Where Is Wonderland Anyway. Karen Mueller Bryson
call for it. I knew what she was up to, trying to get Lewis’s attention with her womanly ways.
“It sure does seem mighty cold out to be wearing a skirt like that,” I said.
“Oh, it’s not that bad,” said Carol. “I’m sure it’ll warm up.”
“I don’t know,” said Lewis. “The forecast seemed pretty grim.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she said.
“Well ladies, let’s bid this fair city adieu,” said Lewis.
“If you don’t mind, Ally, I’d like to sit up front for a while,” said Carol. Before I could even give her an answer, she climbed into the front seat next to Lewis. I didn’t much mind, though. It gave me a chance to spread myself out in back and get some more sleep.
It must have been a few hours later that I woke up. The sun was pretty high in the sky. I could hear Lewis and Carol whispering and laughing.
“What are the two of you laughing about?” I asked.
“Lewis was just telling me about some of the crazy stuff that goes on at the kid’s parties when he performs his magic. What a riot!”
“How did you sleep?” asked Lewis.
“I believe I had a better sleep right here in the car than I did in that motel room,” I said.
“Well, maybe we should save some money then and just sleep in the car,” said Lewis.
“Now I didn’t say that.” I didn’t want Lewis getting the idea that I didn’t want to stay in a motel. Besides, those showers in the mornings did real good waking me up.
“I’m kidding. I don’t want us staying the night in the car. It isn’t safe. And it certainly wouldn’t be that comfortable, especially with the three of us.”
“A family that sleeps together weeps together,” said Carol.
“I never heard that before. I thought it was something about praying together and staying together,” said Lewis.
“My father raised us to be good atheists, so I made that one up instead.”
“What does it mean?” asked Lewis.
“If you have too many people sleeping in one bed, you’ll probably get kicked in the eye.”
“That’s not really very funny,” said Lewis.
“Maybe you just don’t have a keen wit.”
“My wit is keen enough. So, the way I’ve calculated it, we’ve got about two thousand miles to Hollywood.”
“How many more days will that take us?” I asked.
“Probably four. Unless we want to do some sightseeing.”
“I vote for sights,” said Carol.
“How about you, Ally? Are you in any rush to get to LA? Or would you like to see some sights on the way?”
“I reckon I’ll vote for sights, too,” I said.
“Then it’s settled. Sights it is. The world's our oyster, ” said Lewis
“Which we with swords will open,” said Carol.
Of course, it sounded might silly to open an oyster with a sword, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want them thinking I was stupid.
“What sights do you think we should see?” I asked.
“Hey, remember that one episode of The Brady Bunch when they visited the Grand Canyon and they all rode down to the bottom on donkeys? We could do that,” said Carol.
“We could definitely stop at the Grand Canyon. I’m not sure about riding to the bottom on donkeys, though,” said Lewis.
“Come on. Don’t act like you’ve got a stick up your ass. Be adventurous. Let’s do the donkey thing. That’s half the fun. You want to ride the donkeys, don’t you, Ally?”
“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a donkey in real life. I can’t say if I’d want to ride one or not.”
“How about we decide when we get there, okay?” said Lewis.
“I guess so,” said Carol. “Big party pooper.”
“I hardly think you can get away with calling a magician a party pooper,” said Lewis.
“Okay. Stick in the mud then.”
“He did say maybe,” I said to Carol. “I wouldn’t start calling him names until he says no for sure.”
“I guess you’re right,” she said. “Where else should we go?”
“I have a few sightseeing books in my stuff. Alice, would you reach into my bag and see if you can find them?”
I didn’t have a mind to go looking through his things, but since he asked, I did it. There were three books in the bag. I handed them to Carol.
"Beer, Brawls and Babes: A Frat Brother’s Guide to the Top Party Sites in America, Tour the USA with Rabbi Moshe Katz, and Famous Graves of America," said Carol. "Interesting combination."
"The library was having a fifty cent sale," said Lewis.
"I think you got ripped off," said Carol.
“Hasty, hasty. You don’t know what you’ll find in those books until you read them.”
“Okay. We’ll start with Beer, Brawls and Babes. Let’s see what the Frat boy has to say about Los Angeles. Hard bodies, sun tanned goddesses, this ain't the silicon valley, more like silicone hills. That's impressive. Is there anything in this book but T & A? Oh, yeah, here's a description of the Sunset Strip. Bars abound on every corner. Whether you’re a sportsbeer type or prefer the smooth hard stuff, you're sure to find it on the Strip. Frat boy's quite a writer," said Carol.
"Okay, it's not the most intelligent book ever written, but he's got a few interesting things in there. Take a look at the chapter on Las Vegas," said Lewis.
"I don’t know, Lewis. It looks like more description of strip clubs and bars."
"Well, try the Famous Graves of America then. That book seemed kind of unique," said Lewis.
"Unique or morbid?"
"Come on. Don't you want to see where Buddy Holly is buried? Or how about Elvis Presley? Maybe we should go to Graceland."
“Is that where the King is buried?” asked Carol.
“I don’t know if he’s buried there but I think that’s where he died,” said Lewis.
“My mama always did like Elvis,” I said. “I remember when I was little, she would play his music on this old record player of hers. She said she got it from her daddy before he up and left them. My mama always said she was gonna get to Graceland one day. Of course, she never did make it. I wouldn’t mind stopping at Graceland if you all don’t mind.”
“Okay, that’s two votes for Graceland,” said Lewis. “Carol?”
“Well, you ain’t nothing but a hound dog. Crying all the time,” she said.
“Is that a yes or no?” Lewis asked.
“I guess I’ll have to put on my blue suede shoes,” she said.
“Sometimes,