The Dead Fathers Club. Matt Haig
I thought of Mum and that was more important. I got to the red mini bus and put the key in the lock and my hands were shaking not just because of the COLD and Dads Ghost was right it was the right key.
I looked up at the sky I dont know why and the clouds were like black smoke but there was a gap and there were some stars like ghosts flying away from Earth and I climbed into the mini bus and the door was heavy and Dads Ghost was already there.
The seat was high and I stretched my legs like I was elastic and my feet could only just reach the pedals. Dads Ghost pointed and he said Thats the clutch and thats the brake and thats the accelerator just like in the Ka.
Then he told me about the gearstick and told me how to use it and that was like the Ka too but VERY HEAVY.
And I said Should I put on the lights?
He said Not until you are on the road away from the buildings.
And I put my seat belt on click but Dads Ghost didnt need one and I wondered if Dads Ghost was having bad memories of the bridge in Kelham but if he was he wasnt saying. I turned the key and the engine started and warm air came in and I started to follow what Dads Ghost said and move the mini bus and steer which was very hard and I couldnt move it much because I am not Dominic and cant even do one press up.
It was like the Chariot Racing in the Circus Maximus when the Roman Slaves died because they couldnt control the four horses.
And when I turned Dads Ghost was shouting saying RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT because the wheels were going on the grass of the car park and nearly down a ditch. And he tried to grab the wheel and forgot he was a ghost and his hand fell through it but I made myself think of Spiderman and I made myself stronger and the mini bus stayed in the car park and then we went out on the road which was like a snake very thin and bendy.
There was a lot of noise and Dads Ghost said Were going too fast for first gear.
It felt like I had gone miles but the hostel was still there right behind us and then we heard a noise like the engine getting louder. That is when Dads Ghost said Oh God.
I said What?
He said Theyre following.
I looked in the mirror and it was the lights from the white mini bus growing very fast behind us and the lights were bright and had rays like Dads Ghost when he flies.
Dads Ghost said Put your foot down quick.
And I put my foot down and the thing like a second hand went up through the numbers 15 20 25 30 and the hedge on the side of the road was blurry but the lights behind were really close now and they were starting to overtake. And when their mini bus was level with ours I could see Mr Rosen and Mrs Fell screaming through the windows and Mr Rosen was driving and Mrs Fell was waving her arms and in her pyjamas and I couldnt hear them but I knew they wanted me to stop and Mrs Fell looked frightened.
And I was looking at their faces and Dads Ghost was saying FASTER and that was when the mini bus went too far left and we were on the side grass but I couldnt get off and everything went shaky and I was bouncing in my seat and Dads Ghost said BRAKE but my foot was bouncing too much. And then we were bucked like the ground was a horse and we tipped but not right over because of the hedge and it scraped the side and then stopped the mini bus with a bump and my head went forward and hurt my neck. I looked to my left and Dads Ghost had gone and I could hear the door open and Mr Rosen going Philip Philip can you hear me?
I could hear him so I turned and saw Mr Rosen opening the door. He climbed in and got me out of the seat belt and said Can you stand up?
I said Yes I think so yes.
I saw Mrs Fell and she was standing on the road in the dark in her pyjamas and over in the fields behind her there were ghosts of Roman soldiers pulling wooden carts full of stones and another ghost with his hands on his hips and his uniform glowing red and gold in the night and a face sad cross like Mr Rosen and a beard and maybe it was Emperor Hadrian and my heart was going like mad beatbeatbeat beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat
Dad dy
Dad is a weird word if you say it over and over DadaDadaDadaDadaDadaDadada it sounds like guns. Mum is weird too. MumuMumuMumuMumu. It looks like moomoomoo like a cow in a baby book. Father is weird Fat her and Mother MOT her and Daddy or Daddie or Dad die
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
ing
If you spell Newark new ark which means new work in a different order you get wanker or town you get nowt which means nothing.
Mrs Palefort
Nothing had happened to Mum or the Castle. Dads Ghost had been lying to me and now I was in Big Trouble. I had broken a mini bus and got Mr Rosen and Mrs Fell in Mrs Paleforts bad books.
Mrs Palefort is the Head Teacher and she wanted to see me and Mum when I got back from Hadrians Wall so we went to her office which is on the left when you go into school before you see the corridor which goes past the library and into the main hall where there are assemblies on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays.
Mum knocked on the door knock knock and I saw her rings werent on her hand. We waited and Mum looked at me and she had her black Trouser Suit on and her hair back and she closed her eyes and let air out of her nose and behind us there were giggles and stares and cough words burning and burning into me.
We waited and waited behind the brown DOOR and smelt the sick smell of the clean shiny FLOOR mixing with Mums perfume and then a voice all fuzzy from nowhere said Come in.
Mum nodded for me to open the door so I did and the room peeled open until I could see Mrs Palefort sitting with her worst face EVER with her hands joined togETHER making a church and a steeple but a fallen over church lying sideways on the desk.
Mrs Palefort has dark brown and light white hair in a bun and a big forehead and big square glasses that melt the top half of her face but the bottom half stayed still like it was frozen.
There were two empty seats on the other side of the room and Mrs Palefort nodded her head one millimetre and this meant sit down in them.
Mrs Palefort said Now Im sure I dont have to explain why Ive asked you both to come and see me.
Mum said in her trying to be posh voice No you dont.
And then both Mum and Mrs Palefort looked at me until their eyes had enough power to shake my head. When Mrs Paleforts eyes got what they wanted they turned to Mum and said Do you know how many children in this town are now travelling to state schools outside of Newark?
Mum said No I dont.
1000 was the answer and then Mrs Palefort said Can you imagine what kind of damage an incident like this does to our reputation? Weve got half our catchment area already travelling into Lincolnshire. The best half to be perfectly honest. And we hardly need Year Sevens stealing mini buses on school trips a month before we have an OFSTED inspection. You do understand?
Mum said Yes I do.
Mrs Palefort made a noise then locked her words up in her mouth and went into a long silence like this
and then she came out of the silence and said Under normal circumstances we would have no choice but to take Philip out of school either temporarily or permanently.
When she said this Mum started to say something but Mrs Palefort raised her chin like it was climbing over Mums words and said Mrs Noble I understand that these are not normal circumstances and that Philip is still in a state of bereavement for the loss of his father. I also understand that Philip may have been sleep walking or at least not truly aware of what he was