The Dare Collection: June 2018. Lauren Hawkeye
found her talking with Ben at the edge of the makeshift dance floor. The happy couple and Alex and Libby slow danced under the twinkle of a thousand lights.
Ben saw Ash approach and lifted his chin in greeting before kissing Essie’s cheek and heading towards the hotel’s main foyer.
Her porcelain skin glowed pale under the lights and her eyes peeled back his layers, leaving him raw and more conflicted than ever.
‘Are you okay?’ She stepped closer, her stare flicking to the dance floor before settling back on his.
Ash threw caution to the wind and curved his hand over her hip. He hated that he couldn’t touch her when he wanted to. Hated that he’d left it to Harley to introduce her to his mother as ‘Ben’s sister’. Hated that the past he couldn’t let go, his hang-ups, had placed a filter across her pretty eyes.
‘I’m fine. Are you having fun?’
She nodded. Her hand brushed his, fingers lingering for a second. ‘You don’t look fine.’
He couldn’t fool her. ‘I’m just worried about my mother—she’s lost a little weight. I feel responsible.’
Ash guided her to a chair and took the one opposite. Her small frown and worry-etched eyes slayed him. He shouldn’t have said anything. Should have allowed her to enjoy the festivities while he attended his pity party, solo.
He clasped both her hands in his while his mind raced with all the ways he’d been an idiot.
‘Have you talked it through with her? I’m sure she doesn’t hold you responsible.’
‘She doesn’t, but being the messenger of doom sucks whichever way you look at it. I can never take it back, or undo the pain.’
‘But you were right. Better she heard it from you than someone else.’ She paled and looked away. ‘I feel guilty...about Ben.’ Her teeth pulled at her lip. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’ She stared at her lap, where her hands clenched.
He spoke softly, too uncertain of his own thoughts, motivations and emotions. ‘How am I looking at you?’ How did he feel about her revelation?
‘Like you expect my brother to march you to the nearest church with a shotgun aimed between your shoulder blades.’ She was too perceptive. Saw him way too clearly.
‘I—’
Had their secret-keeping days come to an end? A natural conclusion? Her limpid eyes lanced him, and he wanted to wrap her in his arms, to carry her out of here and kiss her until she looked at him as she’d done on Saturday night after their shower.
‘Why don’t we talk about it when we’re back in London?’ It was about time he manned up. Came clean with Ben. It was his responsibility. He hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her, despite his damned pathetic rules. Perhaps if he ended things now, he could go to Ben in all honesty and say, ‘It happened, but it’s over.’
His guts twisted with eye-watering force.
The thought of going back to being friends with Essie, or even acquaintances, left him more impotent and off balance than when he’d sweated his way down the aisle this afternoon with his sister on his arm and a hundred different divorce scenarios in his head.
But Essie deserved a full relationship with her brother. He wouldn’t stand in the way.
She looked over his shoulder to where Harley, Hannah and Jack were huddled around Hannah’s phone laughing, probably at some atrocious selfie. ‘You have a great family. Aside from my mum, Ben’s all I have.’
Ash’s chest grew tighter and tighter. Telling Ben about them would shift things between him and Essie far outside the realms of fun. But if he was honest he’d lost his precious control of this attraction days ago.
Fight for her.
Where the fuck had that come from?
She looked wearier than he’d ever seen her. He’d underestimated the toll this had all taken on her, or he’d seen it but ignored it because he was selfish and wanted her still. He cupped her cheek. ‘Why don’t you head upstairs? Take a bath? Things are pretty much over here. Just some mushy shit going on over there.’ He jerked his head back in the direction of his sappy sisters, who were a bit tipsy and had sandwiched Jack between them on the dance floor for one last slow dance.
She nodded, her eyes glassy as she stared at their entwined fingers in her lap. And then she shook it off, her expression brightening as she watched the twin sandwich on display. ‘Fun fact—did you know that simply holding hands with the person you love can alleviate pain and fear and reduce stress? It’s the oxytocin the brain releases.’
He nodded, his throat so damned tight he had to loosen his collar. ‘I’ll tell the happy couple.’
She stood, glancing over at the dance floor. ‘I think they know.’ She smiled down at him, the saddest smile he’d ever seen, before she turned to leave.
He halted her retreat. ‘Don’t worry about Ben.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about your mum.’
She left him floundering at the centre of the monumental mess he’d made.
* * *
Ash tapped gently on the door to Essie’s hotel room, his eyes scanning the corridor. He had no explanation for why he stood at her door at one a.m., for any of the wedding party who might spot him. He just knew a team of wild horses couldn’t keep him away.
If this was to be their last night before he confronted Ben tomorrow, he just had to kiss her one last time. Hold her once more. See the rapture on her face as they shared one last intimacy. Somehow, between the fun facts and the fun sex, she’d worked her way under his skin. All of her—her beauty, her vulnerabilities, her thirst for new experiences.
The door flew open and there she stood, dressed in a baggy, oversized T-shirt that hung from one shoulder, her long, pale legs leading to the views of nirvana he knew were underneath. He had no right to touch her—he never had—but he wanted her anyway. With the same ferocity of need he’d experienced since the day they’d met.
How had he ever imagined himself immune to her? He was a fool and it was too late for a vaccine.
‘Invite me in.’ He tried to temper the gruffness from his voice, but he craved her so badly he could hardly draw breath. Perhaps it was the promise of one last time. But however he looked at it, he couldn’t stay away. And he suspected it was simply Essie herself that drove his uncontrollable need. A need he’d have to quash soon.
Unless you keep her.
Fuck. She wasn’t a possession. And she deserved way more than a commitment-phobic, cynical asshole like him. She deserved her happily-ever-after—the whole cake, not just the crumbs. Her scientific love. And he was the last man qualified to give her that.
But he could give her the only thing he’d ever given her.
A fun time. A new experience.
Why did it sound so empty? Hollow? Pathetic?
She held the door open and he stepped inside. As soon as she’d shut it behind him, she turned to face him. ‘I need to talk to—’
Ash pressed his fingers over her soft lips. ‘I know what you need. What we both need.’ He’d made his decision to talk to Ben. The mess he’d made of his personal life was old news and he’d be damned if he spent what little remaining time he had left with her trawling through his issues.
He might not be the man for her long term, but he could show her how rare and precious she was, and what she did to him and, hopefully, when they parted, she would feel her own worth and have nothing to regret.
She nodded, her breathtaking face lifted to his as he dragged her close with one arm banded around her waist and slanted his mouth over hers. Her soft lips