Weddings from the Heart. Daphne Rose Kingma

      TO REHEARSE OR NOT?

      Should you have a rehearsal? The answer really depends on you (and the advice of your officiant). If your ceremony involves several people, if you have very young attendants, or if you're feeling anxious about the choreography of the wedding or who will be doing what when, you should definitely schedule at least one rehearsal. The rehearsal can be quick and easy, a walk- and talk-through of each part of the wedding, with the bride and groom, all the attendants, the officiant, and the musician(s) all taking their places, practicing their movements, and being apprised of what each participant of the ceremony is supposed to be doing.

      Usually by the time you've run through the ceremony twice—which you can probably do in an hour and a half—everyone will start to feel comfortable. If you go through each step of the ceremony on-site, you will discover whatever details still need to be dealt with: Is the bride clear about when and how she will enter? Who will hold the rings? the bride's bouquet? Who will manage her train, if there is one?

      Everyone with a speaking part in the ceremony should be reminded to speak slowly, clearly, and loudly enough for everyone to hear. If they read too quickly or slowly, the beautiful pieces you've chosen won't have the impact you hoped for. Again, a public practice could be useful.

      The rehearsal is also the time to discuss seating arrangements with the ushers: Will the bride's family be on the left and the groom's on the right? Or will people sit wherever they wish? If the bride's and groom's guests will be divided, assign the ushers to one side or another at this time.

      Most couples think they won't be nervous at the ceremony, but often they're more nervous than they expect, anxious that everything will come off as scheduled. For some people it is the fear of speaking in public; for others it's being the center of attention. Oddly enough, though, it's this touch of tension that gives a wedding its emotional authenticity—the blushing bride and jittery groom reveal to each other and everyone else that this isn't just a performance. It's a heartfelt, life-changing occasion.

      If you are afraid of speaking in public and all you want to do is silently stand there and say, “I do,” you can still create a personalized wedding. Write out the pieces you want the officiant or others to say. And if you do want to say something yourself, I strongly suggest you have notes nearby; notes are a good security net. More than one couple has regretted not having a written reminder of the lines they worked so hard to perfect, and no one expects you to have it all memorized.

      Also, be aware that due to nervousness, your fingers might swell. If you're having a ceremony with rings, you might have trouble placing them on each other's fingers. Being mindful of this will help you stay calm if you do have difficulty. In anticipation, you might just want to agree that instead of trying to put the rings on the appropriate fingers during the ceremony, you'll just slip them onto each other's pinkies until you've walked back down the aisle.

      And if during the actual ceremony, people (including you) stand in the wrong spot, flub their lines, or enter in the wrong order, don't fret. You're there to celebrate your love, and it's the spirit you create through your ceremony that's what matters, not whether the flower girl forgot to throw the rose petals or the best man read the poem too quickly.