing could come of this “friendship.”
Nigel Barley, in his perceptive personal chronicle as a foreigner in Africa, describes the reaction of countless visitors:
It came as a great surprise to me after the officials with whom I had to deal, how friendly