Mentoring Minutes. Robin Cox
to guide their mentee along the goal setting road. Be patient. Try to develop an understanding of some possible reasons for your mentee’s reluctance to set goals. Here are a few common reasons.
•A fear of failure, criticism, or exposure, can be interwoven with a poor self-image.
•A poor self-image, which means they cannot see themselves achieving anything.
•A lack of an understanding of the benefits of goal setting.
•A lack of knowledge concerning how to develop a personalized, and effective goals program.
•Procrastination, which could be a sign of a rebellious spirit.
•Excuses, which could imply a refusal or unwillingness to assume responsibility, and be accountable for choices made.
•Laziness.
•Negative peer pressure, which is often a significant factor.
•A fear of success, which includes how to handle this success—for example, what further expectations would then be set when a goal is attained?
•A reluctance to move out of their comfort zone.
•A mentee is too busy with a range of activities, or possibly lives under an illusion of busyness, without any real focus or direction.
Mentoring tip: Coach your mentee that dreams turned into specific goals are a way to determine their personal success.
Day 4: Write down goals
One of the great conversations I have with youth occurs when they see no reason to write down their goals. “They are in my head,” is a common response from the mentee.
The mentor’s role is to coach their mentees how to set and achieve performance goals for the week, or month, or term (semester), and to visualize themselves achieving these goals.
•Mentees write down their goals—preferably on paper—to give them a clear understanding of what they need to do.
•Mentees break down their goals into small steps that are achievable and measurable. This, in turn, opens the way for them to evaluate their progress in a personal and ongoing way. Mentees become more enthusiastic, more confident, more competent, more courageous, and develop a positive self-image as they achieve their goals.
•Mentees write down their goals and then draw up schedules to achieve these goals. They train their developing brain. Activities like these help them manage their time and organize tasks—important employability skills—more effectively.
Mentoring tip: Mentoring involves showing that you care. Explore your mentee’s dreams, goals and interests, and share a word of encouragement whenever you spend time together.
Mentoring moments
We often underestimate the power of mentoring and the impact it has on both the mentor and mentee’s lives.
I believe that experiential mentor training significantly defines the success or otherwise of the mentoring relationship. Over the years I have trained over 1000 volunteer adult mentors. The interactions are always enjoyable, fun, challenging, and interesting as we exchange life experiences.
My motivation comes from the evaluations I receive at the conclusion of a twenty-one hours training course, held over seven weeks. I am always humbled and inspired to keep the training program relevant.
“How useful and powerful the subject matter of the course. I believe that if the material in this course was taught not only to all parents who were struggling with parenthood, but also to the many, many adults who struggle with issues like self-esteem, self-belief, dealing with conflict, relationships, goal-setting, establishing direction and purpose in their life, and even establishing value sets, then society and its communities would be better off.” (Adult participant)
“Great course—wish I had been involved earlier! Quite aside from how this will assist with my mentoring process, 99 percent of it is transferable to my work situation—and life in general! Thank you. Reinforcement of themes is very effective. Very positive!” (Adult participant)
“A wonderful self-awakening—especially enjoyed the thought of “the beauty inside” everyone and putting it into practice. Fast-tracked some of my personal goals. Affirmed to me the greatest gift is the gift of giving. Very enriching.” (Adult participant)
“A fantastic course of self-discovery. Should be open to everyone as a lot of people would learn about themselves and their actions.” (Adult participant)
Mentoring tip: Always seek to be courageous, real, present, vulnerable, and responsive as you connect with youth.
Week 9
Understand resiliency
Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.
—Margaret Mead
Day 1: Resiliency and mentoring
A significant outcome of a positive mentoring relationship is the development of a resilient young person.
Resilience is a process of “connectedness,” as competent and emotionally stable mentors link to their mentees, their interests, and ultimately to life itself.
When you connect with your mentees, as you do when you nurture resiliency, you meet their emotional safety needs. While you cannot remove stress and adversity from their lives, you can provide them with the emotional safety which puts them in a position to develop problem solving and social skills. As the mentees develop these skills, along with competence in an area of their choice, they strengthen their self-confidence and sense of self-worth, identify and develop personal strengths, and gather the resources they need to stay strong when adversity threatens to overwhelm.
Research has found that mentees who connect with their mentor:
•are in a mutually caring, respectful mentoring relationship, in which the mentor encourages and nurtures the mentee’s resilient qualities;
•have opportunities for meaningful involvement:
•they get along better with their parents, or caregivers, and teachers (authority figures);
•they develop a more positive attitude to life;
•they achieve more at school;
•they reduce their drug usage, alcohol abuse, truancy, and inappropriate sexual activities.
Mentoring tip: Seek to establish an emotional bond with your mentee and your relationship will soar.
Day 2: Identify a mentee’s strengths
Personal resiliency builders are individual qualities that help people to cope with stress and adversity in their lives. One or more of these qualities can be identified in every adult and adolescent mentee. I think of them as strengths. Resiliency experts Nan Henderson and Sybil Wolin20 have highlighted some of the most important personal resiliency builders.
| Personal resiliency builder | Definition |
| Perceptiveness | Ask tough questions and give honest answers; have a perceptive understanding of people, and situations; display an insightful approach. |
| Relationships | Make fulfilling connections to other people; be sociable; able to be a friend, and form positive relationships. |
| Independence | Distance emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble in one’s life; adaptive distancing from unhealthy people and situations; be autonomous, or self-sufficient. |
| Creativity | Use imagination and express oneself in art forms. |
| Humor | Have a good sense of humor; able to laugh at oneself. |
| Competence | Be personally “good at something”; have personal ability and skill in some area. |
| Initiative | Take charge of problems; base choices and decisions on internal evaluation (inner direction). |
| Perseverance | Keep on keeping on despite difficulty; never give |