The Clutter Remedy. Marla Stone
get married, leaving a relationship, or traveling to a faraway place. Secret dreams could be about quitting a job and having down time. When people don’t articulate their innermost desires, it’s as if they are building a wall to keep their dreams from escaping into reality. Whatever is true for you, this is the time to be the conductor of your own well-orchestrated life.
Joan collected everything to do with horses. As a child she had dreamed of owning and riding horses, and in lieu of ever doing that she started collecting horse figurines, which as an adult she continued to display throughout her home. In adulthood, Joan started to buy equestrian clothing and equipment, such as stirrup pants, cowboy boots, hats, saddles, and horseshoes. Though she secretly held on to her childhood dreams and still fantasized about living an equestrian lifestyle, the only thing she did to pursue it was to collect more stuff. After Joan did an assessment of her current lifestyle, she realized she had thwarted and ignored her dream of being an equestrian. At first Joan thought the answer to her clutter challenge would mean getting rid of her horse collections, but after admitting her dreams out loud, she realized the opposite. Not only did she want to keep her stuff, but she began to actively pursue an equestrian lifestyle, which improved her life immensely. Joan found a horse she could afford and started riding lessons, and soon she found a “cowboy” boyfriend to go line dancing with. She enjoyed and loved all her collections again and began regularly using her riding gear. Joan started volunteering with therapy horses and then teaching her grandkids how to ride, which became one of the most fulfilling dreams she could pursue.
Emilio had always dreamed of being a champion tennis player, and when I met him, he had an overaccumulation of tennis gear, including twenty-two tennis rackets and closets filled with tennis clothes and shoes. However, he rarely played tennis. He did not exercise, practice, or meet with a tennis coach regularly. Most of his time was spent working to support his family and hanging out with his friends.
Emilio loved the idea of being a tennis star, and he entered a few tennis tournaments, but he never won. He did not have the physical stamina, technique, or discipline to practice for hours and hours every week. Emilio’s coaches told him he did not have the hand-eye coordination, balance, or timing it takes to be a great player. No matter what he was told, Emilio still believed he was going to be a professional tennis player, and he initially insisted on keeping all his tennis gear for his “future victories.”
In truth, Emilio did not want to face his own disappointment over not achieving his tennis dreams. Over time, Emilio started to search for a new sport to enjoy and excel in. After much introspection, Emilio discovered golf, which was much more in line with his particular athletic abilities. Emilio’s new passion and focus on golf helped him clear out all his tennis gear, which he donated to charity. In its place Emilio purchased a new golf wardrobe and golf equipment, and he made a point of only purchasing what he would use regularly, what served a purpose, and things he loved. He acknowledged overcollecting did not equate to excelling in something.
The point of these stories is that making major changes in your life is not as important as feeling happy, enthusiastic, and productive. Changing is something you want to do or don’t want to do. When change is something you want, do it in small steps, with competence, and have a deadline to accomplish your goals. You don’t want to jump off the high dive when you haven’t learned how to swim well. Creating a world that is safe, economically sound, and in harmony with your qualifications, proficiencies, desires, and goals takes discipline, determination, planning, and follow-through. Getting a clear read on where you stand currently helps you plan the future you want to achieve. Doing the next exercise will help you understand your current self better. When you understand your inner self better, you will understand everything in your life better, especially your clutter.
CURRENT LIFE-STATUS INVENTORY
Next, create what I call your “current life-status inventory,” which is your individual current life picture. Living your ideal lifestyle means taking a considerable look into your current one. This inventory helps you determine if you have settled for a less-than-ideal life. When you look at your current life on paper, you can come to realize that it is “dated,” like some of the old clothes and electronics you still own. You can realize you feel trapped, like some projects you stuffed away under the bed. You can have thoughts locked in your head that indicate you “don’t deserve anything better.” You could have adopted a steady and secure lifestyle in order to not “rock the boat.” Getting a baseline of your current life status helps you develop what you want now and for the future. Answering the nine questions below helps prepare you for the balance it takes to become perpetually organized.
1.Where do you live? Who do you live with?
2.Do you work? If so, where?
3.Are you happy or unhappy about the above situations? Explain.
4.Who are you, and what are you about? What do you do in life?
5.What do you do for fun and/or relaxation?
6.Name the closest people in your life. Do they bring you happiness? Why or why not?
7.Briefly explain how well you are doing in the following areas:
•Relationships
•Mental health
•Emotions
•Physical health
•Social life
•Money
•Culture / beliefs about life
8.What are you doing to improve in or change about the above areas?
9.Which five positive feelings or emotions would you like to experience more often?
Improving your life takes some digging around in places that are complex and painful. I won’t beat around the bush on that. A great life doesn’t magically happen. Inducing marvel, instead of stupor, in your life takes a plan of action and a bold trek into anything that will get in your way. Any past negative experiences that still cause you pain may not always be recognizable, unless you get real with parts of yourself that have gone by the wayside. There may be younger, wounded aspects of yourself you have buried and not dealt with. An ideal lifestyle is only as ideal as you make it, and it occurs when your emotional clutter is cleared and healed.
RECOGNIZING AND HEALING PAST WOUNDS
The most difficult emotions that arise during decluttering and organizing often relate to traumatic or hurtful incidents that happened in the past. People don’t realize the connection between the past and the present since they believe they “got over” those past events years ago. However, emotional scars can be persistent and enduring. They don’t disappear, poof, all gone, just because we wish them away or say so. Painful events can stay with us and well up at the most inconvenient time. Sometimes people say they “got over” or “got past” things, but what they mean is that they ignored and buried the pain, believing that time alone would heal those wounds. As most people eventually learn, emotions don’t work this way. Instead, blocking and stuffing pain only defers our experience of it, and those feelings can blow up in our face at any given moment, blinding us, and send us heading for a fall. Experiences you put “behind” you will eventually chase you down. Healing takes both time and focused effort. It doesn’t happen on its own.
Confronting clutter can trigger old wounds. When it is approached willingly, by facing those wounds, it can lead to a cathartic experience through which you release the pain and suffering for good. This first means acknowledging and feeling your emotions, and no longer holding them in, and this may involve tears, crying, and expressing and expelling negative emotions in a curative and beneficial way. To get all of the angst and trauma out, you want to pull out pain by the roots.
Clearing and Healing Strategy
A great strategy for clearing up emotional clutter and healing any past trauma is what I call a “clearing and healing strategy.” This is a way to have inner communication with past parts of yourself. It starts by listing five of your most common negative emotions, those dark feelings you experience on a regular basis. Feel those emotions and remember when those awful feelings first started. Identify how old that part of yourself