What’s Left of Me. Kat Zhang
the finger-pointing that must have occurred. People back then couldn’t have been so different from people today. <I hope the foundation collapses. I hope the whole building comes crashing down.>
<Don’t be stupid> Addie said. <There was all of two inches of water. It’ll be fixed in a week.>
<There was fire. And I said I hope.>
Addie sighed, resting our chin in one hand and doodling the girl in front of us—who slept with her mouth half-open—with the other. It wasn’t like we needed to actually watch the movie to fill out a page or two of notes. We’d covered the Great Wars of the twentieth century so many times we could recite the major battles, rattle off the casualty counts, quote the speeches our president had given as we’d fought off the attempts at invasion. Eventually, we’d proven too strong for them, of course, and their attention had turned back to their own continents, chaotic and ravished. That was what war did. What hybrids did. What they were doing, even now.
<Yeah> Addie said finally. <Me too.>
On television, an airplane dropped bombs on an indistinct city. The boy sitting beside us yawned, his eyes drooping shut. We didn’t have much footage of the latter part of the Wars, since they’d happened so far away, but what we did have was shown over and over again until I wanted to scream. I could only imagine what we’d be subjected to if there had been such a thing as TV news during the invasions a few decades earlier.
<Eva?> Addie said.
I shoved my emotions away from Addie, shielding her from my frustration. <I’m fine> I said. <I’m fine.>
We watched as fire swept across the chaos-stricken city. Officially, the last Great War had ended when Addie and I were a baby, but the hybrids occupying the rest of the world had never stopped fighting among themselves. How could they? Addie and I had enough arguments, and we didn’t even share control. How could a society founded on two souls in each body ever be at peace? The individuals making up the country weren’t even at peace with themselves, and that led to all sorts of problems—constant frustration, lashing out at others, and, for the weaker-minded, eventual insanity. I could see the bleak prognosis on the pamphlets at the doctors’ offices, printed in boldface.
So I understood why the Revolutionary leaders had founded the Americas as a hybrid-free country, why they’d worked so hard to eradicate the existing hybrids of the time, so they could start clean and fresh and untainted. I could even understand, in the most rational parts of me, why people like Addie and me couldn’t, on the whole, be allowed free rein. But understanding a thing and accepting it are so very different things.
Addie dashed off some halfhearted notes as the movie came to a close and the bell rang. Normally I would help her, adding the facts I remembered to hers, but I was hardly in the mood now. We were out the door before our paper reached the front of the room.
We’d only made it a few steps down the hall when a second person shot out of the classroom and called Addie’s name.
“What is it, Hally?” Addie said, holding back a sigh.
To my surprise, Hally’s smile slipped a notch, but only for a moment. Enough, though, for me to say <Addie, don’t snap at her.>
<She keeps following us around> Addie said. <First babysitting, then at the museum. I—>
“Want to come over for dinner?” Hally said.
Addie stared. The hall was filling with people, but neither she nor Hally moved from their spots in the middle of the corridor.
“My parents are going out,” Hally added after a moment. Her thick hair still wasn’t completely dry, and she wrapped a finger around a curl. “It’s just going to be my brother and me.” She raised her eyebrows, her smile returning to full force. “I’d rather avoid eating alone with him.”
<Addie> I said. <Stop staring. Say something.>
“Oh,” Addie said. “Oh, well—I—I can’t.”
I’d never heard Addie turn down an invitation to go to someone’s house before—not without a very good reason. Many of the students at our school had attended classes together since primary; entering late had meant hitting a lot of walls when trying to make friends. Everyone already had a place, a group, a seat at the lunch table, and Addie had learned to grab on to what fingerholds she could. But Hally Mullan just plain being Hally Mullan was, I guess, enough reason to decline any offer of friendship.
“It’s my shirt,” Addie said, looking down at the stain in the white fabric. “I’ve got to get home before my parents and wash it. If they—” If they see it, they’ll ask what happened. And where. And then that look will fall over their eyes, the one that snuck onto their faces every time they saw another news report about a hybrid being discovered somewhere, or a reminder to watch your neighbors, to be forever on the lookout for the hidden enemy. It made our gut wrench. Made us want to leave the room.
“You can wash it at my house if you don’t want your parents to see,” Hally said. Her voice was softer now, less brilliant in its cheerfulness, but gentler. “I’ve got stuff you could wear while it dries, no problem. You could change back before you leave, and no one would ever know.”
Addie hesitated. Chances were, our mom was getting ready to drive home. We’d certainly get back before she did, but no way would our shirt be dry before then, and I told Addie so.
<I could lie> Addie said. <I could say I fell and got dirt on it. I could—>
<Why not just go?> I said.
<You know why.>
Hally took a step toward us. We were almost the same height, mirroring each other—or inverting each other. Hally’s dark, almost black hair to our dirty blond. Her olive skin to our pale, freckled arms. “Addie? Is something wrong?”
Again that question. Are you okay? Is something wrong?
“No,” Addie said. “No, nothing.”
“Then you can come?” Hally said.
<Come on, Addie> I said. <Go. No one will know. Nobody even talks to her. What can it hurt?>
I felt her waver and pushed harder. Addie might not have appreciated this girl who questioned Robby about Will and didn’t flinch from talking about settling, but I did. If nothing else, she intrigued me. <It’s Friday. Nobody’s going to be home for dinner anyway.>
Addie chewed at our bottom lip, then must have realized what she was doing and said quickly, “Well … all right.”
“You ready?” she asked as soon as she found her voice.
Addie nodded.
“Great. Come on, then.”
The solemn contemplation of a moment ago disappeared. She was all bubbles and energy. Addie hardly got a word in edgewise as Hally blabbered on about how glad she was that it was finally Friday, how nice it was that it was almost summer break, how tiring the first year of high school had been.
Yes, said Addie. Yes, except for the mosquitoes and the humidity. Yes, but it had been fun, hadn’t it?
Neither she nor Hally brought up the ruined trip to the history museum.
We’d expected Hally’s