The Icing on the Corpse. Mary Jane Maffini
steady stream of cars edged by, most of the drivers shooting reproachful glances. Every second driver blew his horn.
I stared back at each vehicle, expecting to catch Ralph Benning's hard black eyes boring through my soul. The first break in the traffic, I climbed out and pretended to fish a blanket from the trunk. No one was parked behind me. I didn't spot Benning in the straggly line of traffic.
But he was out there. So how the hell could I connect with Lindsay without inviting Benning to the party?
“What?” Alvin said. “Are you out of your tiny mind?”
“Show a little respect. I am, after all, your employer.”
“I suppose you are. In the broadest sense of the term.”
“I am your employer in every sense of the term. Do I understand that is no longer your heart's desire?”
“Yeah, but this is not an office administration activity. Admit it, Camilla.”
“I believe it falls under Other Duties as Required.”
“Well, I don't think it's legal to ask someone to pretend to be someone else.”
“Alvin, say the word, and I'll put an ad in the paper for a replacement.”
“No need to be snotty. You could at least give me one good reason.”
“Lindsay Grace is the reason. If Benning follows me, and he's sharp enough to, I'll lead him right to her.”
“Well, why didn't you say so? Do you have to be so frigging mysterious? Give me a minute. And listen, I cant reach Elaine. I left messages at her home, her office, and her cellphone.”
“Did you leave my cellphone number?”
“Of course.”
“Don't worry. We'll hear from her. And Alvin.…”
“On my way.” He hung up before I could tell him it would take me a while to negotiate the drive back.
The line was already busy when I dialed again. Oh, well.
“Aloha,” I said.
With a one-way street system, you don't get anywhere in a minute. No matter how much you want to. With the clogged streets and cop cruisers everywhere, it took nearly half an hour to reach my parking garage.
I drew some satisfaction from the thought of dragging Benning on a wild goose chase. I tried not to dwell on Alvin in the garage. By the time I edged up the ramp and into my spot, the car was nice and warm. Alvin was neither warm nor nice.
“If you hadn't hung up on me, I would have told you to wait for me in the office.”
I couldn't make out what he answered the way his teeth chattered.
“Head back to the office.” I clanged after him down the metal stairwell to our level. “We'll talk on the beach at Fort Lauderdale.”
“Mmmind over mmmatter.” He didn't break stride.
“All right,” I said when Alvin showed signs of recovery. “I should have made myself clear.” It was hard not to feel bad about Alvin's half-frozen state. Especially since I'd been hoping he'd exhibit an unacceptable level of insubordination and I would be forced, despite my kind and gentle nature, to fire him.
“The weather doesn't bother me.” He shook like a wet wolfhound.
I was not used to him being polite. “I told you I was sorry.”
“And I told you I'm fine. Not cold at all. Don't waste time. That maniac could be on his way to Lindsay's right now.”
“I don't see how. She made sure nobody knows where her new place is, except us.”
“Us? You mean you,” said Alvin.
“Right. Me. None of her friends. None of his friends. Not the police. No one but me and Elaine, of course.”
“He could find out.”
I shook my head. “I don't think so. Not this quickly.”
Alvin took a deep breath, but I wasn't finished.
“I'm his best bet. He'll figure I'll head straight for her. I can't take the chance that he'll follow me there.”
“Lord thundering Jesus, you need to check on her.”
“Hold that thought, Alvin. So, to finish up, he can follow me. Only I will be you. You will be me. And you can lead him to think he's on his way to Lindsay's.”
On the bright side, at least Alvin would be warm, and I wouldn't have to put his pine-boxed frozen corpse onto a train bound for his weeping mother in Sydney.
No indeedy, Alvin would be real toasty in my parka, my thinsulate-lined gloves, my red hat and my recently-warmed car as he led Ralph Benning on a fool's errand around the second coldest capital city in the world. He even had my cellphone, for what it was worth.
I tried not to dwell on how Alvin would drive without the cat s eye glasses. Sometimes you have to trust in a higher power.
I wanted to give Alvin plenty of time to drive down the ramp of the garage and back out into traffic. I figured after twenty minutes he'd be stuck on Elgin going nowhere fast. Not even Benning could find Lindsay Grace in less than an hour.
I hoped like hell I was right.
Four
My old friend Merv picked up on the first ring.
“Blessed are those on sick leave,” I said, “for they shall be available on weekdays to help their buddies.”
“Sorry, wrong number,” Merv said.
“Can you pick me up?”
“In this weather? Not if my life depended on it.” That Merv. Always one with a snappy comeback.
“Someone's life does depend on it. Pick me up at the library front door in half an hour.”
“Forget it, Camilla. I'm busy with daytime TV. And I've learned people have to respect my boundaries.”
“You're an active RCMP officer, even if you are malingering. And I know how much you like to save defenceless women at risk from dangerous men.”
Merv snorted. “Defenceless women? I love that, Camilla. You're about as defenceless as a grizzly with two cubs.”
“Not me. It's a serious and dangerous situation. I'll explain later. And, as an added bonus, I promise to respect your boundaries. You can tell me what they are when you pick me up.”
“Aw, c'mon, Camilla.” I could tell by his voice he was hooked.
“The library. Laurier entrance. Keep your front passenger door unlocked.”
“Don't tease. Tell me what's happening.”
“And bring your pajamas.”
“What?”
“Twenty-nine minutes, Merv. You're a bud.”
I stuck my nose in the Lost and Found section, otherwise known as the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. It was a great source of mismatched gloves, scarves, a couple of musty cardigans, an Icelandic sweater, four umbrellas, several handkerchiefs, paperbacks, glasses, an old raccoon hat and Alvin's lunch. I filled a bag with all the sweaters, scarves, gloves and the fur hat. I left the umbrellas. I slipped on Alvin's glasses and surrounded myself with his jacket. It was long but tight. I guessed I could learn to live with the coconut