Scandalous Sins. Tara Pammi
kept glancing at her and gently squeezing and stroking her hand. It was enormously comforting. Violet could see the concern, and the anger he was doing his best to suppress on her behalf. Was he thinking of what might have happened if she’d been in that flat alone? She was thinking about it and it was terrifying. How fortunate that he had walked her to the door. But then, of course he would do that. It was the type of man he was. Strong, capable, with old-fashioned values that resonated with hers.
His offer to have her stay with him at his house was perfectly reasonable given their friendship and yet...she wondered if he was entirely comfortable with it. Would it make it harder for him to keep things platonic between them?
Once they were back at his house, Cam carried her small bag of belongings—those she could stomach enough to bring with her—to one of the spare bedrooms. But at least her embroidery basket had been left intact. She was halfway through making a baby blanket for Lily’s unborn baby and couldn’t bear the thought of anyone destroying that.
‘I’m only a door away over there.’ Cam pointed to the master bedroom on the other side of the wide hallway. ‘I’ll leave my door open in case you need me during the night.’
I need you now.
‘Thanks...for everything.’
He gave her one of those lopsided smiles of his that made her heart contract. ‘You’re welcome.’
Violet shifted her weight. ‘Do you mind if I have a hot drink? I’m not sure I’m going to be able to sleep. Maybe a hot milk or something will help.’
‘Of course.’
Violet followed him back down to the spacious kitchen and perched on one of the breakfast-bar stools while he went about preparing a hot chocolate for both of them. It was a strange feeling to be alone with him in his house, knowing she would be sleeping in one of his beds. Not his bed. He’d made that inordinately clear. But the possibility he could change his mind made her feel a thrill of excitement like someone had injected champagne bubbles into her bloodstream. She couldn’t stop looking at his hands, couldn’t stop imagining how they would feel touching her, stroking her. He had broad hands with long fingers with neat square nails. Capable hands. Careful hands. Hands that healed instead of hurt. Every time he touched her she felt her body glow with warmth. It was like she was coming out of cold storage. His touch awakened the sensuality that had been frozen by fear all those years ago.
He slid the hot chocolate towards her with a spoon and the sugar bowl. ‘There you go.’
Violet took a restorative sip and observed him while he stirred his chocolate. He still had a two-fold crease between his eyes as if his mind was still back at her flat thinking up a whole lot of nasty scenarios, similar to the ones she was trying her best not to think about. ‘I’ll only stay tonight,’ she said into the silence. ‘Once the girls and I tidy up, I’ll go back.’
His frown wasn’t letting up any. ‘Is that such a good idea? What if you get broken into again? The security there is crap. You don’t even have a security chain on the door. Your landlord should be ashamed of himself.’
‘It’s actually a woman.’
‘Same goes.’
Violet cradled her drink between her hands, looking at him over the rim of her cup when she took another sip. He had abandoned his drink as if his mind was too preoccupied. There were lines of tension running down either side of his mouth. ‘I know this must be awkward for you...having me here...’ she said. ‘You know, after our conversation earlier about...only kissing.’
His gaze went to her mouth as if he couldn’t help himself. ‘It’s not awkward.’ His voice came out so husky it sounded like it had been dragged along a rough surface.
‘I could go to a hotel or stay with a—’
‘No.’ The word was delivered with such implacability it made Violet blink. ‘You’ll stay here as long as you need to.’
How about for the rest of my life? Violet took another sip of her chocolate before setting the mug down. She had to stop this ridiculous habit of imagining a future with him. She was being a silly romantic fool, conjuring up a happy ending because she was almost thirty and Cam was the first man to treat her the way she’d always longed to be treated. It was her hormones...or something. ‘I guess it kind of makes sense, me being here, since we’re supposed to be engaged.’
‘Yes, well, there’s that, of course.’
Violet slipped off the stool and took her mug over to the sink, rinsing it first before putting it in the dishwasher. She turned and found Cam looking at her with a frowning expression. ‘I’m...erm...going to bed now,’ she said. ‘Thanks again for everything.’
He gave her a semblance of a smile that softened the frown a smidgen. ‘No problem. Hope you can get some sleep.’
Violet was about to turn for the door when, on an impulse she couldn’t explain let alone stop, she stepped up to where Cam was standing and, rising on tiptoe, pressed a soft kiss to his stubble-roughened cheek. His hands went to her hips as if he too couldn’t stop himself, drawing her that little bit closer so her body was flush against his. His eyes searched hers for a long moment before dipping to her mouth. ‘We really shouldn’t be doing this, Violet. It only makes things more—’
‘More what?’ Violet said, pressing herself closer, feeling the hardened ridge of him against her belly. ‘Exciting?’
His hands tightened on her hips but, instead of drawing her closer, he put her from him, dropping his hold as if her body was scorching hot. His frown was severe but she got the feeling it was directed more at himself than at her.
‘You’re upset after the break-in,’ he said. ‘Your emotions are shot to pieces. It would be wrong of me to take advantage of you when you’re feeling so vulnerable.’
Take advantage! Take advantage! Violet knew he was being the sensible and considerate man she knew him to be, but the fledging flirt in her felt hurt by his rejection. Why shouldn’t they have a fling? It was the perfect chance for her to let go of her past and explore her sensuality without shame, without fear, with a man she not only trusted but admired and cared about. Why couldn’t he see how much she needed him to help wipe away the past? ‘I’m sorry for misreading the signals. Of course you wouldn’t want to sleep with me. No one wants to sleep with me unless I’m coma-drunk. Why am I so hopeless at this?’
Cam took her by the shoulders this time, locking his gaze on hers. ‘You’re not hopeless at anything, sweetheart. You’re a beautiful and talented young woman who deserves to be happy. I’m trying for damage control here. If we take this further, it will blur the boundaries. For both of us.’
Violet planted her hands on his chest, feeling the thud-pitty-thud-pitty-thud of his heart beneath her palm. The battle was played out on his features: the push of pulsating desire and the pull away of his sense of duty. Push. Pull. Push. Pull. It was mirrored in the rhythm of a muscle flicking in his jaw. ‘But you want me...don’t you?’ she said.
He brought her up against his body, pelvis to pelvis, his eyes holding hers. ‘I want you, but—’
‘Let’s leave the “but” out of it,’ Violet said. ‘If I were anyone else, you’d have a fling with me, wouldn’t you?’
He let out a short breath. ‘You’re not a fling type of girl so—’
‘But what if I was? What if I wanted to have a fling with you because I’m so darn tired of being the girl without a date, the girl who hasn’t had proper consensual sex? I’m sick of being that girl, Cam. I’m turning thirty in January. I want to find the courage to embrace my sexuality and who better with than you? Someone I trust and feel safe with.’
It was clear she had created a dilemma for him. His expression was a picture of conflict. His hands tightened on the tops of her shoulders, as if torn between wanting to bring her closer and pushing her away. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said. ‘That’s