The Communication Playbook. Teri Kwal Gamble
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A few years back, a YouTube video titled “I Forgot My Phone” went viral. By now, the video has been viewed more than 50 million times. At the video’s start, we see a couple in bed. The woman stares into space while her boyfriend focuses on his smartphone. The scenes that follow show the woman in the midst of a series of dystopian situations. Her friends ignore her and stare at their phones during lunch. Concertgoers are too busy recording the performance to enjoy it. The guest of honor at a birthday party takes selfies while his friends sing. The last scene finds the couple back in bed. Her boyfriend is still phone obsessed.
Are we addicted to smartphones and social media? According to research, we well might be captives of our devices. Many of us use our phones more than we even imagine we do. In fact, when asked to estimate their smartphone usage, participants estimated an average of 37 uses daily. The actual number was about 85 times daily, or once every 11 minutes of your typical waking day. The duration of use was 5.05 hours, including phone calls and listening to music.4
Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are hypnotically compelling for many of us, in part because they deliver unscheduled “variable rewards”—much like slot machines do. Messages, alerts, notifications, photos, and “likes” are sent to us randomly, making it virtually impossible for us not to react to them. They induce large numbers of us to become compulsive site checkers looking for a dopamine boost—almost as if we were seeking a fix.
The Upshot
What is the future of person-to-person conversation as texting replaces talking? We have to be able to connect both remotely and in-person, in a social or professional network, or in a social or professional circle. Whenever and wherever we connect, the goal is to make communication work—and that is the primary goal of this book.
Human and Social Capital
What will it take to make communication work for you?
Neither job-specific talent, nor technical expertise, nor graduating from college alone will guarantee you upward mobility or the attainment of goals. In fact, many of us get our jobs because of our social capital, rather than our human capital—the people we know, not what we know.5 This might be because, although our communities and workplaces are prime environments for connecting with others, the Internet makes it relatively easy today to find out anything we don’t know.
The Communication–Success Connection
What differentiates people who ascend both personal and professional ladders of success from those who do not? The answer is superior communication skills.
Among the top 10 skills employers seek when hiring college graduates is the ability to communicate with others both inside and outside of the organization.6 Although not guaranteed, people with good communication skills are more likely to be promoted rapidly, be happy in relationships, and believe their lives are rich and fulfilling. Whatever your age, sex, marital status, or employment history, it is never too late to learn skills that will enrich and improve your career and life.
We are not born knowing how to make communication work. We learn and develop communication skills. If you want to improve your ability to relate to people in your social life, job, or academic life, now is the time to start making communication work better for you!
What is Communication?
We are all communicators. We engage in intrapersonal (with ourselves), dyadic (one-to-one), small-group (one to a few), public (one to many), and mass communication (communicating messages that are shared across great distances with potentially large audiences through a technological device or mass medium). We also engage in computer-assisted or online communication.
Defining Communication
Every time we knowingly or unknowingly send a verbal or nonverbal message to anyone, communication takes place. We define communication as the deliberate or accidental transfer of meaning. It is the process that occurs whenever someone observes or experiences behavior and attributes meaning to that behavior. As long as what someone does or says is interpreted as a message—as long as the behavior of one person affects or influences that behavior of another—communication is occurring. Communication is our link to the rest of humanity and serves a number of purposes.
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Which of the following quotations, if any, do you find most applicable to your own communication experiences?
Talk and change the world. (Slogan of a group of U.S. senators who happened to be female)
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill. (Buddha)
We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve. (Bill Gates)
The best way to solve problems and fight against war is through dialogue. (Malala Yousafzai)
Two monologues do not make a dialogue. (Jeff Daly)
What would you say?
Types of Communication
Because our focus is communication, we need to distinguish among the types of communication we use.
During intrapersonal communication, we think about, talk with, learn about, reason with, and evaluate ourselves. We listen and interact with the voice in our head.
When we engage in interpersonal (or dyadic) communication, we interact with another, learn about him or her, and act in ways that help sustain or terminate our relationship.
When we participate in group communication, we interact with a limited number of others, work to share information, develop ideas, make decisions, solve problems, offer support, or have fun. Every person in a group can actively participate with others in the group.
Organizational communication is conducted with larger, more stable collections of people who work together to achieve the organization’s goals. Organizations include corporations, nonprofits, entertainment, sports, health operations, and political, religious, and charitable groups.
Through public communication, we inform others. We also persuade the members of various audiences to hold certain attitudes, values, or beliefs so that they will think, believe, or act in a particular way. We also function as members of different audiences, in which case another person will do the same for us.
During mass communication, the media entertain, inform, and persuade us. Messages are sent to large dispersed audiences using electronic and print media. We, in turn, have the ability to use our viewing and buying habits to influence the media.
When engaged with digital and social media, we navigate cyberspace as we converse, research, exchange ideas, and build relationships with others using computers and the Internet. Social media are more personal than the mass media. The size of the intended audience in social media varies, and the communication itself can be more interactive.
Skill Builder
Communication Self-Assessment and Future Me
Identify five individuals with whom you shared a sustained conversation during the past 7 days. For each person you name, indicate the nature of your relationship (e.g., was the person your instructor, parent, boss, friend, or significant other?), the context in which the interaction occurred (was it a classroom,