The Communication Playbook. Teri Kwal Gamble
2. In the book Slam Dunks and No-Brainers: Language in Your Life, The Media, Business, Politics and Like . . . Whatever, media critic Leslie Savan laments the growing use of pop language. Words and phrases such as “Don’t go there,” “Get over it,” “You’ve got that right,” “duh,” and “bling” constitute a new subdivision of English, projecting an attitude and a vocabulary derived from what we hear over and over in television programs and advertising. Because of the repetition, these terms click into place without their users needing to think, effectively turning those of us who use them into corporate pawns.
Do you think Savan is right? Is pop language use displacing more complex thinking? Keep count of the number of pop phrases that you and others use during a typical day. What words could have been spoken in their place that might have been more expressive of personal thoughts? Who uses pop language more, men or women?
Gender and Speech Style
Sometimes the sex of communicators affects not only the meaning we give to their utterances, but also the very structure of those utterances. Women, for example, tend to use more tentative phrases or qualifiers, in their speech than men do. Phrases like “I guess,” “I think,” and “I wonder if,” abound in the speech of women but not in that of men.
This pattern of speaking also is passed on to the very young through their favorite cartoon characters. Past studies revealed that female cartoon characters, more than male characters, used verbs indicating a lack of certainty, such as “I suppose,” and words judged to be polite.51 When students were shown cartoon characters and asked to identify a character’s sex based on the words the character spoke, students assigned the logical, concise, and controlling captions to male characters and the emotional, vague, and verbose captions to female characters.52 Do cartoon characters continue to perpetuate such stereotypes? Have recent films with strong female characters started to break down this stereotype?
Conversational Strategies
Men and women rely on different conversational strategies. Women, for example, tend to turn statements into questions more than men do, saying something like, “Don’t you think it would be better to send them that report first?” Men typically respond with a more definitive, “Yes, it would be better to send them that report first.” According to Robin Lakoff, a researcher on language and gender, women do not “lay claim to” their statements as frequently as men do.
In addition, women use more tag questions than men do. A tag is midway between an outright statement and a yes–no question. For instance, women often pose questions such as “Joan is here, isn’t she?” or “It’s hot in here, isn’t it?” By seeking verbal confirmation for their perceptions, women acquire a reputation for tentativeness.
Similarly, women use more disclaimers than men do, prefacing their remarks with statements such as “This probably isn’t important, but . . .” While male speech tends to be dominant, straightforward, and attention commanding, female speech tends to be gentle, friendly, and accommodating.53 Such practices weaken the messages women send to others.
According to communications researcher Patricia Hayes Bradley, even if men use tag questions, the perceptual damage done to them by this weaker verbal form is not as great as the damage done to women. Bradley found that when women used tag questions and disclaimers or failed to support their arguments, they were judged to be less intelligent and knowledgeable—but men were not. Simply talking “like a woman” causes a woman to be judged negatively.54 Researchers Nancy Henley and Cheris Kramarae believe that women face a disadvantage when interacting with men: “Females are required to develop special sensitivity to interpret males’ silence, lack of emotional expression, or brutality, and to help men express themselves. Yet it is women’s communication style that is often labeled as inadequate and maladaptive.”55 How can this be changed?
Gender-Lects
Gender affects how men and women use and process language in a number of other ways, too. According to linguist Deborah Tannen, men and women speak different gender-lects. Tannen finds that women speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy, whereas men speak and hear a language of status and independence.56
As a result, when conversing with men, women tend to listen attentively rather than interrupt or challenge what a man is saying. Why? Tannen holds that it is because challenging the man could damage the established connection that most women believe must be preserved at all costs.
In addition, men and women tend to speak about different topics. Monica Hiller and Fern Johnson conducted a topic analysis of conversations held in two coffee shops, one frequented by young adults and the other by middle-aged and older customers. Their research revealed that, whereas both men and women talked about work and social issues, women talked about personal issues and the older men virtually never discussed personal issues.57 Although men and women frequently talk to each other, their cross-gender talk differs topically from man-to-man or woman-to-woman talk. Women talk to other women about their doubts and fears, personal and family problems, and intimate relationships, whereas, in general, men talk more about work and sports.
Words and Power
Although we may not realize it, some of us announce our powerlessness through our word choices. If we speak more indirectly than is expected, people could perceive that we lack self-confidence and power. In contrast, those of us perceived to be “powertalkers” make more definite statements, such as “Let’s go out to dinner tonight.” Powertalkers direct the action. They assume control.
Typically, powertalkers hesitate less in their speech, enhancing their sense of self-worth by projecting their opinions with more confidence. They eliminate fillers, such as “er,” “um,” “you know,” “like,” and “well,” which serve as verbal hiccups, making the speaker appear weak.
Powerful talk comes directly to the point. It does not contain disclaimers (“I probably shouldn’t mention this, but . . .”) or tag questions (like those described in the section “Gender and Speech Style”). When you speak powertalk, your credibility and ability to influence others usually increase. Changing the power balance may be as simple as changing the words you use.
Talking powerfully is also less risky. According to Deborah Tannen, speaking indirectly in some situations actually causes problems. She cites the following conversation about de-icing between a pilot and co-pilot as an example of its dangers:
Co-pilot: Look how the ice is just hanging on his, ah, back, back there, see that? . . .
Co-pilot: See all those icicles on the back there and everything?
Pilot: Yeah . . .
Co-pilot: Boy, this is a, this is a losing battle here on trying to de-ice those things . . .
Co-pilot: Let’s check these tops again since we’ve been here a while.
Captain: I think we get to go here in a minute.58
Less than a minute later, the plane crashed. While the co-pilot, probably because of his lower status, had tried to warn the pilot indirectly, the pilot failed to act on the cues. Indirectness, it seems is easier for higher-status persons to ignore. As a result, flight crews are trained to express themselves in more direct ways, and pilots are taught to pick up on indirect hints.
Language influences power in another way as well. According to Cheris Kramarae, because language is invented, it does not offer an adequate vocabulary to describe the unique experiences of all members of all groups. In other words, language does not serve all speakers equally well, usually meeting the needs of the powerful and wealthy more than the needs of women or members of less powerful groups, such as the poor, persons of color, or the physically challenged.59 Kramarae contends that because men created words and established norms