Enneagram For Dummies. Jeanette van Stijn
being criticized, because being criticized definitely bothers Mary. She is so critical toward herself because she sees it as a way to prevent herself from doing something wrong. Her attention is thus directed toward perfectionism and avoiding mistakes. As a result, Mary has a nose for improving whatever can be improved.
Type 2: The Provider
Roy cares a lot about being accepted and appreciated. He achieves this goal by having a strong orientation toward other people and by being considerate toward others (more than toward himself). He has developed a feel for the needs of others in order to better assist them. He notices when someone needs help, and being useful makes him feel good. Roy has developed many talents that he uses to serve others. Many of these talents are in the organizational and social areas. He is active in many groups and committees, at his children’s school, at the sports club, and so on. Roy has less talent for accepting anything from anybody, especially if he believes that he didn’t earn it first.
Type 3: The Achiever
As a child, Tina already realized how much she enjoys being the center of attention and drawing applause whenever she succeeds at an endeavor. Unconsciously, she arrived at the belief that she is loved for what she does, not for who she is. For this reason, Tina is strongly oriented toward achievements so that she can be successful — the best in every effort. She has also experienced things not improving by themselves but rather because her efforts are needed to bring about a successful conclusion. Tina has developed habits such as working hard, competing, and building up and maintaining a good image. She has a nose for getting into (or creating) situations that bring acclaim. She has a preference for projects because those tend to have a finish line — and a chance of applause at the end. She won’t join projects and teams with a low chance of success or where acclaim can be gained only after investing a lot of time and effort. The faster she finishes the items on her list, the sooner she will succeed. That’s why Tina likes efficient solutions and efficient work.
Type 4: The Individualist
Tim often has the subliminal feeling of being incomplete, as though something is missing in him and his life. He thus has an unconscious longing for greater fulfillment and for being complete. His attention is drawn to the positive and attractive, to that which he longs for in the future as well as in the past. Tim lives less in the here-and-now because that only bores him and lets him know what he’s missing. In his need to be seen, he tends to distinguish himself from others. He often has the sense that others don’t understand him. On one hand, this fills him with sadness and loneliness, though on the other hand, he feels superior — as though he is special. After all, he has a lot more depth, which only makes it natural that others can’t understand him. At the same time, Tim longs for a deeper connection with others; this is one of the many contradictions that he has to battle internally. He has a distinctive emotional life; he experiences high peaks as well as deep valleys, but this is exactly what gives him the sense that he’s living intensely and meaningfully. His mantra is, “I feel; therefore, I am.”
Type 5: The Observer
Alice has the need to understand life and people, to get to the bottom of any mystery about them. She is guided by this need because she finds life strenuous and is uncertain how she can participate fully in it. As a child, she was already an outsider, observing social relations, yet not feeling free or uninhibited enough to participate in them spontaneously. By watching how others handled social situations and trying to understand and sort things in her mind, she wanted to control both the situation and herself. Alice has developed the habit of keeping a low profile. When she makes herself less visible, people demand less of her less often. Having knowledge gives Alice the pleasant feeling of being independent of others, which is how she protects herself against intrusive questions and expectations. Her reasoning ability is her most important tool in life, but she doesn't quite know how to handle feelings. They cause unrest and chaos in her mind. Alice loves the seclusion of her room and her apartment. When she feels overwhelmed, she feels the need to withdraw. She likes intellectual problems; facts and figures; and analysis and structural thinking.
Type 6: The Loyal Skeptic
Ian has experienced internal and external insecurity since childhood. He doesn’t like unpredictable situations. The prism through which he sees the world lets him sense where the danger lies and where the risks are at any moment. That’s why he became accustomed to being vigilant. If you’re alert, you see the danger ahead; you’re less likely to be caught off-guard. Because of this alertness, Ian often imagines problems where none exists. On a human level, he tends to wait and see. He unconsciously remains suspicious until someone has proven themselves to be trustworthy. The greatest source of the insecurity, by the way, is Ian himself. Deep inside, he has little confidence, let alone self-confidence, which is why he often has doubts — about himself as well as his (yet to be made) decisions.
Type 7: The Optimist
Louise sees herself reflected in the Optimist type. At some point, she learned that life can limit you, take away your freedom, and be painful. Louise doesn’t like that. The habits she has developed to deal with this fact-of-life consist of avoiding pain and keeping open many options and possibilities. Even if these options and possibilities exist only as mental images, they still give her a sense of freedom. Louise likes it when life is easy. Her attention is drawn to pleasantness and possibilities. A positive experience that takes place on the way is more important than the destination. Louise often has a full schedule. When she speaks with people, she quickly becomes fascinated by them, and what they say gives her new ideas. Louise thinks that it’s more exciting to start things than to finish them, which means it’s often hard for her to keep her mind on the matter without being distracted by new and fascinating distractions. Louise is an optimist who immediately sees the positive side of situations. Sometimes, she grows tired and occasionally wishes for a Tune Out button she can press to relax.
Type 8: The Boss/Protector
Stan experienced the schoolyard as a jungle, a place where the strong survive and take charge, at the expense of the weak. So he felt unprotected as a child. He sees the world as tough and unfair. Even before he was ten years old, he decided he would belong to the group of strong kids and protect himself. Fighting is a natural part of Stan’s existence, including the battles against the injustices of the world that he finds he cannot accept. He also feels a strong need to protect others, although that need doesn't necessarily extend to everyone. In this regard, he tends to extend his protection only to those he feels actually need help, such as children, animals, the elderly, and the sick. He abhors the victim mentality, where people present themselves as weak and dependent and yet, to Stan's way of thinking, are perfectly capable of taking good care of themselves. He often sees the world in black-and-white terms. He has his own truth and tends to deny or ignore the truth of others. He often comes across as in-your-face and confrontational.
Type 9: The Mediator
Margaret feels good when she can participate in whatever is happening at the moment. Feeling relaxed and in harmony is important to her — more important than her own opinions, her own views, and her own plans, for example. When she is around others, all of these fade into the background for her; she can — temporarily — forget all about them. She isn’t aware of this — it just happens. No matter how firmly she sets her mind to doing many things for herself on a Saturday — as soon as a girlfriend calls or her partner makes plans, Margaret’s plans are forgotten. She has the great strength of being able to consider many viewpoints and see situations from all sides. Because she avoids confrontations, she already sees a confrontation if she doesn’t agree with someone’s opinion or suggestion. When that happens, it’s easier to follow another person’s wish, thus preserving harmony. Given Margaret's habit of quickly acquiescing to others, she has difficulty perceiving what