The Cowboy's Baby Blessing. Deb Kastner
to do.
“How?” he asked gravely.
“By taking it one day at a time.”
“Sage advice.”
But not nearly enough.
“For starters,” she continued, “where is Caden sleeping tonight?”
“My place, I guess. I’m staying in one of my mom and dad’s cabins. I suppose I’ll have to move into the ranch house eventually, but right now, I just can’t be there. The memories are too fresh. They hurt too much.” He picked off his cowboy hat and threaded his fingers through his hair. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I can’t seem to think beyond minute to minute, much less one day at a time. How am I going to do this?”
“Stand up,” Rachel said, moving to his side. Her voice was strong and determined, as if she were giving him an order. “Now take the baby in your arms.”
Seth swallowed hard but did as Rachel bid, tucking a once-again-sleeping Caden against his shoulder. The boy was all toddler, with chubby cheeks and with thick arms and legs, and yet he was so light he seemed to curve right into Seth as he shifted his weight side to side in a rocking motion. The gentle rhythm of the child’s breath against his neck soothed Seth as much as the rocking did Caden.
“What are you feeling?” Rachel asked gently.
Seth closed his eyes and breathed in Caden’s little-boy scent.
How did he feel?
Nervous. Overwhelmed. Panicked. Devastated. And yet there was something more, something indefinable, hovering just below the surface.
He was responsible for this little human being. And even though it meant his entire life had just been turned upside down and backward, there was something somehow...right...about holding Caden in his arms. He couldn’t name the emotions, but they were there, cresting in his chest.
“See?” Rachel murmured, even though Seth hadn’t answered her question aloud. “Pretty special, isn’t it?”
“Mmm,” Seth agreed softly, afraid to put his emotions into words.
“I have a mobile playpen that you can use until you have time to outfit yourself better. Caden will be able to eat finger food and finely cut meats, fruits and vegetables. I don’t even have to ask if you’re a healthy eater, so I imagine you’ll have everything you need already stocked in your refrigerator. Do you know how to change a diaper?”
“Caden is in those pull-up ones. My mom showed me how to work them. Although those dirty diapers are going to take some getting used to.” He wrinkled his nose at the thought.
“Since you’ve got the Hollister ranch to worry about, you’re probably going to need someone to watch him during the day. Or is your family on that?”
“That’s actually why I originally came over. It wasn’t to break down on you, I promise.”
She laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “I know. It just so happens that I have an opening in my day care, so you can bring Caden over in the morning while you take care of whatever needs doing at the ranch. No charge for the first week while you get on your feet and find the lay of the land. No pun intended.”
Her joke drew a slight smile from him. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered. Honestly, things are going to work out. You may not be able to see it now, but God’s got it all in His capable hands. Start walking the path, step-by-step, even if you can’t see a single thing in front of you. Trust Him to show you the way.”
“Mmm,” Seth said again. He wasn’t sure he believed what Rachel was saying, or even understood all of it, but she did, and he didn’t want to contradict her when she was doing so much for him.
“You’ll have to baby-proof your house right away. Toddlers have the tendency to get into everything and climb on everything. Caden will bump his head and fall to the floor more times than you’ll be able to count. But we can at least make the bumps less bumpy and the falls less painful.”
We?
Had he really come over only to find day care for Caden, or had God led him over here for more than that? He knew what Rachel would say if he voiced the question aloud. He appreciated her so much for offering her advice and assistance, but again he had trouble forming the words to express his gratitude.
“I know a little bit about baby-proofing. My sister gave me some extra hardware they had left over after putting their own house in order for the twins, but I’m not sure where everything goes or how it works. Samantha or Will can probably help me, but they’re busy with the store, so it may be a few days.”
“I’m sure they have their hands full with the grocery and their own kids. I’m free after work tomorrow. I could come over and help you set everything up,” she offered.
Caden started hiccuping in his sleep, and Seth and Rachel chuckled softly together.
“I guess this will be an adventure,” he admitted. He’d always been one to chase adventure...though he’d never expected to face one quite this huge. There was a big, wide ocean in front of him and he didn’t even know how to trim the sails.
But he could learn. And whether it was God or circumstance or whatever, he was grateful for all the support he was receiving. From his family...and from Rachel. What if she hadn’t been the one to win him at the auction, telling him her story and putting her in his head as someone he could turn to in this situation? He didn’t even want to think about that.
“Adventure is a good way to look at it,” she said. “You and Caden are a team.”
He looked down at the still-hiccuping but soundly sleeping little boy in his arms and his heart welled.
He wouldn’t let Caden down, no matter what.
He was Caden’s permanent legal guardian and would be the only parent the boy would ever know.
It was what Luke and Tracy would have wanted. It was what Caden needed. And it was what Seth was determined to be.
A father.
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