Hope & Healing for Transcending Loss. Ashley Davis Bush
Today
Know that your dear one is with you, now and forever.
January 23
After a star dies, its light continues to shine for millions of years. So it is with your loved one. Their light just keeps shining, especially through the ones who are still here. Look and you will see that their light still shines all around you . . . and even shines through you.
Today
Watch for ways that the light of your loved one still shines.
January 24
You can't force it to be spring if it is winter. If you are in the winter of your grief, let yourself hibernate. Stop fighting the fact that it's winter. Rest in your grief; let it be. While winter days will still reappear now and then for the rest of your life, spring thaw will start to happen as time goes by. Spring flowers will even bloom again. But for now, be in your winter.
Today
Be where you are.
January 25
Notice the ways in which you are absorbing aspects of your dear one into your personality: Do you tell their jokes? Cook their recipes? Listen to their music? Have their attitude? Support their sports teams? Are you inspired by their courage, their laughter, their example? Let them become a part of you as you carry on their legacy.
Today
Reflect on ways that you are similar to your loved one.
January 26
Do not expect “closure” from your grief, or even a natural “end.” You will not get over this the way you would get over an illness. You can expect to feel pain, to integrate loss into your life, and to continually be sideswiped by sorrow. However, the intensity will change over time. You can also expect to experience love as an ever-present infusion into your being. So, while you won't have complete “closure” on your grief, you can know that you'll also not have closure on the love, the impact, and the presence of your dear one.
Today
Let go of the idea of “closure.”
January 27
Grief may well be one of the most surprising journeys you've ever been on. You could be surprised at the intensity of your pain. You are likely surprised by some people's reactions to your pain. It's possibly surprising how grief is a lifelong adaptation to your loss. And you may find surprise in the places that grief can take you—places of growth, love, and compassion. Try to be open to the unexpected.
Today
In what ways is grief surprising you?
January 28
If you think that death means your relationship is over, you are wrong. You are still in a relationship with your loved one, and you always will be. You will continue to love, to cherish, to remember, even to talk out loud to them. Your relationship is transformed to one without physical form, but it is nevertheless a relationship. Let it unfold into something new.
Today
Know that your relationship is eternal.
January 29
You are more than your grief, more than your pain, more than your sorrow. You are a being of light who can tap into a great energy that is within you and beyond you. Let this time of year be a time to hold your grief and your light simultaneously. Dwell in stillness and know that the light connects you now and always to all those you have loved and lost.
Today
Connect to the light that is at the core within you.
January 30
Grief asks you to be a turtle. Like a turtle, you need to retreat into your shell to rest. Let yourself do so. Pull into that shell for respite. There will be a time to come out of the shell, for short periods and then longer periods. For now, know that it is okay to draw inward.
Today
Give yourself permission to pull into your shell.
January 31
Just when you feel you cannot bear any more sadness, you will notice some tenderness, some beauty, some light. Look around you and begin to notice the smallest signs that, in the midst of sorrow, bring you a measure of comfort. Perhaps it's a hug, a card, a gesture, a musical note, a photo, a hand holding yours. These are the little lifelines that help you hold on when you wonder whether you can. You can and you will.
Today
Open your eyes and notice simple comforts around you.
February 1
What if your final conversation was not a heartfelt, loving moment? What if your final conversation was an argument or an unkind word? It's time to forgive yourself for being human. You didn't know that it would be your last interaction—nor did they. Your ticket to freedom is forgiving yourself. Yes, you wish it could have unfolded differently, but you are left with the reality of what actually happened. They have forgiven you; now it's your turn.
Today
Breathe in acceptance, breathe out guilt. Breathe in forgiveness, breathe out regret.
February 2
What happens to the pain over time? It changes and evolves and transforms and softens. However, some days, even many years later, you may experience a sharp edge—maybe as sharp as in the first few months or years of your grief. This is normal for those living with loss.
Today
Remember that in spite of the occasional sharp edge, your grief will soften over time.
February 3
Writing about your experience can be incredibly profound. There is something about pulling the feelings through your body with words and then putting them down on paper that is quite therapeutic. Keeping a journal becomes tangible evidence of the journey that you are on. Let your journal be a place of honesty and pure expression.
Today
Write your answer to this prompt: “Today, when I think about my loss, I feel . . .”
February 4
There is no doubt that you would much rather have your dear one's physical presence next to you. That is a given. However, imagine how much worse it would be if their love was gone as well. But no . . . their love for you is imprinted upon you. Their love for you continues to motivate, console, and comfort you. Likewise, your love for them is ever vibrant and intense. True love never dies.