Out Front. Deborah Shames
beautifully combines art and science.28
According to a 2012 study conducted by the Los Angeles Times, women make up only 18 percent of producers in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.29 Young women take their cues from movies on career choices, fashion, role models, and what’s cool. Did you ever wonder why there are so few multidimensional female characters and heroines in movies? The answer lies in the paucity of women producers, directors, and writers. When women’s voices are limited, the trickle-down effect can affect generations.
When women’s voices are limited, the trickle-down effect can affect generations.
There’s still a shortage of women running large corporations. As of December 31, 2015, there were only twenty-two female CEOs leading Fortune 500 companies, including Mary Barra (General Motors), Marillyn Hewson (Lockheed Martin), Indra Nooyi (PepsiCo), and Ginni Rometty (IBM).30 Looking downstream at those who will follow, Sandberg was optimistic: “As more women enter the upper echelons of organizations, people become more accustomed to women contributing and leading.”31
One unexpected arena where women are changing the norm is the world of video games. In January 2016, women outnumbered men in the University of Southern California’s graduate video-game design program—rated number one in the United States. Tracy Fullerton, a game designer and director of the Joint USC Games Program, who oversees this curriculum, said, “Young women need characters to have as role models . . . It’s important. The more that games become a key medium, the more important it becomes for this to happen.”32
As we continue to claim our rightful place in the world and enlist followers through our impassioned words, I’m hopeful that Sandberg’s prediction becomes reality. In my twenties and thirties, I chose a career in film directing because I believed it was the best way to deliver positive stories to as many people as possible. Now my mission is to inspire young women, just as brave women inspired me.
2 EXORCISE THE DEMONS:DISPELLING MYTHS ABOUTPUBLIC SPEAKING
Negative stories we’ve told ourselves and repeated over time are the primaryobstacles to reaching our full potential. When we clear the path, we canexpress ourselves without barriers.
In my days as a film and television director, I knew the moment an actor walked onto the set if she was going to have a bad day—and potentially make everyone else miserable. Her “tells” were a particular look in her eyes, the way she carried herself, and the way she connected with or retreated from others.
After coaching hundreds of executives, I can now predict how female speakers will perform in front of an audience. And it’s not what women say that gives them away. It’s what I observe as they walk from their seats to the front of the room. The strong speakers look determined; they exude purpose. There’s energy in their stride. They smile, and appear to have a genuine desire to connect with the audience. The opposite is also true. When a woman lacks confidence, it’s as if aliens have taken over her body. There’s no fire in her eyes. She walks slowly. Nine times out of ten, she’ll grip her notes while speaking as if her life depended on them. When I see a speaker who is prepared and capable, but clearly uncomfortable, it drives me crazy because I know it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ve been a communication and presentation trainer for more than fifteen years. My clients are executives—from those entering the job market to seasoned professionals breaking into the C-suite (senior managers who have “chief” in the title, including chief executive officer, chief financial officer, or chief operations officer).
Although a handful of women seek coaching to go on the speaker circuit, most want to improve their communication or presentation skills to generate more business, be seen as leaders in their industry, or raise awareness for their favorite organization.
Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to train and observe women who were wonderful, dynamic presenters. Not all speaker fears and anxieties are evenly distributed. However, there are mannerisms and behaviors that are exhibited by an inordinately large percentage of women speakers. And anyone who wants to reach the pinnacle of his or her career needs to identify, examine, and deal with these issues.
When a woman lacks confidence, it’s as if aliens have taken over her body.
HOW DOES THE AUDIENCE PERCEIVE YOU?
Although many women are extremely competent and experienced professionals, too often their speaking persona telegraphs exactly the opposite—someone insecure in her knowledge, perspective, or physical presence.
For example, when asked to address a group of strangers or colleagues, do you suit up and become more formal? Does your voice tend to flatten out, displaying less animation and emotion than in normal conversation? Do you bury any indication of your unique personality or expressiveness under what I call the mantle of authority? Attempting to become what you think a professional looks and sounds like is the surest way to ramp up anxiety. It can also distance you from the audience, because you’ll be perceived as less than genuine.
Attempting to become what you think a professional looks and sounds like is the surest way to ramp up anxiety.
When standing, do you resist moving in a space, preferring to position yourself behind the lectern or perhaps even clutching it? If you do move, do you find yourself rocking back and forth, crossing your arms or legs, and sticking your hands in your pockets? All of these nonverbal messages telegraph your discomfort and reluctance to have the focus on you.
When delivering a presentation, do you overprepare, spending an excessive amount of time and energy on getting the subject matter just right and agonizing over the outcome? Not wanting to make a mistake, do you default to reading or memorizing your content instead of working off an outline? Does getting every word or phrase right have a higher priority than connecting with the audience?
I observed an insurance executive with a death grip on her prepared text as she read every word. When I took the paper out of her hands, she was forced to connect with the audience because she didn’t have a script as a crutch.
Now, if you thought this executive was addressing a packed auditorium or conference, you’d be mistaken. She was presenting an overview of her services at a workshop of only eight colleagues—but still thought she needed her security blanket to come across as a seasoned professional.
Although young women today can feel more equality and respect than baby boomers, this feeling often changes after they’ve had a child and are returning to the workforce. Then, like their older counterparts, they feel great pressure to achieve, stay current with their skills, and be the good girl who never makes mistakes. They’ve accepted that to be successful, they need to work harder and exhibit more professionalism than their male counterparts. The pressure they put on themselves can be paralyzing, but many women don’t believe they have options.
Striving to be perfect, women study and earn grades that reflect our hard work. We imitate male colleagues and do our best to blend in. An executive from a major toy company asked me how to succeed with her all-male team. The issue was that these men regularly went out after hours for tequila shots. The female executive didn’t like tequila or heavy drinking, but still wanted to be accepted. I suggested that she be self-effacing, mock her white-wine spritzers, and then offer