The Open Affair . Patsy Ponce
it felt wrong. She gazed at him, her eyes and skin glistening under the streetlamps that dotted the road. He’d been so assured, cradling her in a peace which slowly took away the sobbing and the aching in her heart.
“Are you okay?” he whispered, leaning down and resting his forehead against hers as they stared into one another’s eyes.
“I will be.” But she was worried about him too. It was obvious where this would lead, no matter how much she fought it. Lindsay realized she had irrevocably fallen for this man, and now that they’d kissed, she’d always want more, to feel him, touch him.... To light his soul afire the way she knew she could.
“I have to tell Logan,” Lindsay finally said, sobbing. “My boyfriend, well, I have to tell him. Oh, God, I wouldn’t want to screw things up with Logan for anything in the world.” She cried and cried, beginning to feel dizzy from the alcohol and the magnitude of the moment. “He’s been my best friend through so much…an abusive relationship, a sickness…. This will hurt him so much.”
Thane focused on the ground, crestfallen. “I understand,” he said, so completely handsome with his white t-shirt, leather jacket and hair falling to the sides of his tanned skin. “I really do understand.”
FOUR
They walked toward Boehme, where their cars were parked just across the street. Near an eroding building, the two of them sat on a bench so they could sober up and eventually make their separate drives home.
Lindsay cried for a long time. Thane reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, but she ignored him, lost in grief and worry. They didn’t say much and, after quite a while, when it seemed the sun might come up soon, Lindsay felt the effects of alcohol leave her like a bad spirit.
“I’m going to call and tell him. It won’t be pretty,” she said. “And I’m worried I’ll lose him.”
Thane shook his head. “I am so sorry about this. I didn’t mean to.... I hate seeing you hurting like this. But the two of you aren’t happy together. Don’t you hear half of the stuff you say about him every day at work?” She didn’t respond, so he kept talking. “You’re probably about to go through some hard times, but it will be for the best.”
“I need to talk to Logan.”
“And I might need to talk with someone too. Lindsay, you and Kenzie are my only friends. She’s the only other person I can talk to.”
Lindsay’s eyes grew wide. “But she’s our coworker.” Lindsay’s heart beat so quickly worrying what could happen to her job if news about the kiss got to Casey.
Something flashed across Thane’s eyes, but Lindsay couldn’t quite decipher it. “I need to go,” she said heatedly, jumped into her car and drove toward the freeway.
Before merging onto the freeway headed south, Lindsay pulled over to yet another field lining the road. As she stared blankly, the line rang and rang.
“Hello?” Logan finally said, groggily.
Lindsay cried uncontrollably then, body-racking sobs.
“Lindsay!” He immediately woke up. “Lindsay, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’ve done something terrible,” she said.
“Did you...cheat on me?” he asked.
“I.... I.... Yes. I kissed someone else.”
“Oh. Well....” he sounded stunned. “Just come home so we can talk about this. Where are you?”
“A half-hour away,” she said.
“See you soon. Just drive safe.”
Tears ran down Lindsay’s cheeks as she thought about her reckless actions even though Logan had seemed to take it well on the phone.
But when she got home, Lindsay realized his reaction had either been an act—or pure shock. Face strained, veins bulging, his rage shook her to the core.
“I know I deserve this, but...” She shivered in fear. The moment reminded her of a terrible scene with a previous boyfriend, Ben. She willed herself not to remember those things now; she couldn’t afford a breakdown when this was her fault. She deserved this reaction and she needed to be honest and strong if she wanted to keep Logan.
“But what!” He fumed. “You fucked him, didn’t you? And that executive—Kenzie—fucked him too!” He stomped around. “But you, you probably fucked half the fucking town! I bet they were falling over themselves to each get a piece of you when they heard what a whore you are.”
Lindsay crumpled to the floor. “You’re right.” She shook. “I’m a piece of shit and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.” And she meant it; as she thought of the worst people in the world, Lindsay named herself among them. “I’ve never done anything like this before, I swear.”
“Do you love him?”
She paused and he nearly screamed, so irrationally angry in that moment.
“Do. You. Love him?! How long has this been going on?” Suddenly they heard his ringtone. “There’s my phone,” he pointed to his Samsung which had just lit up beside him.
“Who’s calling you at this time?”
“Just Thane,” Logan said. “I’ll find out what you really did.” He took his phone outside.
After slowly opening the bathroom window, Lindsay could hear bits and pieces of the conversation. “Did you fuck my girl?” Logan’s voice boomed in the darkness so loud the elderly neighbors could probably hear. After he came back inside, Logan grabbed a bag from the closet and haphazardly shoved clothes inside.
“Where are you going?” Lindsay bawled.
“Away from here,” Logan said and went out the door without a backward glance.
***
The next few days at work, Thane didn’t look well at all; in fact, he looked the way Lindsay felt. They hardly talked, even though their job was to work in tandem. Fortunately, they’d learned to build projects together so seamlessly that words were unnecessary. Casey, the regional manager, had flown out to audit them again, but seeing the flawless workflow, congratulated herself on “bringing another team together” and left for her home state. “This branch is in good hands,” she told Lindsay, Thane and Kenzie. “It looks great.”
Weeks passed and Logan moved back into the house, but with conditions; he’d have a phone connected to Lindsay’s, this would track her every call, text and location. He also demanded that she quit her job. “Our furniture company has taken off. We can both quit our day jobs and work on this together…at home. You add the final touches, we’ll work on designs together and I’ll build the projects.”
She didn’t want to quit her day job though, even if it was awkward and somehow sterile in the office. If she quit, the site could topple easily, leaving both Thane and Kenzie without jobs. Regardless, her relationship with Logan was on life-support and she wanted to fix things, so she composed a resignation letter and was just about to hit send when Thane burst into her office. “I need to talk with you,” he said. “Can you get off early and come to my house for a minute so we can talk without Kenzie hearing us?”
“Thane, you know I can’t. I’m trying to work on my relationship with Logan. Being alone with you is the last thing I need.”
His eyes grew sad as he stared at her. “Lindsay, I know that and I’d never normally ask, especially after everything that happened, but I’m having a rough time. I need a friend right now and I feel like you’re the only person who I can really talk to. I never talked to Kenzie. I need someone to talk to.”
He looked a bit desperate and she wondered what was going on. “Okay, Thane,” Lindsay conceded. “But I’ll need to leave my phone here because I’m being tracked. And honestly, I want to forget the kiss