The Icing on the Corpse. Mary Jane Maffini
“Oh, Camilla, you know how Daddy is about helping people. He'd never understand.”
Nicely understated. Somewhere back in time, my father had fond memories of Alvin's mother, now the widow of a spectacularly alcoholic shoe salesman. Alvin was number six of seven children and definitely in need of help. Since my father is the only person in the world I've never talked back to, Alvin continues to clog my life in his own special way.
My cellphone rang. This time Alvin answered on ring one.
“You're right, Daddy won't understand,” I said to Edwina. “And I'm stuck with the situation. So learn to call me at home.”
Alvin tapped my shoulder.
Edwina likes to dish out orders, not receive them. “No need to be snippy, Miss. I need your cooperation to deal with Alexa's wedding. The way it's going, it will drive the whole family crazy.”
I swatted at Alvin's hand. “Take a message,” I mouthed.
“The whole family's already crazy, Edwina,” I said. “And what do you have to complain about, anyway? It's not like you're stuck with being a bridesmaid. Try a little perspective.”
“Perspective?” Edwina sounded like she was choking. “Don't tell me to show a little perspective, Little-Miss-I-can't cooperate on any of the arrangements for my own sister's wedding because I was put on this earth to make life difficult for the human race.”
Alvin moved over to the front of my desk. He had his hand over the receiver. “I think you'd better take this one.”
“Listen, Edwina, if you mean the…”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“No need to be nasty.”
I showed Alvin my middle finger.
Edwina sputtered from the receiver.
“Gotta go, Edwina. We should keep the discussions of the wedding to non-office hours, since you're so emotional.”
“What? You listen to me, Camilla MacPhee. You are the biggest problem we have. The point of my call is to tell you to shape up.”
Alvin stuck his face six inches from mine. Behind the pointy black spectacles his eyes were slits. He tried to wrap my hand around the receiver.
“One minute.”
“Don't you ‘one minute’ me,” Edwina barked. “Your sister has a well-deserved second chance at happiness, and she doesn't need you to act like a spoiled brat and ruin everything. Do I make myself clear?”
“If Alexa's foolish enough to think she can be happy with a pudgy middle-aged police officer.…”
It takes more than a loud voice to force the supreme ruler to back down. “Fine. We're having a family dinner,” she said. “Wednesday. My place. Six thirty. We'll discuss it then.”
Family dinner? I thought fast. Trip out of town? Frostbite? Amnesia? “But.”
“No buts. Stan will pick you up.” Edwina hung up before I could think of twelve unassailable reasons why I couldn't attend. Trounced again.
Alvin paced in front of my desk. The parrots on his shirt flapped.
“Is it necessary to hound me when I'm on the phone?”
“It's Lindsay Grace,” he said. “She says it's an emergency.”
I grabbed the receiver.
“Lindsay?”
Nothing.
“Lindsay? It's Camilla. Are you all right?”
Dead air.
“Lindsay!” Shouting didn't help. The dial tone was the last sound I wanted to hear. I sank into my chair. To do Alvin credit, he didn't think it was funny.
“Did she say where she was calling from?”
He shook his head.
“Did she say what happened?”
“No. She said it was urgent, and she needed to talk to you.”
“That was it?”
“She kept saying Benning was out.”
“Hardly.”
“That's what she said. She was practically hysterical.”
“Well, she's often hysterical. And he can't be out. That's absurd.”
“But what if he is?”
I couldn't bring myself to think about it.
“Not possible. Ralph Benning is a guest of the Regional Detention Centre, and he's not going anywhere.”
“But it's Benning. Anything could happen. He is going somewhere. They have to move him to the Courthouse.” Behind the fake tan, Alvin was pale. Who wouldn't be?
“Look, Alvin. He is behind Plexiglas and bars. When they move him, he'll be shackled and surrounded by big guys with Glocks and nervous twitches.”
He turned toward the wall and bit his lip. “He'll murder her. Remember? He's threatened to.”
I remembered all right. If anyone could escape, he could. And if Ralph Benning was out, he would find a way to kill Lindsay. No doubt about it. But how could he be out? My hands were shaking as I dialed her number.
But Lindsay Grace didn't answer.
Three
Stop hyperventilating, Alvin.”
“Well, do something. If he's cunning enough to slip out of jail, he can find her too.”
“It's obviously some kind of mistake, but if she's upset, she needs help. I'll head right over and see what I can do to reassure her. It's probably the stress of knowing the sentencing hearing's today. She's been overwrought.”
“I'll call 911,” Alvin said. “She needs help.”
I yanked the receiver from his hand. “No. Remember the last time he was on the loose so long? People figured he has some kind of inside contact. Even Lindsay thought so. We don't want some dispatcher blasting out Lindsay's address and the wrong person hearing it and passing the information on to Benning. He could use some of his connections to harass her.”
“Lord thundering Jesus.”
“Exactly.” I stuck my feet into the depths of the icy boots.
“I'm coming with you.” Alvin grabbed his studded black leather jacket from the coat rack. I knew his jacket had no winter lining, although it was accessorized with an extensive Mickey Mouse scarf. Oh sure, that was all I needed. To have to explain to my father and Alvin's sainted mother how I'd encouraged him to die of exposure while under my tutelage.
“You must be kidding.”
“I'm not kidding.” Alvin's black eyes flashed behind the cat's eye glasses.
“You are not coming.”
“Yes, I am.” Alvin was already zipping up the jacket.
“Get this straight, Alvin. You are staying here.”
“Wrong.”
I hate that manic glitter in his eyes. Time to change tactics. No point in discussing his lack of suitable winter clothing. I didn't want to bring on another bout of mind over matter. “Your newfound interest in social justice is touching, but it's important for you to be in the office.”
“That's quite a change in policy.”
He had a point. I spend my energy devising ways to remove him from the office on a permanent basis. He raised one eyebrow over the rim of the cat's eye glasses. It was an effect my sisters would have envied. But I was