Because Of You. Kristina O'Grady
‘Mark went home with that bitch Helga Hansen. Don’t think that I don’t know you tried to hide her identity from everyone. People are so dumb in this town. I can’t believe they fell for your lies about her name being Jane Whatever. So what if her hair was in those stupid little ponytails and her eyes were overly enlarged by makeup. I knew it was her as soon as you two walked in together…But I got my own back, don’t you worry.’
‘Um, Kelsey, that’s not why I’m here. It’s about Mark, not some movie star that may or may not be in town.’ Inside Beth was trying to stay calm. The mention of Helga had thrown her and she would love to tell Kelsey how lovely her new room-mate was but that wasn’t why she was here and Helga’s one stipulation to staying at Beth’s Country Home was that no one was to know where she was staying.
‘I went home with Mark.’ Shit. She didn’t mean to blurt it out quite like that.
Kelsey’s face froze in a look of disgust and shock. ‘You?!’
‘The girls I came with left without me and I had no way of getting home and I couldn’t drive, could I? I drank way too much. A lot of the night, I can only vaguely recall. Mark took me to his house and looked after me. I was pretty sick this morning,’ Beth continued with a blush as she remembered the state she was in when she woke up. There was no way she was telling Kelsey she was naked in Mark’s bed. ‘I’ve been there all morning.
‘I know how you feel about him, Kelsey, and I’m really sorry but I had nowhere else to go…and he is still a friend of mine, not to mention Ben’s best friend.’
‘It was you? Not Helga?’ Kelsey still looked at Beth with shock, but the disgust on her face was now gone.
‘It was me.’
Beth looked down at her hands while Kelsey poured them both some fresh coffee. The look on Kelsey’s face had changed to joy. Beth couldn’t bring herself to look at.
‘I’m so happy you came over,’ Kelsey said, handing her a steaming cup. ‘I was up all night thinking that he’d taken that…girl home with him and had sex with her. I couldn’t handle it, you know? Imagining him entwined with someone else was torture but now that I know it was only you, well, it’s all okay. I think we could get back together, you know? If I could just find out what the problem was, I could change. I could do that, you know? It wouldn’t be too hard. I just don’t know what went wrong. Do you think that he doesn’t like brunettes? Maybe I could dye my hair. He always said yours caught the sunlight so nicely. What do you think? Could I pull off a blonde?’
Kelsey plopped herself in the chair opposite Beth and tossed her brown hair over her shoulder.
The breath seemed to be stuck in Beth’s throat. How was she going to tell Kelsey what really happened this morning now? Her heart had leapt with joy when Kelsey mentioned Mark noticed her hair. How could she feel this elated about something like that while sitting across from his ex-girlfriend who was clearly still in love with him? What horrible kind of friend did that make her?
‘I…um…don’t think your hair colour is the problem, Kels, Mark’s not that shallow. And I’m not sure you should change, just to make him happy. You wouldn’t be happy then. I think the best thing to do is to let him go.’ Beth inwardly cringed as Kelsey’s smile fell from her face. ‘I want you to be happy. Show him how wonderful you are. Stop trying to please him. He’s a man. He’ll only take advantage of that.’
Fat tears escaped Kelsey’s eyes and tumbled down her pale cheeks. ‘But how am I supposed to live without him, Beth? It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I can’t carry on like this. It’s too painful.’
‘Oh, Kelsey,’ Beth reached across the table and squeezed Kelsey’s hand, hating herself more every second. ‘Don’t do anything rash, please. He’s not worth it.’
‘I’m not going to kill myself if that’s what you mean.’ Kelsey snapped back at her. ‘I wouldn’t do that to everyone.’ Kelsey’s shoulders drooped again and she swiped her arm across her face, smearing snot and tears on her cheek. ‘I thought we were going to get married. When Mark said he wanted to talk to me about something, never in my wildest nightmares did I think he was going to break up with me. I even went out and bought myself a new dress. I thought he was going to pop the question. How pathetic am I?’
‘Oh God,’ Beth moaned, putting her face in her hands. This couldn’t be happening. ‘I’m so sorry, Kelsey. Nobody saw it coming. We all thought you guys were for ever too.’
‘Then what happened, Beth? What happened to us? One minute he was asking me what hockey team he should support and the next minute he said we couldn’t stay together anymore. I just don’t know what went wrong.’
Beth lifted her head from her hands and looked at Kelsey in confusion. ‘What do you mean he asked you what team he should support? He’s a huge Flames fan.’
‘Yeah, I know but he kept asking what team we should get behind. I said I’d support whatever team he wanted to and that I would get us season tickets and all that.’
‘But you like the Oilers.’
‘Yes, I know, but I thought it would just be easier if we both supported the same team. Besides, he’s a Flames fan, I should at least like the same team as him, right?’
‘No, Kels, you shouldn’t. Don’t you see what he was doing?’
‘Trying to pick what team to support. That’s what I’ve been telling you.’
‘No, honey, that’s not it.’ She reached out to Kelsey again, ‘He was trying to get you to make a stand for what you believe in. Don’t you see? By trying to always please him, you were kinda smothering him. He needs someone who can be their own person.’
Kelsey pulled away from her. ‘What, so you’re an expert on Mark now? You don’t think we belong together, is that it? Are you on his side? Jesus, Beth, I thought you were my friend.’ Kelsey got up from the table and left the room. ‘You can leave anytime you want,’ she shouted from down the hall. It was clear from her tone it wasn’t an invitation to stay and make herself at home.
Beth got up from the table and went to Kelsey’s room where she knew she’d be hiding. She didn’t try to go in but spoke through the closed door. ‘That’s not what I meant, Kels. I honestly thought you two were going to get married one day. It’s just that I know Mark. He loves hockey. He wouldn’t be able to understand how you couldn’t support the team you love just because he likes the other team. He’s a man, you have to remember their brains don’t work like ours. I’m sorry I upset you. I’ll show myself out. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?’ Beth couldn’t wait to get out of Kelsey’s house. Her head hurt and her heart felt like it was slowly breaking. She could actually feel its pieces falling into her stomach.
She slowly walked to her truck where once inside she sat for a few minutes with her head resting on the steering wheel. She still hadn’t told Kelsey what really happened at Mark’s today. How was she going to be able to find the words for that? And how was their friendship going to survive that revelation? If Kelsey ran away and hid from her when she thought Beth was ‘on his side’, how was she going to react when Beth told her they’d had sex this morning?
Beth absentmindedly reached for her phone and dialled the familiar number.
‘I’m sorry, the number you have dialled is no longer in service.’ The automated voice on the other end of the line shocked her out her dream.
She dropped the phone in its cradle and buried her head in her hands. After all this time, sometimes she still forgot. Mornings were the worst. Remnants of dreams still filtered through her mind upon waking and sometimes it was easy to forget her reality.
The worst thing was the pain. It was like losing her sister all over again. And mornings such as these, she relived the last