Learning Self-Love. Simone Janson

      Thinking mistakes self-denial as a success killer: more self-love and potential development please!

      // By Jens Korz, Simone Janson

      Knowing your own needs is important. Unfortunately, many people do not even know their needs or assign these social trends and their careers.

      Self-denial until you drop

      Using the example of a fifty-year-old lady, who built up three different companies with great pressure and yet was not happy, we realized that it is important to know yourself and your needs.

      However, the opposite can often be observed: Your own needs are neglected for your career. This is a big mistake in thinking: self-denial.

      Do not be an egoist!

      There is often the belief that "I am only worth something if everyone else is doing well and I have to take care of it." People with this mistake in thinking put the life interests of their fellow men above their own needs.

      The bad thing about this way of thinking is that people defend this way of thinking by all means. "What would this society be if everyone thought only of themselves and no one of their fellow human beings?"

      Think of yourself!

      Do not get me wrong. Here no one is to be educated as an egomaniac and pure hedonist. It is more about developing a healthy egoism. An egoism that allows you to look out for yourself, to remain both mentally and physically healthy and not wanting to be right.

      So say no if you do not want something. Ask for assistance if you need assistance. - I could continue this list page by page. In the mode of self-denial, we are afraid that something terrible could happen to us or others if we do not sacrifice ourselves.

      Reasons for self-denial

      We could tease and make enemies. Maybe even get unpopular or get a headwind we can not stand. There may be dozens of depth psychology reasons for self-denial. Typical reasons are:

      Whatever it is, they do not do you good, because they perform bit by bit for self-abandonment.

      Altruists experience little appreciation

      Although people with an altruistic attitude are enormously important to a society, they are, unfortunately, far too little appreciation. I have experienced clients in my practice who were so close to your sacrificial role that they no longer knew what their needs were.

      They had lived so long in the self-denial of their own desires that they had completely lost contact with themselves.

      Creative chaots also have a hard time!

      But creatives, lateral thinkers and chaos often have a hard time knowing and living their own needs in our standardized, rational work environment. It is unconventional talents such as flexibility, empathy and inventiveness that are becoming increasingly important in business and society.

      Because odd career paths are becoming more and more important in a constantly changing society, innovation and flexibility are becoming more and more important in the globalized economy and thus the strengths of the “colorful birds” such as inventiveness, empathy and visions are increasingly in demand.

      Colorful birds do not recognize their potential and

      A big problem is that many of the creative chaots do not even know their skills themselves - and cannot sell them at all. When people with extremely strange CVs have their say, it often shows that, for example, you can be successful even without formal vocational training - provided you have the appropriate initiative.

      We are looking for adaptable thinkers with a streamlined curriculum vitae and formal qualifications. Those who think differently often fail to recognize their potential.

      Creative cross-thinkers sunk in lower floors

      As a result, visionary lateral thinkers and creative chaots, who have unconventional talents and meandering careers, often sand down on the lower floors. Tragic for those affected, who cannot live out their talents, and a great loss for companies, because today they absolutely need idea providers and visionaries on their decision-making floors.

      What do you have to bring with you if you want to have a successful career? Adaptability, rational thinking and a straightforward curriculum vitae, that is the common idea. This is what the preferred employee of most companies looks like. He doesn't even have to climb the career ladder because you are automatically hoisted up. Unfortunately!

      Self-awareness promotes resilience

      This is a pity, because research on burn-out and resilience now knows that people can handle crisis situations particularly well if they know their own needs and consciously reward themselves for success. Skills that our management floors can definitely use.

      Personal self-efficacy increases when you do not deny yourself. So you should work urgently to avoid the mistake of self-denial and the associated self-abandonment and thus recognize your true potential.