Sound Bites. Victor L. Cahn
away, but several heated contests are already taking shape. Brock Cassidy, what races are you following closely?”
“Roy, I’m sure we’re all looking at one that’s bound to monopolize a lot of attention—”
“I bet I know—”
“I think we all do—”
“That would be the long-time progressive champion Senator Vance Harrington against newcomer Cassie McClellan.”
“Cassie Mac, right?”
“The amorous assassin.”
“Can’t men talk about anything but looks—”
“Hey, that’s what her own colleagues call her—”
“Flora O’Herlihy, do you really think she has a chance?”
“Unfortunately, a very good chance—”
“Why?”
“Why does she have a chance, or why ‘unfortunately’?”
“Either one.”
“I think she stands a very good chance because American voters tend to buy mindless and simplistic slogans—”
“She’s a very gifted woman—”
“Who talks in moronic sound bites—”
“Nicole DiBoneventura?”
“She’s smart, she’s charismatic—”
“Sounds like you’re working for her—”
“I’m sure she will.”
“The question is, does she have the political skills, the sense of the moment—”
“She has all the right instincts—”
“Could I finish—”
“Let me just say—”
“Wait a minute, wait a minute. Neil wants to get in here.”
“I’d like to point out one thing. Vance Harrington has been in office for twenty-nine years—”
“Are you saying he’s tired?”
“Believe me, he’s not—”
“My point is that he’s been around forever—”
“Only seems that way—”
“The guy’s a yawn—”
“What I’m trying to say is that—”
“Of course he’s tired. While she’s fresh—”
“I also think the voters are ready for a new face—”
“Look, she’s honest, plain-spoken—”
“I was just trying to—”
“She’s also a walking cliché, right out of some nineteenth-century reader—”
“A total reactionary who hates unions, immigrants—”
“She’s traditional—”
“I don’t think women voters will go for her—”
“We don’t vote as a block, you know—”
“Nicole—”
“Women think for themselves—”
“Not if she gets elected—”
“What does that mean?”
“She wants to think for them—”
“Brock?”
“Nonsense. She’s a sharp cookie, a cool customer—”
“Sounds like Brock’s in love.”
“Hey, if we were both single—”
“Hah-hah!”
“Harrington is just too polished—”
“And that’s just what people hate—”
“Watch. Just watch.”
“And we will. So we’re agreed. The key race is Harrington vs. McClellan. And the prize is nothing less than control of the Senate and the future of our country. We’ll be right back.”
¶ ¶ ¶
“Good afternoon, America. This is Joe Lasher, bringing you a few hours of truth, justice, and the American way.
“Well, some good news on the political front. We finally have a real candidate running against that well-known liberal fraud, Vance Harrington.
“You know, Harrington, right? He’s that roly-poly rich kid, whose daddy bought him everything from his first car to his Senate seat.
“He’s that holier-than-thou socialist who throws away your money, that do-gooder who never met a tax hike or a government giveaway he didn’t love.
“He’s that fathead who coddles criminals, who always blames the cops, not the cop-killer.”
“He’s that atheistic hypocrite who couldn’t find the inside of a church with a compass and a flashlight.”
“He’s that hippie-dippie, free-sex relic who probably wore sandals and love beads, frolicked in the mud, sucked his bong, passed the marijuana, and mumbled “Oh, wow” seven hundred times a day.
“Well, he may have finally met his match.
“I’m talking about Representative Cassie McClellan, known to many of us as ‘Cassie Mac.’ And here’s a woman I really like.
“Do you want to know why? Let me give you some reasons.
“One, she shoots from the hip. Calls a spade a spade. If you know what I mean.
“Two, she’s a Christian. An honest-to-goodness, God-loving Christian. And not only does she not hide her faith. She actually celebrates it! And how many people like that do you find in politics today?
“Three, she’s a family woman. She has a loyal husband and two great kids, and they’re with her every step of the way.”
“Four, she’s careful with her own money, and she’ll be careful with ours.
“Five, she doesn’t swallow progressive pabulum. She’ll stand up to the unions and all the other left-wing factions that have poisoned the American spirit.
“Six, she puts the future of this country, our economic and military might, above all else. She’s not afraid to stand up for American values, to state what you and I know in our hearts: that American is the greatest country in the world, no matter what Harrington and his socialist sidekicks would have us believe.
“Now I’ll tell you one more thing, although you probably know it anyway. During the upcoming campaign, she’s not going to have an easy time. There’s no way she’ll get a fair shake from the lamestream liberal media. They’ll slam her with everything they have. So get ready for the torrent of lies, the onslaught of false stories, and the flood of vicious rumors put out by Harrington’s cronies, and published in newspapers and publicized on television.
“You’ve seen it before. Well, you’re going to see it again.
“But don’t worry. We’re going to fight back on her behalf. So when they declare war on Cassie Mac with fabrications and falsehoods, we’ll defend her with the truth. We’ll block her enemies at every turn.
“What am I saying? I’m saying that we’ll do anything we can, anything we have to do, to ensure her victory.
“And why? For one reason: because America deserves Cassie Mac.”
¶ ¶ ¶