Drama Queers!. Frank Anthony Polito
believe how much Tracy’s changed since junior high at Webb. We weren’t ever really friends, but her sister, Lydia, has known my sister, Janelle, since we first moved to Ferndale. Back in 9th grade, Tracy went with Jack Paterno to the Carnation Dance. I’ll never forget she wore this totally Madonna “Like a Virgin” get-up, complete with long gloves and matching scarves in her hair. Now three years later, I barely recognize her.
First of all, she’s super skinny. Not that Tracy was ever fat or anything, but I bet she’s lost at least twenty pounds. And now she’s a Total Punk. She’s traded her blond bob for a totally dyed-black, sticking-up-on-top/short-on-the-sides ’do—save for the long wisps coming down by her ears like sideburns. You should also see the way she’s dressed…Tight black tank top worn with black tights and black rubber bracelets cascading up and down her arms. She must have her ears pierced six or seven times on each side.
Good-bye Book Worm, hello Sex Kitten!
“What’s up?”
This I say to the other girl, a short, cute Vikette named Diane Thompson. She looks very Preppie sporting a beige cardigan with a brown turtleneck, pegged pants, and brown leather Bass loafers.
Diane replies, “Oh nothing.” She avoids looking at me like she thinks I totally hate her or something, just because she dumped Jack’s sorry ass after dating him during Junior year. Yet she asks, “Have you talked to Lou lately?”
Uh-oh, here we go!
I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid this forever.
Where do I start?
‘member the two Senior girls I mentioned being friends with during Sophomore year? The ones who both made “Top 25”? Alyssa Resnick and Cheri Sheffield. Well, like Diane, Alyssa also dated Jack. And like Diane again, it only lasted a couple months.
Wanna know why?
I probably shouldn’t say anything. It’s none of my business, really. But the fact that I barely seen him since school began because of it is starting to piss me off, you know what I mean?
Jack Paterno is gay.
At least I think he is, and I been his Best Friend since 7th grade, so I should know, right?
To make a long story short…
Me and Jack met Alyssa and her other Best Friend, Luanne “Lou” Kowalski on a Marching Band bus trip at the beginning of Sophomore year. Well, Jack and Alyssa hit it off and started going together, which totally pissed Lou off because Lou is a lesbian, and she was in love with Alyssa at the time.
Fast forward to Valentine’s Day 1986…
This totally hot guy, Joey Palladino, moved back to Hazeltucky after his parents got a divorce. Him and Jack were Best Friends back in elementary school at Longfellow, I guess. Seeing Joey again made Jack realize he was in love with him, and probably had been since they were in like 4th grade.
That’s about the time I had my Okla-homo! audition.
“You’re really gonna go thru with that?”
Jack immediately asked me this question when I mentioned I planned on trying out.
“I already told you, it’s what I wanna do with my life.”
Ever since Mrs. Malloy assigned us the What I Want to Be When I Grow Up paper earlier that year in 1st hour English, I made up my mind…I, Bradley James Dayton, will be a famous actor someday!
Wanna know what Jack said when I confessed I’d be doing the Jane Seymour speech from Somewhere in Time?
“But that’s a girl’s monologue.”
“So what?” I snapped, sounding totally defensive. “I like it and that’s all that counts.” Plus I can do an awesome Jane Seymour impression: “Is it you?”
“Aren’t you gonna care what other people think?”
Didn’t I say Jack spends all his time worrying about other people? Me, I don’t give a shit what they think. The fact that I was auditioning for Okla-homo! already made me a Total Fag in most people’s eyes, you know what I mean? They don’t call ’em Drama Queers for nothin’.
And that was the moment I first told Jack I’m gay.
He claims he never knew. That he never once considered it, even though back in 9th grade he helped me steal a copy of Playgirl from my sister, Janelle, and conduct a séance to resurrect the then-recently departed Jon-Erik Hexum from Cover Up and Making of a Male Model with Joan Collins. I can’t believe that after being my Best Friend for over three years, Jack didn’t suspect I could be (quote) a little light in the loafers (unquote).
Somehow, I managed to get him to admit that he thought he might be gay, too. So me and Lou took Jack out to this (gay) bar down on Woodward called Heaven. It’s a Total Dump, but we always had a good time.
For a while things were fine. Jack and Lou finally started getting along. When he wasn’t spending all his time with Joey Palladino, the three of would take drives in Lou’s Escort out 1–94 to Algonac, listening to Echo & the Bunnymen. Or we’d go to Elias Brothers (Big Boy’s), and Jack would sit while me and Lou drank coffee and smoked. After sooo many years of thinking I was the only gay person alive, now I had two friends who were both like me.
That’s about the time Jack got the letter.
Dear Jack,
I know you’re a fag.
Love, Mom
Okay, Dianne Paterno didn’t exactly go that far, but she did say she was pretty sure Jack was (quote-unquote) in love with Joey Palladino. She also said she’d support him no matter what, which was totally cool if you ask me. But Jack totally freaked out.
Next thing I knew, no more gay Jack.
That summer, we barely saw each other, between me getting a job at Big Boy’s and working every night, and Jack taking Driver’s Ed and spending every day with Betsy Sheffield who he decided he was now (quote-unquote) in love with ever since the whole scan-jul with Joey caused them to stop being friends.
Not that she’s not nice, but Betsy can be a little stuck-up. I don’t know if it’s because she went to the other junior high, Beecher, and lives over in The Courts or what. Sometimes she gets this attitude like she thinks she’s better than everybody else, you know what I mean? It makes perfect sense that her and Jack would totally get along since he’s always acted this way, too. Did I mention that Betsy is Cheri Sheffield’s younger sister?
She’s also a Senior and happens to be sitting across the Choir room from me in the alto section at this very moment. I don’t know if anybody’s told Betsy, but it’s the first week of October and she’s got on khaki shorts worn with a navy sweatshirt turned inside out, matching socks, and penny loafers. She’s always prided herself in being totally Preppie.
Betsy is also a totally popular cheerleader. This is part of the reason I think Jack is friends with her in the first place. Ever since he dropped outta Band, Jack has been bound and determined to infiltrate the popular crowd. If you ask me, it’s totally lame. It’s not like he’s a loser or anything. Jack’s already friends with all the popular girls—it’s the guys who won’t give him the time of day.
Once we returned to school in the fall of ’86, Lou became drum major. Being in Marching Band under her direction totally sucked! Let’s just say, we didn’t call her “Baby Hitler” for nothing. To make matters worse, Jack decided to ask out Diane Thompson, even though he knew Lou totally had a thing for her and it would totally piss Lou off. Sure enough, it worked, and soon after, Lou started telling everybody (including Diane Thompson) that Jack was a Total Fag.
Even I thought this was true because it had been.
At least for a while.
I guess not anymore.
Poor Brad…I totally