Because Of You. Kristina O'Grady
curled herself up into a ball and let the memories take over. She knew there was no point trying to fight them.
Her older sister was twenty-five when she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. From the beginning there really wasn’t much hope for her, but Rachel was determined to squeeze as much life as she could into the time she had left. She’d even gone into remission for a while and life, for a brief moment, had gone back to normal. Rachel moved home and started painting again and Beth applied to cooking schools all across the country.
But it wasn’t to last. Three and a half weeks was all it took for the cancer to take her sister away when it came back.
They’d all gathered around her bed and waited. Waited for her to live. Waited for her to die. Those last weeks were the longest of Beth’s life. And the shortest. They were filled with laughter and with tears. When Rachel slept, Beth spent her time begging God to take her instead. But, in the end, he didn’t listen. He took her sister in the dead of night. Ben was with her when she’d died. She’d taken Mom and Dad home to have a shower and get some sleep.
Perhaps that was why mornings were always the hardest. She’d woken on that last morning to Ben’s voice on the other end of the phone telling her that her best friend was gone for ever.
‘Rachel,’ Beth said into the empty room, ‘I need you.’
A single tear tracked down her cheek as she spoke to her sister. She took a deep, shaky breath and carried on the one-sided conversation, curling herself into a tighter ball.
‘Mark and I slept together,’ she whispered. ‘I know, I know. He’s supposed to be with Kelsey. Everyone thought they would get married. Okay…maybe not you. You always said she wasn’t right for him.’
Beth sat up and scrubbed her face with her hands, rubbing the tears into her skin.
‘It was amazing,’ she whispered, taking her hands away from her face. ‘Mark was so gentle and calm.’
Beth rubbed at her eyes. They were sore and gritty. She’d been crying all night, ever since she’d gotten back from Kelsey’s, until she’d finally fell into a restless sleep at dawn.
‘I had to tell her,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t just let her think it was Helga. I couldn’t do that to either of them. It was the hardest thing to do, Rachel. But I couldn’t get all the words out. How do you tell one of your friends you slept with the man she thought she was going to marry? I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But I know I have to.
‘I tried, but the words just wouldn’t come past my lips.’ Beth stood up and walked around her room, picking up objects she’d lived with for years and then putting them back down. ‘I did tell her Mark took me to his house because I was so drunk – which is true! I haven’t had that much to drink since your wake. I just left out the details, you know? I couldn’t hurt her like that. How am I supposed to look her in the eyes again?’
Beth pulled on her bunny hug and a pair of sweats. She drew her blonde hair up into a messy ponytail without bothering to brush it first and looked at herself in the full-length mirror opposite her bed. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were puffy and red. Tear stains covered her cheeks. She looked like she felt – like shit.
She opened the door into the hallway and padded softly down to the bathroom, not wanting to wake Helga if she was home.
She was just spitting the toothpaste into the sink when she heard someone pull up, and by the time she splashed some water over her face, whoever it was was banging on the door.
***
Mark stood on her front porch not sure what to do. She hadn’t answered his knock. He knew she was inside, her truck was out front and he could see the light on in her room upstairs, but he didn’t want to just burst in.
Growing up without much of a family, he’d spent every spare moment at the Copeland’s that he could. This ranch felt more like home than the small house he grew up in in town. His father left not long after he was born and his mom was so busy trying to make ends meet she was never at home to look after him. When he went to Bassville High Ben Copeland took him under his wing and introduced him to the cowboy life. But gone were the days when he was a part of the family. It was a long time since he felt like he was Beth’s brother. In fact he wasn’t sure if there ever was a time he hadn’t loved Beth Copeland.
And after yesterday he was through loving her from afar. Now that he’d had a taste of what he always wanted, Mark wasn’t sure if he could go back to pretending he just wanted to be friends.
He admitted it was horrible timing; breaking up with Kelsey just a few weeks ago, but the heart wants what the heart wants, right? And his had always wanted Beth.
He knocked again, then turned around and looked out over the valley; he’d spent every summer riding around these hills as a teenager. If he had his way he would have become a cowboy. But he’d spent enough time while growing up not having enough money and he wanted to look after his mother and knew a ranch hand didn’t provide much of a living. So instead of climbing in the saddle every day like his best friend, he took the scholarship offered to him and went to law school.
He now spent most of his days locked up in a little office in town dealing with people’s wills and property deeds. But he missed the open air and the horses.
The screen door banged open behind him and he spun around. Beth stood there looking like she’d just rolled out of bed and his mouth went dry. God, she was beautiful.
‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded.
‘I came to see you,’ he said. He shifted nervously on her front step. He wasn’t expecting her to still be upset.
‘What do you want?’ She stood in the doorway and it was obvious that she wasn’t inviting him in, but Mark didn’t want to stand outside in the heat all day so he pushed past her into the house. Her peach perfume assaulted his senses as he squeezed by.
‘Mark,’ she said, her voice full of warning.
What was she going to do to him if he decided to stay? She wouldn’t exactly be able to throw him out, would she? ‘I needed to see you,’ he said, grinning at her.
She took a surprised step back but there was no fear in her eyes when he gently encircled her wrist and tugged her closer to him. He had to feel her again.
He stepped closer until her breasts just about touched his chest and she needed to tilt her head up to look at him. ‘Beth,’ he breathed. He’d come here to talk but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. He pulled her roughly against him and claimed her mouth. A moan rent the air and she sagged against him for a moment.
He knew the exact moment when she started thinking. Her back stiffened and she pulled from his arms.
‘I can’t do this, Mark. I can’t. You’re supposed to be with Kelsey. Not me. I can’t do this to her. She still loves you, you know? I went and saw her yesterday. What have you done to her?’
‘What do you mean, what have I done to her? I haven’t even seen her?’
‘Oh, Mark, you know what I mean. You’ve totally crushed her and you don’t even care!’ He’d never seen Beth so riled. Sparks flew from her eyes as she shot daggers at him.
He stepped back under the onslaught. This wasn’t exactly going to plan. ‘I can’t be with Kelsey, B. I don’t love her. Was I supposed to marry her just so her feeling wouldn’t get hurt? How is that fair on either of us? Think how she would feel in ten years’ time when I let slip that I never loved her.’
‘Never loved her? But you’ve been dating her for five years, Mark. How could you not have ever loved her?’ She stepped away from him. Revulsion flashed in her eyes.
Shame filled his veins. ‘You wouldn’t understand,’ he said turning his back on her.
‘Mark, you can’t be here,’ she whispered. ‘I can’t