Sound Bites. Victor L. Cahn
you believe—”
“—and they invoke a lot of fancy phrases to justify their attitude, but basically it comes down to this: we care about others, and they don’t.”
¶ ¶ ¶
“The annual meeting of the Conservative Colloquium is taking place in Washington this week, but amid closely observed appearances by several celebrated figures known to have their eye on a run for the White House, one second-term Congresswoman stole the show with a rousing speech that left this audience of fervent right-wingers standing, applauding, and cheering.”
“Would you please give a warm welcome to Representative Cassie McClellan!”
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much! It’s wonderful to be here! Please! Thank you! And first I want to say how proud I am to share this platform with so many distinguished national leaders.”
“Yay!”
“Thank you! Thank you so much! Now . . . let me start off this way. Did you happen to hear what Senator Vance Harrington said the other day?”
“Booooooooooo!”
“He’s from my state, you know, although I don’t admit that fact with any pride.”
“Hah-hah!”
“But, remember, he’s up for re-election, so I hope you’ll keep a lookout for some good candidates to run against him, so we can send him home again, this time for good!“
“Run, run!”
“No, no—”
“Cassie, Cassie!”
“Run! Run!”
“You’re too kind! But first let me tell you what he said, so you know what I’m talking about! And I’m quoting now. I want to make sure that I get his words just right. He said that liberals care about people, but conservatives don’t.”
“Booooooooooo!”
“I’m not kidding! That’s what he said! Would I make it up?”
“No!”
“That’s what he thinks is wrong with us. And what do you think of that?”
“Booooooooooo!”
“I agree completely. Well, now it’s my turn. And I’m going to tell you what I know is wrong with liberals like him!”
“Yay!”
“The thing is, where do I start?”
“Hah-hah!”
“Oh, they’re nice enough, I guess. Some of them.”
“Hah-hah!”
“And I hear they’re tons of fun at parties. Give ‘em a few glasses of white wine, and some slices of fancy cheese, and before long they’ll be dancin’ on the tables!”
“Hah-hah!”
“The problem is, they figure everybody else is nice, too.”
“Right!”
“They figure that the hoodlums and thieves who cross our borders illegally to steal our jobs and flood our country with drugs are basically kind-hearted, peace-loving people!”
“Hah-hah!”
“They figure that all the bomb-makers and terrorists who want to blow us up are nice, too.”
“Hah-hah!”
“They figure that all the bigots, hate-mongers, and fanatics who despise our values and our way of life are really . . . when you get right down to it . . . just misunderstood!”
“Hah-hah!”
“In fact, they figure that all we have to do is prance over and extend a friendly hand, and then. . . by golly . . . all of those criminals and terrorists will turn into good neighbors!”
“Hah-hah!”
“No, I’m serious! Liberals really believe that if we smile and tread lightly . . . “
“Hah-hah!”
“. . . then give away all our resources, financial and otherwise . . . if we just welcome everyone here with open arms and an open checkbook, that the whole world will join us for one giant hug and a couple of choruses of “Kumbaya!”
“Hah-hah!”
“Am I right?”
“RIGHT!”
“Sure, I am! Well, folks, you and I know better.”
“Yay!”
“You and I know that we have to remain vigilant against our enemies! We have to seal off those borders! We have to build up our defenses! We can’t kneel down in front of the invaders who want to destroy our way of life!”
“Yay!”
“We have to offer the rest of the world more than a feeble handshake, a weak grip, and a limp wrist!”
“Hah-hah! Yay!”
“You know, it wasn’t very long ago that the United States of America used to be respected. The United States of America used to be . . . yes, I’ll say it! The United States of America used to be feared!”
“Yay!”
“But what’s happened? Would you like to know?”
“Yeah!”
“Do you want to know?”
“Yeah!”
“Good, because I was going to tell you anyway!”
“Hah-hah!”
“We’ve surrendered so many of our core values that other countries laugh at us. They ignore us. They think we’re impotent. They’re convinced that we don’t have the pride or will to stand up for ourselves.”
“Yeah!”
“Oh, I know what the liberals say: everybody still wants to come here. Well, of course they do, but that doesn’t mean we should want them.”
“Yay!”
“The time has come, ladies and gentlemen . . . and I really believe this . . . the time has come to reassert American power: economically . . .”
“Yay!”
“ . . . militarily. . . ”
“Yay!”
“ . . . morally . . .”
“Yay!”
“. . . and perhaps most important . . . (and now I’m going to use a word liberals truly cannot bear to hear) . . . spiritually!”
“Yay! Hah-hah! Yay!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s up to us! It’s up to us to remind the rest of the world of a phrase that lately we haven’t heard often enough: ‘God has truly blessed the United States of America.’”
“Yay!”
“And you know what? It’s true! God has blessed us! We’re not just another country! We are exceptional! We are singular! We are the greatest country with the greatest system of government in the history of the world! And we know it! Now let’s remind the rest of the world! And let’s also make sure that we continue to deserve such blessing!”
“Yay!”
“And where do we start? I’ll tell you, ladies and gentlemen: we start here right here! Right in this room! Tonight!”
“Yay!”
“Are you with me?”
“Yes!”
“I