Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

Leg over Leg

as a way to get to her. When he falls ill and is stuck in bed whining and moaning while she’s stuck to the window wolf-whistling and groaning. When he sees his neighbor sick in bed whining and moaning while his wife’s at the neighbor’s side groaning and bemoaning. When summer comes and he feels listless and lifeless, unsexed and unmanned, and his sinews go slack and he'd prefer to sleep alone. When winter comes and he feels shaken and stirred, distended and agitated, and his sinews throb and he'd prefer to spend the night with someone puffing in his face.

4.7.5

اذا عنّ له سفر لا بدّ منه ولم يمكن له مصاحبة زوجته *	اذا راى جاره قد سافر وترك زوجته خبعة طلعة راغية ثاغية *
اذا غاب عن زوجته او غابت هى عنه فجعلت تكتب له ما تغيره به وتكيده وتقهره *	اذا غاب رجل عن زوجته او غابت هى عنه فجعلت تكتب له ما تصبّره به وتسلّيه وتمنّيه *
اذا قرا فى الكتب ان النسآ كلهن خائنات وان عقولهن فى فروجهن *	اذا سمع عن امراة انها لم تخن زوجها وانها ردّت فى حبه هدايا عشاق كثيرين *
اذا ركبه الضَفَف فلم يقدر على كفاية عائلته ولم تكن امراته جميلة لتنفعه *	اذا راى امراة جميلة تماشى ولدا لها صغيرا بزيعًا فيقع فى الارض فتنهضه بيدها فيبكى قليلا حتى يحمر خدّاه *
اذا جآ من محترفه وقابلته امراته بالصخب والمشارزة والنقار والضجيج والجؤار *	اذا راى جاره قد آب من محترفه فسمع له ولزوجته رَتَلا وزَجَلا وهَمْسا ورِكزا ومباغمة ثم رفَثًا *

When a journey looms that is unavoidable and on which he cannot take his wife.	When his neighbor goes off on a journey and leaves his wife now appearing, now retreating, now blatting, now bleating.
When he’s away from his wife or she’s away from him and she writes him things that make him jealous, lay snares for him, and leave him a broken man.	When some man’s away from his wife or she’s away from him, and she writes him things that help him endure, comfort him, and give him hope.¹⁰⁵
When he reads in books that all women are unfaithful and their brains are in their vaginas.	When he hears of some woman that she has never betrayed her husband and has returned, out of love for him, the gifts of many suitors.
When he finds he has too many children to feed and can’t provide for his family and his wife’s no longer beautiful enough to be of any use to him.	When he sees a beautiful woman walking with a small child of hers who’s cute and bright and he falls down and she pulls him up again and he cries a little, so that his cheeks turn red.
When he comes home from work and his wife meets him with scolding and bad temper, bickering, bellowing, and bawling.	When he sees his neighbor’s returned from work and hears him and his wife billing and cooing, whispering and rustling, talking in low, sweet voices, and, finally, talking dirty.

4.7.6

اذا غاب عن بيته ورجع فوجد فراشه مشوّشا وشعر امراته مشعّثا بعد ان كانت اصلحتهما قبل خروجه *	اذا رجع الى بيته فائزا بوطر ووجد فرشه موضونا وليس من تملاه شحما ولحما ثم راى فى جملة ذخائره خصلة شعر *
اذا رآها تسارّ الخادم او الخادمة وتانس بهما وتتساهل معهما وتحسن اليهما *	اذا راى امراة لا تسارّ الخادم ولا الخادمة ولا تبتسم لهما ولا تخلو باحد منهما *
اذا رآها تتوقف فى المشى كلّما مرّ بها جميل بدعوى ضيق نعليها او غيره *	اذا راى امراة تماشى زوجها وطرفها اليه ولا يزعجها من يمرّ بها كائنا ما كان *
اذا اضطجعت حتى ينظرها من هو اعلى منها او اسفل واشوق ما تكون المراة ما اذا اضطجعت على جنبها *	اذا راى امراة قد اضطرّت الى الاضطجاع وابت ذلك حيآ وحشمة سوآ كان ذلك فى حضور زوجها او فى غيابه *
اذا كانت ذات هوى وضلع مع جيل بخصوصه ولا تزال تلهج بذكره *	اذا كانت المراة غير ذات ميل وحذل مع احد وعندها ان زوجها يغنيها عن غيره *

When he’s been out of the house and returns only to find his bed in a mess and his wife’s hair disheveled even though she had tidied both before he left.	When he returns to his house having pulled off some triumph only to find his bedding neatly folded and no one to fill it with a nice warm body, and then comes across a lock of hair among his things.
When he sees her sharing confidences with the manservant or maid, enjoying their company, becoming familiar with them, and doing them favors.	When he sees a woman not sharing confidences with her manservant or maid or smiling at them or never spending time on her own with either of them.
When he sees her pausing as she walks whenever a handsome man passes, claiming her shoe is too tight or something of the sort.	When he sees a woman walking with her husband, her eyes fixed on him and paying as little mind to any who passes by as if they didn’t exist.
When she lies down in such a fashion that anyone who is higher or lower than she can see her, and a woman is never more desirable than when she lies down on her side!	When he sees a woman who has been required to lie down but refuses to do so out of modesty and decorum, whether in the presence or absence of her husband.
When she’s full of love and attachment for a particular set of people and can’t stop talking about them.	When a woman has no special inclination or liking for anyone and thinks she needs no one but her husband.

4.7.7

اذا غاب عن بيته ثم رجع فلم

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