The Wife – Part Four: Till Death Do Us Part. ML Roberts
I need to know how to end this.
He sighs heavily. A frustrated sigh. ‘Come to my room.’
He turns and heads towards the lifts, and I follow him, neither of us saying anything. The silence between us is almost foreboding, and I feel my heart start to pick up a faster rhythm as we approach his room. She’s obviously not with him. But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been here.
He closes the door behind him, throws his bag down on the bed. He stares at me, and again I feel sadness and anger merge, I still love him so much. That’s why I’ve been driven to this, because I love him. He’s my husband … my husband.
‘What do you want, Ellie?’
I tilt my head to one side, and look at him. Right at him. I hold his gaze and he narrows his eyes, he’s confused. Good. I’m the one in control now, and I need to make sure it stays that way.
‘I want you, Michael.’
He narrows his eyes a little more, and then he breaks the stare; he laughs, turns his head away from me, runs a hand along the back of his neck. ‘Jesus Christ…’
I walk over to him, pull his hand away from his neck and I force his head around to look at me. ‘There’s nothing funny about this. I’m your wife, and that’s something you seem to be forgetting…’
His fingers grasp my wrist, so tight they dig into my skin, but I don’t even flinch.
‘You haven’t been my wife for a long time now, Ellie.’
‘And whose fault is that?’
‘I didn’t drive you to this…’
‘You helped.’
His eyes lock on mine, it’s like he’s staring into my very soul. Trying to find the woman he married. The woman he loved – no. He still loves me. Whatever he’s done, we can fix it. We can move on. We can get past this, I know we can. I wasn’t sure before, but being this close to him … I’m not willing to let him go.
I reach out with my free hand, lightly touch his mouth with my fingertips and he doesn’t stop me. He keeps his eyes on mine, and I know he feels it too. That connection, that bond between us that can’t be broken.
‘Do you still love me, Michael?’
‘Ellie, please…’
‘Do you still love me?’
‘Of course I still love you, but…’
‘Ssh.’ I shake my head, press my fingers against his mouth to silence him. ‘You still love me. I still love you. We can save this, Michael. We can save us…’
He grasps my wrist a little tighter, but still the pain means nothing. I feel nothing. ‘Ellie, you’re not well…’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You need to talk to someone. You need to go back to the counsellor…’
I wrench my arm free and step back from him. ‘All I ever wanted was to talk to you. My husband. What happened that night … we vowed we’d stick together, remember? You promised me that, you said…’
‘And I’ll never break that promise, but right now – right now, I can’t do this. You need help, Ellie.’
I walk back over to him, run my fingertips lightly over his jacket collar. ‘I don’t need help.’ I pull him gently towards me, and he doesn’t protest, doesn’t make any attempt to stop me. Because he’s weak? I think we might all be a little guilty of that. I rest my mouth against his, smiling slightly as I feel his erection nudge my thigh. ‘I just need my husband back.’
He slides a hand around on to the small of my back, lowers it to my bottom, cupping it gently as he kisses me; as he pushes me back against the wall.
Weak.
Weak.
Weak…
‘You want me because I’m not the woman you married,’ I breathe as his hand presses against my breast. ‘That’s what’s making you hard, right?’
He looks at me for a second, his eyes burning into mine, and then he steps back. It’s like he’s suddenly been yanked from a trance; like he can’t quite believe what he’s doing, and it breaks my heart. It fills me with anger. Two very different emotions clashing, fighting against each other.
‘You need to go, Ellie. Now.’
The anger’s winning. Sadness is just a waste of time, it’s sucking up the energy I need to fight this battle.
‘Because I’m not Ava?’
He takes another step back, rakes a hand through his hair as he stares at me again. ‘I’m not doing this, okay? I want you to go.’
I walk towards him. I hold his gaze, I need to stay strong. Focused. He needs to know I’m not just going to roll over and give up without fighting this.
‘What does she do to you, Michael, to make you keep running to her?’
‘You need to go.’
‘Is it the prospect of a younger body, hmm? A body that isn’t damaged, like mine? A body that isn’t scarred? Does she fuck you in ways you never dreamt of…?’
He grabs hold of my wrist again, his eyes blazing with an anger I haven’t seen in him before, but he doesn’t scare me. I don’t think anything scares me anymore. I think I passed that point a long time ago.
‘You need to leave, right now.’
What nerve have I touched? What button did I press?
He opens the door and lets go of me. He’s giving me the chance to leave without a scene – which I have every intention of doing, but this isn’t over. This is so far from over.
I reach out, cup his cheek, move my mouth so very close to his. ‘You caused this, Michael. You did this, with your reckless behaviour.’
‘I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, Ellie. Remember?’
We stare at each other for a few loaded beats, and then I step back from him. I turn and walk away. As I head towards the lift I feel that anger rising, bubbling away inside of me, threatening to explode. I need to get out of here now, I need to go to work, do something normal. If I knew what normal was anymore.
‘Ellie?’
I stop walking, and look up to see Liam standing there in reception, his hands in his pockets, his face serious. Concerned? He might be. I’m not sure, I can’t really read his expression.
‘I need to get to work…’
He grabs my hand as I pass him, swinging me around to face him. ‘What’ve you done?’
I don’t know, what I’ve done. But that anger’s filling me now, flooding my veins. I’m angry with myself, with Michael. Liam. I’m so fucking angry…
I look up into his eyes, and he gets it, he feels that anger coursing through me, burning my gut, it’s relentless. I need to channel it, rid myself of it before I go anywhere or do anything, and he knows that. Liam won’t turn me down. Liam is the weakest of them all, I know that now.
I kiss him, and he responds in a heartbeat, he always does. His fingers wind in my hair, his body hard against mine, but we can’t stay here. People are watching, we’re in too public a place…
He takes my hand and we walk briskly towards the toilets, we can’t wait. I don’t want to wait, I need him now. He’s my medicine, my fix – and this is urgent. Michael may have rejected me, but Liam would never do that.
Michael. My husband. Rejected me…
I lean back against the wall as Liam