The Song Maker - A Collection of Poems. Sara Teasdale

      MARIANNA

      ALCOFORANDO

      (The Portuguese Nun—1640-1723)

      The sparrows wake beneath the convent eaves;

      I think I have not slept the whole night through.

      But I am old; the aged scarcely know

      The times they wake and sleep, for life burns down;

      They breathe the calm of death before they die.

      The long night ends, the day comes creeping in,

      Showing the sorrows that the darkness hid,

      The bended head of Christ, the blood, the thorns,

      The wall's gray stains of damp, the pallet bed

      Where little Sister Marta dreams of saints,

      Waking with arms outstretched imploringly

      That seek to stay a vision's vanishing.

      I never had a vision, yet for me

      Our Lady smiled while all the convent slept

      One winter midnight hushed around with snow—

      I thought she might be kinder than the rest,

      And so I came to kneel before her feet,

      Sick with love's sorrow and love's bitterness.

      But when I would have made the blessed sign,

      I found the water frozen in the font,

      And touched but ice within the carved stone.

      The saints had hid themselves away from me,

      Leaving the windows black against the night;

      And when I sank upon the altar steps,

      Before the Virgin Mother and her Child,

      The last, pale, low-burnt taper flickered out,

      But in the darkness, smooth and fathomless,

      Still twinkled like a star the holy lamp

      That cast a dusky glow upon her face.

      Then through the numbing cold peace fell on me,

      Submission and the gracious gift of tears,

      For when I looked, Oh! blessed miracle,

      Her lips had parted and Our Lady smiled!

      And then I knew that Love is worth its pain

      And that my heart was richer for his sake,

      Since lack of love is bitterest of all.

      The day is broad awake—the first long beam

      Of level sun finds Sister Marta's face,

      And trembling there it lights a timid smile

      Upon the lips that say so many prayers,

      And have no words for hate and none for love.

      But when she passes where her prayers have gone,

      Will God not smile a little sadly then,

      And send her back with gentle words to earth

      That she may hold a child against her breast

      And feel its little hands upon her hair?

      We weep before the Blessed Mother's shrine,

      To think upon her sorrows, but her joys

      What nun could ever know a tithing of?

      The precious hours she watched above His sleep

      Were worth the fearful anguish of the end.

      Yea, lack of love is bitterest of all;

      Yet I have felt what thing it is to know

      One thought forever, sleeping or awake;

      To say one name whose sweetness grows so strange

      That it might work a spell on those who weep;

      To feel the weight of love upon my heart

      So heavy that the blood can scarcely flow.

      Love comes to some unlooked-for, quietly,

      As when at twilight, with a soft surprise,

      We see the new-born crescent in the blue;

      And unto others love is planet-like,

      A cold and placid gleam that wavers not,

      And there are those who wait the call of love

      Expectant of his coming, as we watch

      To see the east grow pallid ere the moon

      Lifts up her flower-like head against the night.

      Love came to me as comes a cruel sun,

      That on some rain-drenched morning, when the leaves

      Are bowed beneath their clinging weight of drops,

      Tears through the mist, and burns with fervent heat

      The tender grasses and the meadow flowers;

      Then suddenly the heavy clouds close in

      And through the dark the thunder's muttering

      Is drowned amid the dashing of the rain.

      But I have seen my day grow calm again.

      The sun sets slowly on a peaceful world,

      And sheds a quiet light across the fields.