Resilience Within. Cameron Fancourt
That was like a brain explosion for me. Why you would stay in a job providing no happiness or satisfaction. We all survive in different ways and this was just so far out of perspective for me that I was totally shocked. I dared not say anything as that would have ended in an argument. It just shows you how so many people are living in this state of fear, entrapment and almost a depression, which has become a locked cycle for so many of us.
It was glaringly obvious to me that I must continue to be who I am. If school isn’t your thing then it’s not your thing. If working a 9-5 isn’t your thing either, then chuck that out the window too. Whatever works for you to earn a living, provides you fulfillment and enthusiasm to get out of bed each day, then that is all that matters. I truly believe that leveraging your strengths, experience, the technological world is the way to go. It gives you time, freedom, balance and ultimately can provide a lot more happiness and opportunity to pursue your goals, dreams, and hobbies outside of the mundane old-fashioned work a 50-hour work week to survive and retire.
Chapter 1 - Where Life Began
Growing up in the suburbs of the Northern Beaches of Sydney, life was pretty simple as a kid. I loved to play with my street friends, spending day after day riding my bike, building billy-carts and being a social butterfly. I was a popular kid, befriending all the neighbours, both young and old.
In my earlier years, life was perfect through those childʼs eyes. I was often referred to as a ‘happy little boy’, always greeting our family guests with a smile and a warm welcome. I loved having my siblings over for family dinners and remember those nights like they were yesterday.
Family
My mother is a strong woman. We had to abide by very clear boundaries. Throughout life my mother and I have had a turbulent relationship. With strong views and boundaries, it was hard for me to connect with her at times. She loved and support us in ways that didn’t always nurture me the way I needed, but this was the best she knew how. As a super sensitive kid I needed deeper support for my emotional wellbeing and development. This wasn’t easy for me to explain so I began to find ways to just bury my true feelings and move along. I reached out for nurturing and love from my family however it was always hard to connect with them the way I needed. I tried so hard to gain the attention and love the way I yearned; however, I did not know the best way to ask for it the way I truly needed. It was sort of expected that my parents should just get it as I was a kid. I had no idea what I was feeling and why so if I had no idea, how was I supposed to express them. wasn’t always right. I often got confused when I would feel one thing to then be told it wasn’t necessarily that way and had to just get on with it. I had to except that my parents had to be right and ignored those feelings. I’ve always had very different values and beliefs to my parents. In fact, I think my values and beliefs have been very different to many people, but it took me years to figure that out. For years I tried to get my parents to see my viewpoint and fought tooth and nail to do so. I found it hard to get them to accept my flaws, which I then saw myself as this failure to them even if this wasn’t the case.
My mother used to tell me ‘we are a family of survivors’. We were taught we must get on with life, look forward and be positive and strong. Being a super sensitive kid, which I still am today, it was not easy for me, particularly when I had so much deep self- doubt about myself. This ran deep and I was always trying to seek my parent’s approval for everything I did in life, small or large.
My father was a soft, gentle, hard-working man. He always worked endless hours to provide for his family and his retirement. A fitness fanatic, we spent many weekends at the beach whilst he surfed, went for a run or watched Rugby. He traveled a lot for his work and was a very humble man, not the slightest bit flashy at all. At times he struggled to express his emotions, particularly with us kids. As a child and into my early adult years, I wanted his approval on everything. I wanted to be successful just like him. My father was in corporate world, which I could see had its ups and downs like any job or business does. Whilst I watched his efforts in awe, I realised that corporate life was not going to be for me. I wanted the success through entrepreneurial ways, and I was determined for it to be that way.
We were given many niceties as kids, traveling overseas most years, having the latest and greatest clothes and dining out for special occasions. My father was a quiet achiever and shunned at conflict on every level. He would rather run from conflict before he would muscle up and fight an argument.
My younger sister was always like my shadow in our younger years. We spent a lot of time together so at times we would pick on each other ending in the usual sibling arguments. My older brother and sister I looked up to. A few years older than me, I always thought they were cool and wanted to hang out with them as much as possible. I enjoyed their visits to our home and wished they came more often. Being older than me meant they had their lives and like most older siblings, you don’t want your younger brother or sister hanging off your ankles. It took me years to accept personality differences between my other siblings and me. My younger sister and I had a love hate relationship as we grew through our teenage years. I think it was well into my twenties before we started to enjoy each other’s company again.
Twenty years on and we still have our own strong opinions and views on life. Our values and beliefs don't always align. This is similar for many people I know who have siblings. Like every relationship, this can have its challenges.
Extended Family
As a kid, I loved goingto see my grandparents at their home in the Sydney suburb of Chatswood. My father grew up in this home and it was kept in its original state from since he was born. I had a special bond with my grandmother. I looked forward to her home-cooked meals that usually consisted of her table being set for a very formal occasion. My grandparents would dress up in the most impeccable attire with my grandmother wearing all the family jewels. The crystal glassware was out, and polished stainless-steel cutlery presented as if I was going to a formal dinner with the Queen.
The bond between my grandmother and I was a relationship that was filled with immense love. It felt as if I was the favourite grandson, even if I wasn’t. She would tickle my arm and back watching TV in her dust-filled, overheated lounge room, usually watching all the relevant news channels that filled her with all the doom and gloom going on around the world. Staying in her home was like a place of peace for me. It was a place for me to escape everyday routine and life.
Values and Beliefs
The values and beliefs of another person can run very deep. It is easy for us to become entrenched in the views of others and be critiqued for what we do and how we live. I grew to realise that it was best to remove yourself from the views of others, before they take a hold and you get caught in the ever so strong cycle. As a child I was brought up with very firm and clear values that were instilled in us from a very young age. Some of these had been handed down from generations well before my parents. They ran deep where I didn’t understand any other way and I’m convinced nor did my parents. I was always trying to find a way around ingrained values and beliefs of others, not just my parents. This was the rebel side in me, seeking to find my own identity and value system that I wanted to hand down to the next generation. As a young kid it is very hard for you to be able to stand your ground and continue to be as you desire. I needed to protect myself on many levels and it took a lot of heartache and pain for me to find my flow. I have worked so hard to create the value system and belief I stand for in my life. This was a hard one to breakthrough but with time and perseverance it was possible. It took me forty-three years to acknowledge my values and beliefs and not be told that they are invalid in some direct or indirect way by anyone. If this sounds familiar, I would ask yourself what ‘feels’ right to you and start to take charge of your life by living it the way you please. We only get one chance at this life. Live it how you want; period!
Chapter 2: Anxiety Onset
Tragedy
At the age of 13, a tragedy occurred. I lost my nearest and dearest friend