Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters. Karen C.L. Anderson

       Foreword

      One of my earliest memories is of fiercely scribbling letters to my mother, which I’d quickly hide behind a small wooden bookcase in my bedroom. There were dozens of them stuffed into the small, narrow crack between the wood and the wall.

      Rather than confessions of devotion and love, my writings were a rant of rage. Tear-stained confessions of wishing I’d never been born. To my strict mother, I’d say nothing directly. Yet behind her back, I’d let it tumble out messy, mad, and manic on the page.

      One day, as she was cleaning my room, she stumbled upon the hidden missives. Unfolding and reading them one by one, I sat frozen in fear on my bed, barely breathing. When she finally looked up, her fiery, accusing eyes shot right through me.

      She beat me with a wooden brush and sent me to bed without supper. I was eight at the time.

      If you’ve picked up this book, it’s most likely because you too have stories to tell. Perhaps you also had a mother who either neglected or engulfed you (or some crazy-making and confusing combination of the two). Maybe she covertly competed with you in ways that set you up to fail. Perhaps you felt undermined, undervalued, or undernourished by the one person in this world who was “supposed” to be your safe place. Perhaps you’ve been continually confused by all of the crazy-making double binds you’ve found yourself in time and time again. Perhaps you were made to feel unworthy, as though nothing you did was ever good enough, though you tried—year after year—to please someone who was, on some level, devoted to never being pleased.

      In response, you may have felt handicapped as an adult woman by a nagging and pervasive sense of inadequacy or by a cavernous lack of confidence. If so, these feelings have likely been at the source of painful life-long patterns, such as giving your power away, self-abandoning, creating co-dependent relationships, isolating yourself, sabotaging your success, and failing to realize authentic happiness in life—and in love.

      If so, then you’ve come to the right place.

      This heartfelt guide, written by the brilliant Karen C.L. Anderson, will lead you step by step through the labyrinth, to the promised land of liberation. She herself has walked this gnarly path and found her way to true freedom. And now, in these pages, she lovingly shines a flashlight to help you follow in her footsteps, so that you, too, might find the same.

      Though nothing that happened to you back then was your fault, it is now your responsibility to evolve. I wish we could just pay someone to do this for us. Yet, no one but you can set yourself free from the many ways you’ve