60 Plays: The George Bernard Shaw Edition (Illustrated). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
wanted to strangle your understrapper there. (Breaking out violently at Swindon) Why do you raise the devil in me by bullying the woman like that? You oatmeal faced dog, I’d twist your cursed head off with the greatest satisfaction. (He puts out his hands to the sergeant) Here: handcuff me, will you; or I’ll not undertake to keep my fingers off him.
The sergeant takes out a pair of handcuffs and looks to Burgoyne for instructions.
BURGOYNE. Have you addressed profane language to the lady, Major Swindon?
SWINDON (very angry). No, sir, certainly not. That question should not have been put to me. I ordered the woman to be removed, as she was disorderly; and the fellow sprang at me. Put away those handcuffs. I am perfectly able to take care of myself.
RICHARD. Now you talk like a man, I have no quarrel with you.
BURGOYNE. Mr. Anderson —
SWINDON. His name is Dudgeon, sir, Richard Dudgeon. He is an impostor.
BURGOYNE (brusquely). Nonsense, sir; you hanged Dudgeon at Springtown.
RICHARD. It was my uncle, General.
BURGOYNE. Oh, your uncle. (To Swindon, handsomely) I beg your pardon, Major Swindon. (Swindon acknowledges the apology stiffly. Burgoyne turns to Richard) We are somewhat unfortunate in our relations with your family. Well, Mr. Dudgeon, what I wanted to ask you is this: Who is (reading the name from the letter) William Maindeck Parshotter?
RICHARD. He is the Mayor of Springtown.
BURGOYNE. Is William — Maindeck and so on — a man of his word?
RICHARD. Is he selling you anything?
BURGOYNE. No.
RICHARD. Then you may depend on him.
BURGOYNE. Thank you, Mr.— ‘m Dudgeon. By the way, since you are not Mr. Anderson, do we still — eh, Major Swindon? (meaning “do we still hang him?”)
RICHARD. The arrangements are unaltered, General.
BURGOYNE. Ah, indeed. I am sorry. Good morning, Mr. Dudgeon. Good morning, madam.
RICHARD (interrupting Judith almost fiercely as she is about to make some wild appeal, and taking her arm resolutely). Not one word more. Come.
She looks imploringly at him, but is overborne by his determination. They are marched out by the four soldiers: the sergeant, very sulky, walking between Swindon and Richard, whom he watches as if he were a dangerous animal.
BURGOYNE. Gentlemen: we need not detain you. Major Swindon: a word with you. (The officers go out. Burgoyne waits with unruffled serenity until the last of them disappears. Then he becomes very grave, and addresses Swindon for the first time without his title.) Swindon: do you know what this is (showing him the letter)?
SWINDON. What?
BURGOYNE. A demand for a safe-conduct for an officer of their militia to come here and arrange terms with us.
SWINDON. Oh, they are giving in.
BURGOYNE. They add that they are sending the man who raised Springtown last night and drove us out; so that we may know that we are dealing with an officer of importance.
SWINDON. Pooh!
BURGOYNE. He will be fully empowered to arrange the terms of — guess what.
SWINDON. Their surrender, I hope.
BURGOYNE. No: our evacuation of the town. They offer us just six hours to clear out.
SWINDON. What monstrous impudence!
BURGOYNE. What shall we do, eh?
SWINDON. March on Springtown and strike a decisive blow at once.
BURGOYNE (quietly). Hm! (Turning to the door) Come to the adjutant’s office.
SWINDON. What for?
BURGOYNE. To write out that safe-conduct. (He puts his hand to the door knob to open it.)
SWINDON (who has not budged). General Burgoyne.
BURGOYNE (returning). Sir?
SWINDON. It is my duty to tell you, sir, that I do not consider the threats of a mob of rebellious tradesmen a sufficient reason for our giving way.
BURGOYNE (imperturbable). Suppose I resign my command to you, what will you do?
SWINDON. I will undertake to do what we have marched south from Boston to do, and what General Howe has marched north from New York to do: effect a junction at Albany and wipe out the rebel army with our united forces.
BURGOYNE (enigmatically). And will you wipe out our enemies in London, too?
SWINDON. In London! What enemies?
BURGOYNE (forcibly). Jobbery and snobbery, incompetence and Red Tape. (He holds up the dispatch and adds, with despair in his face and voice) I have just learnt, sir, that General Howe is still in New York.
SWINDON (thunderstruck). Good God! He has disobeyed orders!
BURGOYNE (with sardonic calm). He has received no orders, sir. Some gentleman in London forgot to dispatch them: he was leaving town for his holiday, I believe. To avoid upsetting his arrangements, England will lose her American colonies; and in a few days you and I will be at Saratoga with 5,000 men to face 16,000 rebels in an impregnable position.
SWINDON (appalled). Impossible!
BURGOYNE (coldly). I beg your pardon!
SWINDON. I can’t believe it! What will History say?
BURGOYNE. History, sir, will tell lies, as usual. Come: we must send the safe-conduct. (He goes out.)
SWINDON (following distractedly). My God, my God! We shall be wiped out.
As noon approaches there is excitement in the market place. The gallows which hangs there permanently for the terror of evildoers, with such minor advertizers and examples of crime as the pillory, the whipping post, and the stocks, has a new rope attached, with the noose hitched up to one of the uprights, out of reach of the boys. Its ladder, too, has been brought out and placed in position by the town beadle, who stands by to guard it from unauthorized climbing. The Websterbridge townsfolk are present in force, and in high spirits; for the news has spread that it is the devil’s disciple and not the minister that the Continentals (so they call Burgoyne’s forces) are about to hang: consequently the execution can be enjoyed without any misgiving as to its righteousness, or to the cowardice of allowing it to take place without a struggle. There is even some fear of a disappointment as midday approaches and the arrival of the beadle with the ladder remains the only sign of preparation. But at last reassuring shouts of Here they come: Here they are, are heard; and a company of soldiers with fixed bayonets, half British infantry, half Hessians, tramp quickly into the middle of the market place, driving the crowd to the sides.
SERGEANT. Halt. Front. Dress. (The soldiers change their column into a square enclosing the gallows, their petty officers, energetically led by the sergeant, hustling the persons who find themselves inside the square out at the corners.) Now then! Out of it with you: out of it. Some o’ you’ll get strung up yourselves presently. Form that square there, will you, you damned Hoosians. No use talkin’ German to them: talk to their toes with the butt ends of your muskets: they’ll understand that. GET out of it, will you? (He comes upon Judith, standing near the gallows.) Now then: YOU’VE no call here.
JUDITH. May I not stay? What harm am I doing?
SERGEANT. I want none of your argufying. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, running to see a man hanged that’s not your husband. And he’s no better than yourself. I told my major he was a gentleman; and then he goes and tries to strangle him, and calls his blessed Majesty a lunatic. So out of it with you, double quick.
JUDITH. Will you take these two silver dollars and let me stay?
The sergeant, without an instant’s hesitation, looks quickly and furtively round as he shoots the money dexterously