A Choice of Secrets. Barb Hendee
Louise will make you some eggs.”
* * * *
I tried to put Christophe’s anguished words from my mind, and my own emotions confused me.
I pitied him.
I was angry with him.
As he was a longtime friend of my family—and engaged to marry my sister—it would never have occurred to me to view him as anything else. But now, after his pleading and his vision of what our future might have been, I could think of little else. Why had he done this to me? Surely, he could not have expected me to ruin Chloe’s prospects by agreeing to his proposal. He indeed must have been desperate.
That thought only made me feel worse and my anger turned back to pity. I hoped he would be proven wrong and that he and Chloe could find happiness together, or at least some mutual contentment.
Two days after Christophe’s attempt to alter the path of my life, I launched into helping the women servants of our household with our typical weekly laundry day. My mother always oversaw this event, but I liked to help as well.
Young Jenny was indispensable to us. She served as my personal maid on occasion, helping me dress and doing my hair—when such a need arose. But she served as Chloe’s maid more often and she helped to keep our closets arranged.
Today, she was helping to wash clothing in large tubs.
Looking at the pile of evening gowns from the night of the banquet, she frowned. “Lady Nicole, I see the lavender gown you wore, but I don’t see Miss Chloe’s green silk. Might another of the maids have simply hung it back up? I do think it was in need of a cleaning.”
Indeed it was in need of a cleaning. Poor Chloe had been so sick after the dance.
Quickly, I went through the pile. “You’re right. It’s not here. Let me run to her room and I’ll see if it’s in her closet.”
Leaving the laundry room, I trotted out the back door and up the connecting path to a three-story building that served as our main residence. Walking through a side door, I turned left down a passage and made my way to the rooms I shared with Chloe. She never minded me searching through her closest, and of course I would never have minded her searching through mine.
Hers, however, was much larger, almost a small room to itself, so upon entering her bedroom, I walked past the bed and dressing table, and through another door into her closet. Countless gowns hung there and most of them were either a shade of green or amber.
I began searching for her emerald green silk.
Only a few moments later, I heard the door to her bedroom open, followed by the sound of her voice.
“There is nowhere else safe to talk,” she said. “Hurry inside and close the door.”
“You take too much risk,” a male voice answered. “You know what would happen if a servant walked in.”
I froze. I knew the voice. It belonged to Julian Belledini. What was she thinking? Men were not allowed in our rooms. Even Erik stood in the doorway if he came to seek one of us for some reason.
“The servants are all busy doing laundry with Mother and we must talk. Besides…in a few moments, any worry of being caught in an indiscretion won’t matter,” Chloe said. Her voice sounded strained. I’d rarely heard her use any tone that wasn’t calm and serene.
Julian’s voice was agitated. “My love. What could you mean?”
His love? I held a breath. I should not be hearing this.
A pause followed and then Chloe said, “I’m with child.”
“What?” He sounded horrified. “How could this have happened? We’ve been so careful. I’ve never spent myself while still inside you.”
I could feel my face flushing red, and in spite of my shame at overhearing this private conversation, I moved up behind the open door of the closet to peer through the crack into the bedroom. Chloe was beautiful and pale, but she appeared stunned by his reaction.
“You are not pleased?” she asked. “Don’t you see what this means? If we tell my father, he’ll have no choice but to break my betrothal to Christophe. We can be married.”
From where I stood, I watched emotions playing across Julian’s face: fear, shock, and great disappointment.
Then his voice altered to a softer note, and he moved closer to grasp her hand.
“No, my love. We cannot tell your father. If we do, he will shame us both. Even if he did break your betrothal and allow you to marry me, what would your dowry be now? Nothing. You and I would be left with nothing, and how fair would that be to our child?”
She gasped. “What are you saying? You won’t claim the child as your own? What of all our plans?”
He touched her face. “Our plans are lost. We cannot let your father know that we have…been together.”
“Then we won’t tell him I’m with child. We’ll simply go now and tell him that we are in love and beg him to allow us to marry. He is not unkind. He may agree.”
“And then what? Even if we asked his permission for an honorable marriage, it will take him time to break the contract with Lord Christophe. Compensations would have to be made. Then, your parents would wish a decent amount of time before our wedding, and by then, you would be showing. The truth would be known. Again, your father would shame us and leave us with nothing. Is this what you want for our child? To grow up in poverty?”
Reeling from the scene playing out before, I tried to get my head around the fact that Chloe had shared her body with Julian and had hoped to marry him. But other realities fought to the forefront of my mind as I watched the bitter disappointment in Julian’s face. In spite of his words of concern for the welfare of the child, he had the look of a trapped fox. He had wanted to marry Chloe, but he also wanted my father’s blessing and a large dowry.
He was certainly right that if my father learned Chloe was with child, he would most likely force a marriage and not give Julian one copper penny in wealth or lands. There would be no thousand acres of prime timberland for him. No yearly stipend.
Julian would have nothing but Chloe and the child.
And it seemed that now he wanted neither.
“Then what I am to do?” she asked.
He grasped both her hands. “For the sake of yourself and our child, you must go ahead with the marriage to Lord Christophe. That is the only way I see to protect your futures.”
“No!” she cried. “You love me as I love you. What does it matter if we have no wealth? Your family would allow us to live with them. We would have each other.”
“You say that now,” he answered. “But soon, it would not be enough for you and it would not be enough for me.”
She jerked her hands from his. “You liar. You made me believe you wanted to spend your life with me.”
He stepped away from her. “And I did. I do. But not like this. Marry Lord Christophe. You have no choice now. In three years’ time, you’ll thank me.”
Turning, he walked out of the room.
Chloe put both hands to her mouth to stifle a sob and I fought the urge to run to her. I could not let her know what I’d just overheard. Tears flowed down her face as she continued attempting to stifle sobs. The sight and sound was heartbreaking, but I remained in the closet.
Then a knock sounded on the door. “Lady Chloe?”
I knew the voice. It was Matilda, one of our kitchen maids.
“Please don’t enter,” Chloe managed to call back. “What do you need?”
“Cook asked me to come fetch you. She’s wondering about changing tonight’s dinner menu, and your mother is overseeing the laundry.”