Heart Of Courage. Sue MacKay
with all sorts of maladies that show no symptoms.’ He wanted to smile back but was all out of them right now. ‘Seen it all too often.’ That caution on Sophie’s face was unexpected, given how she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan, and again underlined how little he knew her. It also softened his stance the smallest of bits.
Toughen up. Don’t go all soft over this. A baby, huh? A huge responsibility even if he only kept to the outskirts of the child’s life. But...he was going to be a dad.
I am not ready for this. Will never be ready. This changes everything.
He and Sophie were now tied together in some way for ever. He turned for the entrance, his legs tensing, ready to run, hard and fast, as far away as possible, to outrun this crazy situation.
The only thing holding him back was that he’d always taken his responsibilities seriously.
Haven’t been dealt this hand before.
True. It was as terrifying as that bomb in Bamiyan, and the consequences were going to last a lot longer. He had another mark to step up to, one he was not prepared for and had absolutely no idea how to manage.
‘We need somewhere quiet for this discussion.’ Sophie probably had similar concerns. Her sympathetic tone felt like a caress even if the intent of her words was a harsh reminder of what was ahead.
How could she remain so calm? He could hate her for that. No, not fair. She’d had months to prepare for today. And his anger was directed at the shock she’d delivered, not at her personally. But she should’ve told him. Then he’d have been prepared. A shudder rocked him. Really? Would he ever be able to look back at this moment and say it was a good thing to have happened? His hands clenched. Not likely.
‘Is there somewhere we won’t be interrupted?’ Cooper demanded. There were a few personnel on this base he knew and would enjoy catching up with—some other time. His best mate would have to wait too. Right now he wanted this upcoming conversation done and dusted in one sitting, though he somehow doubted it was ever going to finish, that there’d always be things to discuss about their child. Their daughter. Sophie had said, she’s yours. Oh, hell. A wee girl. His throat clogged. His daughter. This would take some getting used to. If he even wanted to, and right now he didn’t. How could a guy whose mother had committed suicide when he was six and a father who’d had an endless stream of women moving through their lives grasp the basics of good parenting?
‘We could go to my quarters.’ Then Sophie hesitated. ‘No, we’ll go off base. There’s a place a couple of kilometres south where I can get a sandwich and you can have whatever you might want.’
An ice-cold beer would go down just fine about now. Sweat was rolling down his back. From the temperature or his turmoil, he wasn’t sure. Probably both. ‘You got a car?’
She nodded. ‘I do.’
‘Let’s go.’ The idea of that beer had his mouth watering, while the idea of talking about the baby and their future wasn’t doing his stomach any favours, instead causing a tightness he couldn’t loosen. So much for a quick visit and maybe a bit of sex. Sometimes life threw curveballs. Big suckers. He needed to learn how to catch them without doing any damage.
* * *
Sophie drove as fast as legally possible. Which said a lot about her state of mind. Lately she’d become ultra-cautious about a lot of things, like she was afraid to create further havoc in her life. But Cooper’s sudden appearance in the medical unit had floored her. Knowing he was turning up had done nothing to prepare her for the sight of this man. None of her memories of that hot body had been exaggerated. No wonder she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan. But would she have if the situation hadn’t been so explosive? Ha. She had to ask that when Cooper was involved?
She should’ve told him the moment she’d found out she was pregnant, but what would’ve been the point? She didn’t want him thinking he had to become a part of her life. It wasn’t as though they knew each other or were in love. Getting hitched or involved in any way whatsoever with a man because she was pregnant was not on the agenda. Marriage had never been something she wanted, and pregnancy hadn’t changed her mind. She could support her own child, didn’t need to do someone else’s washing or clean up after him for the rest of her life so that her daughter could see her father every day.
Three days ago when Alistair had told her Cooper was coming he’d given her a chance to prepare what to say, yet her mind had remained blank.
She got on well with the lieutenant colonel, had managed to ignore the fact he was Cooper’s close friend until now. She suspected he’d guessed who the father of her baby was right from the moment she said she’d met Cooper in Bamiyan at the time of the attack. He’d have done the sums. Was that why he looked out for her, made her life as easy as possible? Because of his friend?
The sooner they got to Harry’s Place the sooner she could tell Cooper the little there was to say and then she could get away from his brooding presence. At least he hadn’t erupted when she’d said the baby was his. He’d come close at one point but had managed to haul the brakes on his temper. Told her something about the man, didn’t it? Controlled under fire. But of course she’d seen that before, knew how he reacted when being attacked.
‘I don’t suppose this rust bucket runs to air-conditioning?’ Cooper looked decidedly uncomfortable as he tried to move his large body in the not-so-large car.
‘See that handle? It’s for the window.’
His sigh was filled with frustration, and probably had nothing to do with their mode of transport. ‘I figured.’
Then use it. ‘The tyres are near new, and the motor hums. It’s all I need.’ It wasn’t as though she took it on trips out into the desert or across state.
His head tipped back against the skewed head rest. He seemed to be drawing a deep, calming breath. ‘Whatever possessed you to buy it in the first place? There must’ve been better vehicles available in town,’ he snapped. The deep breathing was apparently a fail.
She ignored the temper and its cause. Plenty of time to talk about their baby once they got to Harry’s Place. ‘It’s a hand-me-down that goes from medical officer to medical officer.’ When his eyebrows rose she explained, liking the safer subject. ‘A couple of years back some guy bought it and when he was shipped out he handed it to the incoming medic, said he wouldn’t get much for it if he sold it and as most medics are never here for long it might as well become a fixture.’
For a moment Cooper was quiet and she hoped that was the end of any conversation. Silence was better than questions she found herself looking for barbs in.
But no. That was wishful thinking. ‘How long have you got to run on your contract with the army?’
‘Ten weeks, but I’m only going to be on call for those weeks. I don’t expect to be called up. What about you?’
‘I’m done. For this contract anyway.’
‘You’re going to sign up again?’ She didn’t know how she felt about that. It wasn’t as though they would want to spend time together, yet he was the father of her baby. Despite her own reservations about Cooper, her daughter deserved to know her dad, to spend time with him. It would never be her fault her parents weren’t together, and therefore she shouldn’t suffer the consequences.
The irony had her pressing her lips together. She’d grown up having it rammed down her throat with monotonous regularity that she was the only reason her parents had married. Mum had been pregnant so they’d done the right thing and tied the knot. Unfortunately they hadn’t liked each other and the numerous arguments had been monumental, always ending with the blame landing firmly at Sophie’s feet. They’d certainly put her off getting hitched. Why bother when she was happy and free? Becoming trapped and miserable would be a rerun of her childhood. So—no tying the knot in her future. Unless she found a man she loved unconditionally and who returned the sentiment. As she hadn’t been looking, she didn’t know if such a beast existed.
‘I