The Collected Plays of George Bernard Shaw - 60 Titles in One Edition (Illustrated Edition). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
his ways are any baser than mine.
RUFIO. Psha!
CAESAR. Rufio: if I take Lucius Septimius for my model, and become exactly like him, ceasing to be Caesar, will you serve me still?
BRITANNUS. Caesar: this is not good sense. Your duty to Rome demands that her enemies should be prevented from doing further mischief. (Caesar, whose delight in the moral eye-to-business of his British secretary is inexhaustible, smiles intelligently.)
RUFIO. It is no use talking to him, Britannus: you may save your breath to cool your porridge. But mark this, Caesar. Clemency is very well for you; but what is it for your soldiers, who have to fight tomorrow the men you spared yesterday? You may give what orders you please; but I tell you that your next victory will be a massacre, thanks to your clemency. I, for one, will take no prisoners. I will kill my enemies in the field; and then you can preach as much clemency as you please: I shall never have to fight them again. And now, with your leave, I will see these gentry off the premises. (He turns to go.)
CAESAR (turning also and seeing Ptolemy). What! Have they left the boy alone! Oh shame, shame!
RUFIO (taking Ptolemy’s hand and making him rise). Come, your majesty!
PTOLEMY (to Caesar, drawing away his hand from Rufio). Is he turning me out of my palace?
RUFIO (grimly). You are welcome to stay if you wish.
CAESAR (kindly). Go, my boy. I will not harm you; but you will be safer away, among your friends. Here you are in the lion’s mouth.
PTOLEMY (turning to go). It is not the lion I fear, but (looking at Rufio) the jackal. (He goes out through the loggia.)
CAESAR (laughing approvingly). Brave boy!
CLEOPATRA (jealous of Caesar’s approbation, calling after Ptolemy). Little silly. You think that very clever.
CAESAR. Britannus: Attend the King. Give him in charge to that Pothinus fellow. (Britannus goes out after Ptolemy.)
RUFIO (pointing to Cleopatra). And this piece of goods? What is to be done with HER? However, I suppose I may leave that to you. (He goes out through the loggia.)
CLEOPATRA (flushing suddenly and turning on Caesar). Did you mean me to go with the rest?
CAESAR (a little preoccupied, goes with a sigh to Ptolemy’s chair, whilst she waits for his answer with red cheeks and clenched fists). You are free to do just as you please, Cleopatra.
CLEOPATRA. Then you do not care whether I stay or not?
CAESAR (smiling). Of course I had rather you stayed.
CLEOPATRA. Much, MUCH rather?
CAESAR (nodding). Much, much rather.
CLEOPATRA. Then I consent to stay, because I am asked. But I do not want to, mind.
CAESAR. That is quite understood. (Calling) Totateeta.
Ftatateeta, still seated, turns her eyes on him with a sinister expression, but does not move.
CLEOPATRA (with a splutter of laughter). Her name is not Totateeta: it is Ftatateeta. (Calling) Ftatateeta. (Ftatateeta instantly rises and comes to Cleopatra.)
CAESAR (stumbling over the name). Ftatafeeta will forgive the erring tongue of a Roman. Tota: the Queen will hold her state here in Alexandria. Engage women to attend upon her; and do all that is needful.
FTATATEETA. Am I then the mistress of the Queen’s household?
CLEOPATRA (sharply). No: I am the mistress of the Queen’s household. Go and do as you are told, or I will have you thrown into the Nile this very afternoon, to poison the poor crocodiles.
CAESAR (shocked). Oh no, no.
CLEOPATRA. Oh yes, yes. You are very sentimental, Caesar; but you are clever; and if you do as I tell you, you will soon learn to govern.
Caesar, quite dumbfounded by this impertinence, turns in his chair and stares at her.
Ftatateeta, smiling grimly, and showing a splendid set of teeth, goes, leaving them alone together.
CAESAR. Cleopatra: I really think I must eat you, after all.
CLEOPATRA (kneeling beside him and looking at him with eager interest, half real, half affected to show how intelligent she is). You must not talk to me now as if I were a child.
CAESAR. You have been growing up since the Sphinx introduced us the other night; and you think you know more than I do already.
CLFOPATRA (taken down, and anxious to justify herself). No: that would be very silly of me: of course I know that. But, (suddenly) are you angry with me?
CAESAR. No.
CLEOPATRA (only half believing him). Then why are you so thoughtful?
CAESAR (rising). I have work to do, Cleopatra.
CLEOPATRA (drawing back). Work! (Offended) You are tired of talking to me; and that is your excuse to get away from me.
CAESAR (sitting down again to appease her). Well, well: another minute. But then — work!
CLFOPATRA. Work! What nonsense! You must remember that you are a King now: I have made you one. Kings don’t work.
CAESAR. Oh! Who told you that, little kitten? Eh?
CLEOPATRA. My father was King of Egypt; and he never worked. But he was a great King, and cut off my sister’s head because she rebelled against him and took the throne from him.
CAESAR. Well; and how did he get his throne back again?
CLEOPATRA (eagerly, her eyes lighting up). I will tell you. A beautiful young man, with strong round arms, came over the desert with many horsemen, and slew my sister’s husband and gave my father back his throne. (Wistfully) I was only twelve then. Oh, I wish he would come again, now that I am a Queen. I would make him my husband.
CAESAR. It might be managed, perhaps; for it was I who sent that beautiful young man to help your father.
CLEOPATRA (enraptured). You know him!
CAESAR (nodding). I do.
CLEOPATRA. Has he come with you? (Caesar shakes his head: she is cruelly disappointed.) Oh, I wish he had, I wish he had. If only I were a little older; so that he might not think me a mere kitten, as you do! But perhaps that is because YOU are old. He is many, MANY years younger than you, is he not?
CAESAR (as if swallowing a pill). He is somewhat younger.
CLEOPATRA. Would he be my husband, do you think, if I asked him?
CAESAR. Very likely.
CLEOPATRA. But I should not like to ask him. Could you not persuade him to ask me — without knowing that I wanted him to?
CAESAR (touched by her innocence of the beautiful young man’s character). My poor child!
CLEOPATRA. Why do you say that as if you were sorry for me? Does he love anyone else?
CAESAR. I am afraid so.
CLEOPATRA (tearfully). Then I shall not be his first love.
CAESAR. Not quite the first. He is greatly admired by women.
CLEOPATRA. I wish I could be the first. But if he loves me, I will make him kill all the rest. Tell me: is he still beautiful? Do his strong round arms shine in the sun like marble?
CAESAR. He is in excellent condition — considering how much he eats and drinks.
CLEOPATRA. Oh, you must not say common, earthly things about him; for I love him. He is a god.
CAESAR. He is a great captain of horsemen, and swifter of foot than any other Roman.
CLEOPATRA. What is his real name?
CAESAR (puzzled). His REAL name?
CLEOPATRA. Yes. I always call him Horus, because