The Cork Chronicles. Paige Hartwick
long as she was in her room.
A few moments later, Kyra was loaded up in her car and on her way home. She got stuck behind a train, so instead of it only taking five minutes to get home, it ended up taking twenty minutes. She wasn’t planning on unpacking when she got home because, knowing her mom, she’d be kicked out again- possibly voluntarily. Her mom always treated her as if she were a lazy, good for nothing slob. As a nurse, her mom had seen plenty of people with mental illnesses, but when it came to her own daughter, she was an ‘attention seeker.’ Like, what?! How was hiding out in her room, or throwing herself into her work be her seeking attention? Kyra had had several anxiety attacks while in public and people stared, but it’s not like she had done it on purpose!
Sometimes Kyra felt like she was losing her mind because she would be perfectly find one second, then a total mess the next. She would even get really sharp pains in her head that would sometimes last for a couple of days. She had even brought it up to her mom on several occasions, but she would brush it off, claiming that Kyra was just stressed. Kyra was hoping that was true, but her gut said otherwise. Normally she’d do a lot of research on it, but she knew that nothing good would come of it.
Kyra pulled into the driveway behind her father’s car and sat there, working up the courage to go inside. Her and her father always got along and had a lot in common, but he tended to be a little cold and distant.
Most of her childhood, her father would be away on business for long stretches of time. He wasn’t big on confrontations either, so Kyra knew he wouldn’t say anything when she walked in. Her father was the only person in her family who didn’t treat her like she was crazy, or claim she was seeking attention. She had a feeling that he had anxiety too and that’s why he was so distant, but she had no way of proving it.
Even though Kyra was an adult and couldn’t be grounded, she snuck into the house, stomach in knots and her palms all sweaty. She was able to make it to her room upstairs without being noticed. When she had walked in the front door, she could smell something good. Kyra assumed it was her dad’s turn to make dinner because it smelled like beef stew, which was making her mouth water. He made it whenever the weather was dreary. She wanted to go back downstairs to help with dinner, but she didn’t want to see her mom the second she got home from work. Maybe once her mom had showered and gotten her comfy clothes on, then she’d venture out of her room.
Kyra hadn’t even been home for ten minutes when she heard her mom’s car pull into the driveway. She didn’t dare peak out the window though, which was clearly pointless. Her car was in the driveway so, obviously, her mom already knew she was home. She was hoping that, since she got home before her mom, that it would give her a couple of brownie points. Kyra decided to clean and reorganize her room while she waited for her mom to get cleaned up. She actually wanted to start packing up her room, but she had nowhere else to go. Definitely not somewhere that was free. Plus, if she packed anything, her mom would definitely notice right away.
Knock, knock.
“Come in!” Kyra said as she was putting her last few books away.
“Kyra, can we talk before dinner?” Mrs. Walsh asked with a stony look on her face, her lips in a thin line.
“Sure. What did you have on your mind?”
“Not here. Let’s go sit at the table. There are too many distractions in here.” With that, her mom left her room with Kyra following behind reluctantly. They sat down across from each other at the table in complete silence for several minutes.
“Look, Kyra. To be honest, your attitude has gotten on my last nerve. I constantly have to tell you to do your chores and about applying for jobs. All you’ve been doing it moping around the house for weeks! You’re so bloody lazy! I’m sick and tired of it!” Mrs. Walsh declared, with her nose up in the air.
“Bloody hell! Who the hell do you think takes care of the kids when you and dad are at work?! Who do you think cleans the house or does the laundry? Huh? Yet I still have time to help the kids with their homework and apply for jobs when everyone else has gone to bed. I manage to do all of that on only four hours of sleep every single night!
“Not ONCE have you asked me how I was doing since the incident! If you had asked, you would know that I have nightmares all night long, and during the day I’m terrified that Ashlyn is going to finish what she started. Did you know that she gets out of jail at the end of next week?” Kyra sat there shaking, her stomach in knots, and her palms sweaty. She felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest.
“I know you’re scared, Kyra… I’m scared too, but that doesn’t mean you should give up! Who cares about Ashlyn?! Both of you need to grow up. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now, but I don’t care.
“Growing up is hard, but that’s just a part of life. Some days you might be knocked flat on your arse, and other days you’ll feel like you’re on cloud nine. That’s just how life goes. Once you realize that, you’ll feel better! So stop moping around and hiding out in your room all the time!” Kyra looked at her mom sitting across from her and felt something snap inside of her. She couldn’t keep her mouth shut any longer…
“I already know that! I know my luck is bound to take a turn for the better, but lately it’s just been one damn thing after another. I’ve had days where I honestly didn’t know how I’d be able to keep going,” Kyra yelled at her mom as tears were falling down her face. She could taste her tears as they fell into her mouth. Kyra continued with a shaky voice, “On those days, I tried to take my own life… At the last second I would remind myself of all the people I’d be leaving behind and of all the possibilities for the future.
“Every single day is an uphill battle. Depression isn’t something that goes away on it’s own. It’s not something you can just ignore either, because ignoring it can actually do more harm than good. You need to understand that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me for having anxiety either. Mental disorders aren’t a joke, they’re also not a disability. Yes, I may not like doing things outside of my comfort zone, or like sticking to a routine, but that’s how I deal with my mental illnesses!” Nearly out of breath, Kyra started feeling a pit forming in her stomach. Then anxiety attack was coming and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Kyra! That’s no way to live! That’s coping, not living- coping. Maybe if you found a hobby, something that you really enjoy, you’d be happy and feel better. Being so uptight all the time isn’t good for you! Go do something fun and, oh, I don’t know, maybe make some new friends in the process.” She shrugged her shoulders and continued to sit there like she had the answers to all the world’s problems.
“Máthair! That’s not how it works!” Kyra screamed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Once she collected her thoughts, she looked at her mom and tried to keep her cool. “I can’t just DO something that’s out of my comfort zone. Doing things spur of the moment can cause me to have a panic attack so severe that I become physically ill. You know this, you’ve seen it for yourself! Your comments about me needing to ‘just calm down’ don’t help either, they just make it worse.
“I love you, mum, but you need to respect that I have boundaries and that there are some things you need to keep to yourself. Comments about my appetite or my appearance also don’t help. I know that I’ve put on some weight, but that’s not for you to judge. I’m not you, and that’s okay! I’m my own path and I need to see where it takes me.” They sat there, both glaring at each other and crying.
“I think it would be best if I went to stay with a friend for a few days. We’re clearly not getting anywhere here and we both need to take time to cool down. I don’t want to make papa and the kids upset, because then we’ll all be mad at each other and nothing good will come of it. If I plan on staying for than a few days, I’ll text you and let you know.” With that, Kyra got up from the table and left the house. She got in her car and texted her friend, Josh, letting him know she was on her way. Kyra started her car and backed out of the driveway, nearly hitting their neighbor’s car in her rush.
Even though