Out Front. Deborah Shames

      A few years ago, I was asked to address the Ventura, California, chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners about finding your authentic voice. The event was held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, and was the first time I’d be delivering a keynote without my partner, David. I was comfortable with our tag-team routine, but going solo was new territory. Even though I was familiar with performance techniques to reduce anxiety, I worried that a quavering voice might plague me.

      For my opening, I decided to tell the story of the first time I went skydiving. The rationale was that if my voice shook or my throat went dry, I could easily fold those symptoms into what it felt like before a jump. Every speaker needs a safety net.

      While still in my seat, I mentally took myself back to the experience so that I could convey the immediacy of the jump. Even though it was many years ago, I felt the knot in my gut, heard the sound of the howling wind in the open cockpit, and saw the brightly colored parachutes of those who jumped before me. I knew that recalling these sense memories would give my opening story an added richness.

      Just as I took the stage, lunch was served.

      Without the expected wind-up of “Thank you for having me” or “Let me tell you a story,” I started with:

       “The noise was deafening. The wind howled. Being the smallest, I was last in line. I scooted on my butt toward the giant gaping plane door . . .”

      All the clanging of silverware abruptly stopped. I had the audience’s attention. They were surprised at how I started, and curious about what I would say next.

      I felt an immediate confidence boost, and the synapses in my brain fired. Rather than getting every word right, I made the audience picture what it was like jumping out of a plane. Once they could imagine it, I made the link with how skydiving is similar to overcoming a fear of public speaking and finding your authentic voice.

      This speech was a turning point for me. During the rest of my presentation, I was excited, not anxious. Rather than striving to be perfect, I redirected my attention to the audience to connect and convince them that they, too, could experience what I had. Of all the comments I received after the forty-five-minute talk, the majority were about skydiving and how the women couldn’t imagine making the jump—but they could imagine public speaking because at least it wouldn’t kill them! Even though it was my story, it touched a nerve with the audience.

       Myth #4: It’s Not Ladylike to Rock the Boat

      Don’t let fear prevent you from challenging the norm or consensus.

      Years ago, a few television series experimented with alternatives to self-contained programs that wrapped up each episode’s narrative arc at the end of thirty or sixty minutes. Back in 1981 the series Hill Street Blues pioneered the concept of character-driven dramatic television. Over multiple episodes, the show’s creators broke the mold by fracturing linear story lines, exploring the flawed characters’ lives, and depicting a gritty urban environment. The series won twenty-six Emmy Awards.

      The writer David Milch, who also co-created NYPD Blue, told the New York Times, “There’s a saying in all writers’ rooms—it’s either fear or faith. You’re either trying to satisfy your guess about other people’s expectations, or you’re working through the genuine and authentic possibilities of the material.”³⁸

      By choosing the latter, Milch, his partner Steven Bochco, and others exhibited chutzpah with their willingness to risk millions of dollars and their careers. Standard operating theory in the entertainment industry is to create material with an eye on audience expectations, and typically repeat what has worked in the past. Today, whether it’s Penny Dreadful, Billions, or my favorite series, Ray Donovan, many shows now continue storylines and character arcs over multiple episodes. And they use teaser clips to entice audiences to watch next time.

      Unfortunately, in the entertainment industry, there are still few opportunities for women to direct television or films. As of 2015 only 18 percent of first-time episodic television directors were female.³⁹ Recently, the Directors Guild Association reported that only 6.4 percent of the 347 feature films released in 2013 and 2014 were directed by women, and just 3 percent of the 212 films with U.S. domestic box-office grosses greater than $10 million were helmed by women.⁴⁰ There are even fewer examples of women directing action films, since that’s typically considered a man’s territory.

      But a handful of female directors have broken the mold. I cheered when Kathryn Bigelow won an Academy Award for Best Director in 2010 for The Hurt Locker.⁴¹ Bigelow was the first female director in history to win this award. I applauded the decision to have Kimberly Peirce direct the remake of the cult favorite Carrie in 2013 with a $30 million budget.⁴² And although the Academy of Motion Pictures didn’t nominate Ava DuVernay for her direction of Selma, the movie about the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I appreciated the bold move of giving the storytelling responsibility of this film to a relative newcomer.⁴³

      Most people don’t know that DuVernay was rejected seven times by the Sundance Institute before she broke through and won the festival’s directing award with Middle of Nowhere. I appreciated her frankness when, giving a talk on women in Hollywood, she said, “So often in this industry we wait for permission. We wait for someone to tell us it’s OK to do something. Sometimes you have to create your own systems, your own structure.”⁴⁴ DuVernay did just that when she founded the African-American Film Festival Releasing Movement in 2011 to distribute black independent films. She didn’t wait for anyone to hand her anything.

      In business, male executives are expected to make changes. I’ve coached many male CEOs and managing partners who are exhilarated when given the chance to put their own stamp on a project. They’re competitive and want to be acknowledged for their bold moves. They know that what’s risky and trend-setting today may be tame and the new norm in just a few years.

      Does the same standard apply to female executives? Ursula Burns, CEO of Xerox and the first African-American woman to run a Fortune 500 company, has an unaffected, no-nonsense presentation style. Her message on telling it like it is can be a beacon for women: “I realized I was more convincing to myself and to the people who were listening when I actually said what I thought, versus what I thought people wanted to hear me say.”⁴⁵

      Burns also uses wit and self-effacing humor to play down her accomplishments. “One of the things that I was told early on is that you should never let them see you sweat. I remember hearing that and saying: ‘Oh my God! I think that they have to see you sweat.’”⁴⁶

      Lori Garver, former deputy administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), is another woman who has the courage to make tough and often unpopular changes. Garver shared her perspective in Stop Playing Safe: Rethink Risk. Unlock the Power of Courage. Achieve Outstanding Success, by Margie Warrell: “People have grown to understand that they know exactly where they stand with me.”⁴⁷ She didn’t say that her colleagues always liked where she stood on issues, but at least there was no confusion.

       Myth #5: Women Are More Effective Behind the Scenes

      When David and I conduct interactive public workshops or trainings within companies, 90 percent of the time the men volunteer first. Women will participate eventually, but only after reading the room. I’ve even had to “voluntell” some women to be out front. If I had to guess the reason for this reluctance, I’d say it’s that women tend to avoid being impetuous. Women don’t want to put themselves out there and do it wrong. They’ve internalized the expectation that if they can’t be perfect, then they