Out Front. Deborah Shames
the door for other professionals to share their stories.
That day I realized my gift is to facilitate. Taking on that role quieted the critic in my head and, for the first time, I felt that I was making a real contribution to my audience. Unexpectedly, I also got the group’s highest evaluation for a speaker, which made me laugh because they did most of the talking. The best advice I can give you is to find what you do best and then translate that talent into how you craft a presentation.
Myth #8: Audiences Will Judge Me Harshly
The only way to be seen as the go-to person in your field is to speak publicly. I can’t tell you how many times someone has pulled me aside and bemoaned the fact that So-and-so has advanced beyond her, even though that person is much less talented or qualified. Well, So-and-so took advantage of every opportunity to speak at conferences, be on panels, and network in the community. That’s how she moved up in the company or industry.
But that’s not the real issue. Many women won’t speak in public because they believe the audience is expecting them to do poorly or even fail. I’ve learned over the years that you never know what the audience is really thinking. If people are on their phones, they could be checking their email—but they might also be taking notes or texting great reviews of your talk to colleagues. If you see someone with a negative expression on his face, he could be hungry, tired, or processing what you’ve said. Or maybe he had a fight with his boss before coming to your talk.
Deena, an authority on software who worked for the industry’s largest player, experienced severe stage fright. She was giving a presentation on a large stage when she looked out and thought she saw several people judging her with negative, condescending expressions.
Traumatized, she froze and couldn’t continue. She left the stage and considered herself a failure. She retired from the industry and went back to school to become a therapist who specialized in career counseling.
Deena’s story is unfortunate because no one should have to be in front of an audience without a safety net. It’s the equivalent of the actor’s nightmare about going onstage naked. All eyes are on you, and it’s humiliating. And when you feel the piercing gaze of hundreds of eyes, it can throw you off your game or, at the very least, make it impossible to think on your feet or deliver your best material.
Try these techniques if you lose your place when speaking publicly.
First, recap your presentation—even if you’re only minutes in. The audience will think you’re being considerate, and won’t know you’re allowing your brain to catch up. Just don’t reveal what you’re doing by saying, “To recap . . .”
You can also do what we call the meaningful glance. Whenever you lose your place, pause. Take a few steps in any direction while looking thoughtful and away from the audience. This technique buys you precious time to remember where you were or, when necessary, regain your composure. It can also make you seem brave. After all, how many speakers trust silence in front of an audience for a full three to five seconds?
Another performance technique when you start feeling insecure is to make your presentation critical to you. Amateur actors and speakers vainly attempt to make their material more important to the audience, but that’s not nearly as effective as upping the ante for yourself. My partner, David, once shared a technique he learned during his time as a professional actor. When an actor wants to make the chemistry believable in a love scene onstage, the obvious technique would be to exhibit desire as he pursues his partner. But, if he says to himself, “I’ll die if I don’t get her love,” then the entire dynamic changes.
Like Deena, it can be paralyzing for any speaker to look out at an audience and believe she has lost their attention. If, at the same time, her internal critic is yapping away and wreaking havoc, she’ll assuredly crash and burn. There’s no way to be in the moment—either in a theatrical scene or with an audience—while entertaining negative thoughts.
But you can reduce or eradicate the judgment you believe is being directed your way. First, find the friendly faces in the audience. (Readers, when you’re in the audience, be one of those friendly faces that a speaker sees.) Rather than trying to make direct eye contact, look at someone’s forehead. No one can tell the difference, and you’ll be less likely to interpret someone’s expression as negative.
If you sense a better way to persuade or move your audience, change your content or delivery on the fly. You can think on your feet, especially if you’ve shut off that critical voice questioning your ability.
My favorite technique is to be competitive. Put your full attention on turning around the naysayers by committing to your material. Tune out any negative energy you feel. Show the courage of your convictions. Project confidence and know that you can’t please everyone.
Myth #9: Public Speaking Isn’t Necessary to Be Successful
Every professional needs strong speaking skills. Executives at almost every level at Mattel, our client for many years, give dozens of presentations annually. They pitch to partners including Disney and DreamWorks, to buyers from stores like Walmart, Target, and Toys“R”Us, and to their own teams and upper-level management.
It’s no different in the retirement industry for Tuyen. She travels all over the country delivering presentations to her strategic partners, who include investment advisors, retirement specialists, and certified public accountants. Since her company frequently foots the bill for transportation, hotels, and meals, her supervisors need to see a return on their investment. There is no free lunch for this executive.
Even attorneys, who used to sit back and service clients who came to them, now need to pitch for new business. No transaction is a given, and each and every pitch requires a well-crafted presentation. Although every professional needs strong speaking skills, consider the legal industry, where women now constitute 47 percent of law school graduates.55 That’s the good news. Gender equality stops there. As of July 2014, male attorneys make up 66 percent of attorneys nationwide, while only 17 percent of equity partners in law firms are women, and the women who do make partner earn substantially less than their male counterparts.56
Is it any wonder that female attorneys are leaving the legal profession later on in life?57 But what if a female attorney is committed to succeeding regardless of external pressures, failing to make partner, or the many other hurdles she has to jump over?
Meredith clerked for a judge during law school and then interned at a prestigious firm, which hired her when she passed the bar. She works an average of sixty to seventy hours a week and forgoes a personal life (including taking vacations and having children) because she’s focused on her dream of becoming partner.
After eight years at the firm, Meredith believes she’s ready. But to attain partner status, Meredith needs to do more than work hard and win cases. She must be a superstar who also sits on charitable boards and networks to form strategic alliances. Most important, she must also be a successful rainmaker who constantly brings in new business.
All of these activities require Meredith, who’s inherently shy, to develop strong communication skills and give presentations that establish her as a go-to person in her practice area.
It’s not just attorneys who feel the pressure to work 24/7. Everyone is feeling the time crunch. When the recession hit in 2008, companies stopped hiring, leaving the remaining staff overloaded and overworked.58 Nearly all of our clients—whether they’re associates, managers, human resources directors, or vice presidents—express frustration about what they have to do because their company is understaffed and they lack the time to accomplish their duties. Not surprisingly, giving presentations tops the list of stressful job-related tasks.
When any professional tells me she doesn’t know how she’ll find the time to give presentations, but appreciates that she needs to, I believe her. If you want to differentiate yourself and advance in your field, you must give talks on your area of expertise.