Idiots are invincible. Dr Ro
of others, the chubby guy in the tiny European lift who squeezes him into the corner, the traffic, his stupid boss, the disgruntled and impervious client, as well as the most difficult person of all – his own self and his irrational expectations!
Don differs from other mere mortals, thanks to his humour, his determination and commitment to his pledge “I won’t let any idiot ruin my day, because this is MY day!” and his careful preparation of an action plan on how to deal with both small annoyances and seemingly unconquerable summits.
This is MY day!
Don’s ability to maintain the appropriate distance from every problem is of the utmost importance. He can put things into perspective, offering every event the necessary attention and nothing more.
All this takes place in the final part. By that time, readers realize a) why they have read a few hundred pages of this book, b) who they really are, and c) what they are doing on this planet. They also get answers to several other philosophical and … metaphysical questions.
Tips for readers
I have always been impressed by scepticism and the ability (or inability) of the human brain for critical thought. People are quick to believe that there are 300 billion stars in The Milky Way, our galaxy, without insisting on counting them, but if you tell them that a wall or a staircase is freshly painted they need to test it with their finger. I admit, I used to be one of them, and made several mistakes, even when borrowing information for my lectures and my books. We are equally gullible to star signs, coffee-grind readings, psychics,4 and tarot cards without, for an instance, stopping to ponder the validity of every ridiculous and absurd theory we rush to embrace.
Some of the ideas presented in this book (much like my previous one Princes to Frog and Vice Versa), may initially appear slightly strange. Whichever way you perceive them, work to maintain a critical view. Do not accept everything you read. You are entitled to your own opinion.5 Think, question, and cross-reference the information.
The material in this book is suitable for readers with analytical thinking skills, those who are interested in stress and problem solving, and want to organize their thoughts or add more information to their existing knowledge.6 On the other hand, cognitive misers, those who wish to avoid spending a lot of time and effort reading everything there is to read about stress, may wish to skip the first part. In fact, if you happen to fit in the latter category and want to feel better now, make sure you read the Ro method (Chapter 8) and then go straight to the third part, which presents everyday applications of the theory described in the first two parts.
Test: True or False?
Before we begin, why don’t we – why don’t you – perform a test to check your knowledge on stress.
Grab pen and paper (if you still remember how to use them).
Now write T (True) or F (False) for each statement on a piece of paper (else on a file on your note pad, iBook etc.).7
– Too many good things in a row can make you sick.
– Traffic congestion can raise your blood pressure.
– Stress, behaviour, and certain personality traits can increase one’s chances of becoming ill.
– Most headaches are caused by muscle tension.
– Stress can affect the course of cancer.
– Stress is the best substrate for the activation and multiplication of various pathogenic microorganisms, as it decreases the effectiveness of the immune system.
– Individuals can moderate the frequency, intensity, duration and, as a result, the consequences or effects of stress.
– Personal development efforts, such as training in emotional management, health education, and behaviour modification (nutrition, exercise, and smoking cessation) contribute to better physical and psychological health.
– A sense of humour can buffer the effects of stress.
– Married people live longer and have 30 percent higher incomes.
I hope these questions have sparked your interest. The answers are … somewhere in this book.8 It seems that you will have to read on.
Let us begin!
PART I: A LITTLE THEORY
I want to move to theory. Everything works in theory. – John Cash
ARE YOU stressed? If yes, join the club.
Stress can be useful or detrimental. Many studies have shown, however, that excessive stress is harmful for just about anyone. The extent of the negative effects of stress depends on a number of factors, such as genes, general physical condition, diet and lifestyle, etc. Do not despair though, because there are a number of cognitive and behavioural stress management techniques and methods to help you deal with stress and reduce its negative effects.
In this Part we will answer the following questions:
What is stress?
What or who creates stress?
Is stress generated from the outside or the inside?
If you feel pressure and stress, what senses allow you to experience these feelings? Can you see stress? Hear it? Catch it and kick it away? Can you smell stress? Taste it and season it?
Are some people born “stressed?”
Is stress “necessary?”
Chapter 1: Stress? What is that?
Stress is when you wake up screaming … and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet! – Anonymous
ONCE UPON a time, in a small south European country, I gave a talk to Greek repatriates from Russia.
During the lecture, answering my questions they complained of numerous problems. They were unemployed, lived in basement apartments, had no health insurance for themselves or their loved ones, and were discriminated against and treated poorly.
I was stunned. I had just returned from my postgraduate studies in Australia, where living standards and the quality of life are comparably high, and certain things that in other nations are considered luxuries are taken for granted.
Since that day, I have talked to various audiences – several thousands of people in total. I have addressed entrepreneurs whose businesses were generating millions of Euros. They also told me they had numerous problems and a lot of stress because … they had lots of money! I came to think that money, or the lack of it, may not be the real problem.
Is this a problem or what: Which one should I buy?
I asked an old classmate how he was doing. He replied sadly that he had no work. On the other hand, I am constantly complaining that I have too much work. I realised that work may not be the main source of stress either.
Some people believe that if they had a car, their life would be easier. Those (at least in large and populated cities) who own a car start cursing the moment they have to use it and drive to their destination. They automatically think of the traffic and the stress related to searching for somewhere to park.
I was now officially confused.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
I always begin my talks by asking participants to evaluate their mood at that moment, using a Likert scale from 1 = excellent to 5 = lousy. As you can probably guess, replies vary substantially.
Story: I’ve got her/him to hug …
A couple of years ago, I was lecturing to my students at City College. “Well, how are they feeling?” you might well ask. On the other hand, you may not. Whether you ask or not, I will tell you. How would you expect them to feel?